To not invite sister to social gathering

I'd say group members only otherwise it's unfair on the others.

I'd say to your mum she either-

Joins the group
Doesn't come
Your mum asks rest of group if she can attend

I 100% agree with this I would hate other randoms being there…I have a friend who does this, invites me over/ out and then next thing I know there are others there and it changes the dynamic of the whole catch up and I’d rather be home

yes your sister may lack confidence but others in the group may as well and may not want to do small talk with an unknown person

Part of my job is running hobby groups to help people socially and this just this is a great opportunity for your sister to see what it's like in a more relaxed way and perhaps might allay some of her fears around joining.

I'd get your point moreso if this was next year, and she was just turning up for the socials repeatedly but 6 months in a new area isn't that long.

How is it hard work to say we are all meeting for a drink at X on X date, join if you want?
You send a group message and mention it at the meeting and that's the end of it isn't it.

No group members only. Not group members and selected family members.

I want to know what the hobby is.

Or would it be too outing like all other hobbies?!

I agree with the later replies. Especially as group leader, you can't look like you're taking advantage and bringing extras if others aren't meant to.

Tell her she needs to come to a session first.

If she's shy though, I'd have thought it would be far worse because normally she can put her head down and get on with the hobby. For this she'll need to make small talk with strangers who know each other- unless she plans on hiding in the corner only talking to op and mum, which would be awkward.

Mmm, no, if I were a member and had understood the event to be members only then I'd be pissed if the organisers sister attended as a non-member.

Tell her either she joins in a few meetings and is then a member and can come or she can't come. Or rather, tell Mother to tell her this, since she was the one who wrongly invited her!

It would be different if this were a do in a venue you're organising by yourself, you could have her there under the guise of helping perhaps, or helping your Mum or something, but as its a meal out thats really not going to work.

How about telling mum and sister that it's for group members only but if she joins the group now ofcourse she can come. Otherwise not in order to be fair to other members. You have to lead with good example, surely your family can understand that.

I think it’s fine for your sister to come. As long as she is aware that you would be in “work mode” and maybe you can get her to help out?

I’ve seen many volunteer groups or activities where the leader might invite their sister along - who usually acts as support and helps out.

If she doesn’t want to help out, then she can just join.

Also I would say the difference would be what type of social gathering - if it’s a sit down meal or something quite intimate I would be a little annoyed - but if it’s pretty open then that should be fine.

Surely she needs to attend a couple of times before Christmas, otherwise it's just weird to go to the social. I would not like to be sitting next to someone at the Christmas social who didn't even go to the group!

Your mother is out of order. If it's a members-only social, it's a members-only social - not members plus an extra one of her daughters. If nobody else gets a guest then being the organiser's mum doesn't give her special privileges.

If everyone could bring a guest that would be different, and.could be a great way to encourage your sister to join the club.

I belong to a hobby group that has a Christmas social. I would find it quite odd that someone who doesn’t do the hobby came to our social, whether it’s a partner or a sister of the instructor. Maybe your mum didn’t realise that plus ones weren’t invited?

Organise and entire extra event, just to pacify her mum and sister? You have to be joking. These things are HARD WORK.

It’s the hobby group’s Christmas social. Not a drop in for randoms. She’s your sister, but to everyone apart from your mum she’s a random and it will change the dynamic. Your mum had no business inviting her. YANBU.

Could you organise a less formal social such as drinks where all members are invited to bring guests (you could even end up getting new members join) and your sister is welcome to that. Then explain she can't come to the sit down dinner as it's members only.

I'm obviously out on my own here but this would really piss me off I was a member of the social club!!

So the group's leader can bring her sister but no one else can?

You can't have one rule for one and one for another.

It's either a social club meal for member's only or guests can be invited too.

I think you're right OP. But looks like most of mumsnet disagrees! ;)

OP, I'd simply tell your mother that it's a members only social and that everyone has been told that there can be no plus ones. And that if your sister turns up, it will look horrendously unfair.

Then it's down to her to tell the sister.

That really not how these things work. People will have been told that it's members only and there are no plus-ones. Then the leader of the group's non-member sister turns up, when no-one else has been able to invite someone?

I'm amazed at the majority people responses being that OP is being unfair. If she has a plus one (and that's how it will appear even if it's their mother who's invited her) OP's name will be mud among her members.

So if someone wants to invite a boyfriend and the restaurant has room say yes, if no say you are sorry but the restaurant is now full but he's welcome next time. It's simple

If she's shy, I'd imagine that a sit down meal where everyone else knows each other and has a common interest that she doesn't share is probably her idea of hell.

Sometimes the best way to woo new members into a group is at a social event.
Of course your sister should feel welcome, but I agree your mother should have checked with you first as the organizer.

But you could get new members join before Christmas anyway so it could busier?

Is she likely to feel more confident in joining the group if she meets them socially first so it's more like her first session really?

Inviting your sister to an all female group is not like bringing a boyfriend because then it's not all female, someone bringing a sister or other female friend or relative would be the same. And, again, if it was a way for them to preliminary meet the group then it's not really that weird.

And you say it's a hobby group, not like something with paid membership.

But if she had joined the group the restaurant could've fitted her in?

That makes no sense.

Maybe tell her she can come if there's room then?