Apparently I’m a c*#t

Don’t wait around for her to grow up and change - she’ll only get worse.

This resonated me with me as I used to be with a (same sex) partner who told me very early on that she had the “inability” to say sorry, ever. Foolishly I ignored this red flag. It turned out that she never, ever apologised for any unkind behaviour, row, etc. About a year later, we were going away for a weekend break, and at the airport I jokingly asked her why she had brought her huge, heavy camera with her on holiday, when we could have bought a pocket disposable in duty free, and out of nowhere following this very minor comment, she called me a c**t. I was speechless with shock and demanded an apology which, of course, was not forthcoming. We then had 3 very unhappy days in another country not speaking to one another at all, because I was insisting on an apology, which I never, ever got.

I’ve no idea why looking back, but I stayed in that toxic relationship for several more years of emotional abuse. So I can tell you for a fact, it will only get worse. Run for the hills, and don’t look back.

She is a bossy control freak. Get rid.

This is very much verbal and emotional abuse. It's time to call it quits, especially since she said that this is just how it is. She's never going to change.

Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt.
I could say it a million times. I could dance around saying it in front of someone, but if that someone punched me in the face - for you did say I'd rather be punched in the face than utter that vile word - that someone could rightly be imprisoned.

It's just a word.

What matters here for the OP was context & her partner's intention.

Calling your partner a cunt in a threatening way because they won't immediately do exactly what you say? Well, that person sounds like a sociopath or narcissist or like they have extreme anger issues. And no respect whatsoever.

You should not put up with it. It is bullying and abusive. I could just about, at a push, imagine someone uttering the c word in a fit of rage during an extremely heated argument. But even then you'd expect an apology almost immediately afterwards.

She's trying to gaslight you and claim it's your fault she calls you these horrible names?

I see no positive reasons to continue this relationship. You deserve much, much better.

I understand you don't like the word - lots of people don't - but you think someone using a word you don't like gives you the right to punch them in the face?

If a woman called her boyfriend a cunt in anger, and he punched her in the face for it, you would think that was fine?

Sorry, I honestly don't mean to be picking on you personally, but I'm pretty shocked that you said this and nobody else has questioned it - is this a standard view? Do lots of people agree that use of swear words justifies violence? It's not a view I have heard before.

I thought it was pretty well accepted that, while swearing at someone can be verbally abusive (depending on context), this is less severe than actually physically assaulting somebody.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I haven’t read all the replies so apologies if I repeat what’s already been said, but I’ll say it anyway, YOU ARE EXPERIENCING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, your partner will not change, they will get worse, more controlling and demanding, you are at a really high risk of physical or mental damage.
Please confide in a trusted person nearby and work out a plan to finish the relationship, it will be hard, there will be many days when you feel bad for wanting to get away, but get away you must.
Going to a Therapist is maybe a good idea to help with the trauma you have/will go through.
Dont underestimate the impact of their behaviour.
Dig Deep, make that plan and get away.Good luck 🙏🏼

I am not joking!
I'd rather be punched in the face than utter that vile word. That's how strongly I feel about that!!!. People say "it's just a word" but, for me, it just gets my back up.
Classless

you now have a simple choice to make.Stay, and that is how its going to be (they have said so in terms) So-are you prepared to accept that?

She saw red when you didn't do what she wanted.

That's what you need to consider, and then think about how many more times you will put up with it.

I'd leave her for that. I certainly wouldn't be going to the pub.

she also has a temper and basically has said she’s always had it and that’s the way it is.
This is a disclaimer. It's her way of saying 'I warned you. You have to accept it.'
My partner once said to me early in our (living together by this stage) relationship 'I know I'm difficult to live with.'
That was it, he had given me fair warning, so afterwards it was like 'what did you expect? I told you. I acknowledged that I was difficult. If you have a problem with that, it's your problem.'
I'm paraphrasing but you get the gist.
That statement serves to excuse shitty behaviour and believe me, it doesn't get better.

Are you familiar with the acronym DARVO?

Time to get your ducks in a row snd get out of this. She sounds vile

I hope you are joking.

Swearing at a partner is bad yes, especially in an unprovoked context like this. It would be a dumping offence for many of us.

But do you seriously think it justifies punching someone? That's a whole new level of abuse there.

I have people in my life who are obsessed with narcissists to the point that I believe it cannot be everyone!!!

BUT the person who has caused me the most harm, the most discomfort and made me question myself is the person I am now 98% sure is a covert narcissist. The reason it’s so hard is exactly what you describe: one of our mutual friends said to me ‘she’s just such a ray of sunshine. She’s always so bubbly and happy.’

I almost lost the ability to speak. This person is a family member and I’ve stayed with her on many occasions and living with her is like living in a storm: mostly dark clouds and rain, occasional brief sunny spells but almost always heavy rain.

It took me so many years for the penny to drop. Covert narcissists are insidious, the worst, but the truth remains you are a supply of energy for them and they care not a jot for you. You serve them in some way, but they are using you and could not care less about your feelings: in fact they are enraged that you might consider that your feelings are important!!! What about them!!!

There is no happy love story that has someone calling them a cunt anywhere in it. That’s the line. If this person is a CN then be prepared to be the villain of the story, and the shades of crazy will be something to behold. Remember, they deserve everything and everyone else is there simply to fulfil their needs. Think queens and slaves.

Nope. Not cool. I'd be getting my ducks in a row tbh

Anyone who called me that vile word would get binned or punched in the face, be it friend/partner or family. Done!

Its not totally the same but I had similar with new neighbours. To all the others around, they were friendly, helpful, caring but they bullied me, or at least tried to. I think people like that need a victim and if they have got one, they are fine with everyone else. When the victim refuses to play then they find another one.

That is abuse. Don’t have children with her.

I'm sorry your daughter does this but she is only 9.

I'm an adult ADHD female and I do not treat people like this.

Being ND does not mean that you get to be abusive people. I'm excluding your daughter because of her age but as you age, like anyone else, you become aware of others, their feelings and consequences. You mature.

This woman is just abusive. ND or not.

My DH would have to call me this only once before his bags would be getting packed and he’d be sent on his merry way.