So elderly DM went into hospital last weekend. She’s in general poor health, doesn’t look after herself at all, but nothing to the point of life threatening (although no doubt one day it will be!).
I work full time, have a small child and live about a 40 minute drive away. Have phoned every day, sorted stuff out for her on demand (spent an hour on the phone last night trying to sort out hospital tv!) and went down Sunday and Weds. When I arrive Weds I’m told she has contracted Covid and she and her whole ward have got it. I go in with mask on but only stay a few minutes.
Fast forward to today; just had upsetting phone call with DM who has said she has ‘nobody’, that other people are visiting and sitting with their relatives, that people (me) should be visiting regardless. When I challenged this I was told my attitude was ‘disgusting’. I eventually ended the call.
I am now sitting in between feeling guilty and upset and pissed off and, to be honest, unloved by her. These are not new feelings as it is a very difficult relationship; it is always all about her and I often only feature as her scapegoat/flunky. I will put serious money on the fact my brother will not have received this call.
To add context - despite how I feel I would have gone down today out of duty. However, I feel spending an hour on a ward filled with Covid - even with a mask on - presents a high risk of contracting it. I’ve had Covid about 4 times now, and each time it’s taken me a good month to get over (longer the first couple of times). My husband has been the same (who I would likely pass it onto). To me, the risk does not feel ok for me or my family for what would be a nicety for my mum. And if the situations were reversed I would absolutely be telling people not to visit me! However, my DM doesn’t seem to give 2 figs.
As the icing on the cake - it’s my birthday this week and were due to go away next weekend - all of which will be nicely cancelled by Covid if I get it!
YABU - Covid's not even a thing now, no one gets that ill so ‘man up’ and visit
YANBU - Stay away!!!! (And ignore your clearly narcissistic mother!).