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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Apparently I’m a c*#t

88 replies

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:16

My partner plays sport and won a big game today. I went to the game, cheered them on and celebrated with them immediately after the game. We then returned home and my partner got ready to go out to the pub with team mates. The original plan was that I would go out later to meet them to celebrate. I wanted to leave her have some time celebrating with her teammates and not have to worry about me as it is her local pub and I’m new to the area. When getting ready to leave she decided she wanted me to go immediately with her incase not everyone was there. I declined, reassured her that plenty of her teammates, coaches etc would be already there and said I would pop down later. She saw red and called me a c*#t twice and said she hated me. This isn’t the first time and there’s never an apology for any outbursts, only if I didn’t do x, y or z it wouldn’t have happened or she might say a few days later, if you weren’t so moody! I getting to a point where I’m at my wits end.

OP posts:
Kittensat36 · 19/10/2024 22:25

I expected to read that you had murdered her parents, beaten your children and cooked her pets when I opened this. But no, you didn't want to go to the pub at the same time as her.

I would also add that her team WON the game. How is she going to behave when she loses?

Get your ducks in a row, your practicalities sorted and get the eff out of there before she gets physical.

Hatty65 · 19/10/2024 22:25

I'd be a single cunt in your shoes.

WooleyMunky · 19/10/2024 22:25

thistimelastweek · 19/10/2024 21:26

No-one who loves me has ever called me a cunt.

Yeah, I am on the same page as this.
Nobody gets to call me a cunt.
Fuck that nonsense.

ProvincialLady24 · 19/10/2024 22:24

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:37

@SleepToad yes she is insecure and no one would think it as she comes across as bubbly and outgoing but she also has a temper and basically has said she’s always had it and that’s the way it is. It’s impossible to have a rational conversation as regardless of what’s been said, I’m wrong. Thanks for your reply as I know in my head it’s not acceptable but it’s really having confirmation that I’m not going mad and this behaviour is not cool.

It's not going to get better. Do yourself a favour and break free. Love should be considerate, caring, compassionate, compromising.

livvymc · 19/10/2024 22:22

DaisyChain505 · 19/10/2024 22:20

She’s shown you a taste of who she is, believe her.

I would never in my wildest dreams speak to someone I apparently loved like that.

to be honest I can’t even imagine a situation where I’d call a complete stranger a cunt and that I hated them.

This.
Her behaviour is completely unacceptable and she’s already told you she won’t change. You honestly deserve better. Hope you’re ok OP x

BustyLaRoux · 19/10/2024 22:21

Gosh this sounds like my ADHD daughter (who is 11!). She can be insecure, though bubbly and happy as well. Most people wouldn’t think she gets anxious or has rejection sensitivity. And in fact it is a lot better now she is a bit older. Previously though if she was having a big emotion and didn’t get her own way immediately she would verbally lash out. Calling me horrible names and saying she hated me. Slamming doors, screaming, etc. But this is an ND child who is learning to manage in the world.

Your partner has the emotional maturity of a 9 year old it seems. Lashing out, literally telling you “I hate you!” as a child does.

ND or narcissist, I am not qualified to say. However she is unlikely to change. This is abusive though. This is not someone to make a life with. Don’t do it to yourself. Your future self will thank you.

DaisyChain505 · 19/10/2024 22:20

She’s shown you a taste of who she is, believe her.

I would never in my wildest dreams speak to someone I apparently loved like that.

to be honest I can’t even imagine a situation where I’d call a complete stranger a cunt and that I hated them.

PennyApril54 · 19/10/2024 22:17

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:45

We have no kids but that is something we’ve hoped for but I know I’m my heart this is not behaviour I want my children to be around. I said it at the start of our relationship I didn’t want name calling to be something that became the norm. It’s crazy cause in our first year she stated how she hated the word c*#t (from a previous relationship) and now it’s something that she refers to me on a number of occasions.

You're better off out of this. This is no life for anyone . There's really no excuse. You've been supportive and this is the thanks you get. Others are right it is most likely to escalate over time. You're right that this is no place for children. Perhaps time to move on. Best of luck.

PennyApril54 · 19/10/2024 22:15

This is simply not nice at all. Completely irrational reaction. I hope you're ok. Have a read over people's comments and advice and think about your next move. It certainly seems like you deserve better.

DinaofCloud9 · 19/10/2024 22:14

People who love you do not call you a cunt.

Noseybookworm · 19/10/2024 22:12

Don't stay with her. Her behaviour towards you is unacceptable and will only get worse. Don't put up with this abuse. Leave.

Garlicbest · 19/10/2024 22:11

I voted YABU for staying with a partner who regularly calls you a cunt.

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:59

@WhereYouLeftIt we are living together with a few years and just moved back to her home village. My hometown is two hours away and so the logistics of work etc make it tricky.

OP posts:
Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:56

@Purplethursdays123 yes previous outbursts have lead me to do some reading and I feel it gets to a point where behaviours aren’t going to change. It just baffles me as no one would believe she is like this. People have said to me she we’ve met that she’s so happy and a different person. I just can’t get my head around it

OP posts:
Dotto · 19/10/2024 21:53

She's verbally abusive and controlling. Insecure is an explanation, not excuse.

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:51

@Singleandproud yes I agree it’s a red flag. I have considered that it’s time to call it quits. I think I would be looking to move back to my hometown but it’s two hours away and unfortunately the logistics of work etc make it tricky and something that would take some time to sort.

OP posts:
Stormyweatheroutthere · 19/10/2024 21:51

She has no respect for you.. Don't you deserve someone who does op?

Purplethursdays123 · 19/10/2024 21:48

Yeah it’s very over used but this person has some sort of personality disorder.

Vulnerable, everything is your fault, extreme fury sounds like covert narcissistic personality disorder. I’ve been watching lots of YouTube about this recently.

NPD is terminal. They won’t die but the relationship you have doesn’t exist except in your head. Stay the hell away. Please google and don’t delay.

Even if she had no personality disorders I would NEVER stay in a relationship with someone who called me a cunt. There is a basic lack of human decency and respect that is insurmountable.

Singleandproud · 19/10/2024 21:48

I wouldn't be going to the pub, I'd be packing my bags tonight and going to family / friends / Premier Inn tomorrow.

"I don't want to be in a relationship where verbal abuse and name calling is the norm, that's the way it is."

All ready to start a fresh and set up your future life on Monday.

BabyCloud · 19/10/2024 21:45

Leave asap. They sound vile.

Attelina · 19/10/2024 21:45

Uncontrolled aggression and raging over trivial things signals she is volatile and unsayable and you are at risk of the verbal aggression turning into physical violence.

You'll be walking on eggshells or doing things just to keep the peace if you stay with her.

getthosetitsup · 19/10/2024 21:45

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:37

@SleepToad yes she is insecure and no one would think it as she comes across as bubbly and outgoing but she also has a temper and basically has said she’s always had it and that’s the way it is. It’s impossible to have a rational conversation as regardless of what’s been said, I’m wrong. Thanks for your reply as I know in my head it’s not acceptable but it’s really having confirmation that I’m not going mad and this behaviour is not cool.

You don't have to put up with it - and that's the way THAT is.

Newbie986 · 19/10/2024 21:45

We have no kids but that is something we’ve hoped for but I know I’m my heart this is not behaviour I want my children to be around. I said it at the start of our relationship I didn’t want name calling to be something that became the norm. It’s crazy cause in our first year she stated how she hated the word c*#t (from a previous relationship) and now it’s something that she refers to me on a number of occasions.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 19/10/2024 21:40

"she also has a temper and basically has said she’s always had it and that’s the way it is."
That is a MASSIVE red flag! let's reword her - 'I'm an abuser and I have no intention of changing, so suck it up!'

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 19/10/2024 21:39

Fucking hell. I hope you didn't go to the pub, did you?