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Original poster

How to get him to pay his share... or sell the house?

53 replies

cocktailhournow · 19/10/2024 16:49

I'm at my wit's end with my fiancé. He doesn't earn enough to pay his half of the bills and mortgage, because he basically does part time hours through choice or volunteering to give up shifts. He could work more but doesn't.

Each month, I'm paying my half, then have to top up at least another quarter because he doesn't have the money to cover it.

How do I get him to sort himself out and pay his way? We didn't agree to me paying 3/4 of the total bills and I've had to take money from my savings a few times to cover his shortfall.

If he doesn't or can't, I think I'm done subsidising him. He will be very very against selling the house because he won't be able to get another mortgage on his wages. How do I make that happen if he's reluctant?

OP posts:
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BMW6 · 20/10/2024 17:44

If you stay with him and marry him what's to stop him reducing his work in future so you're back to paying for him to live?

He'd also be entitled to 50% of the marital assets then.

I think he's shown his true colours and wouldn't trust him in future financially

Better to break free now while it's easier OP. He's no bloody good.

Ellie56 · 20/10/2024 17:28

@cocktailhournow Good. Make it quite clear you are not putting up with his workshy lazy twattery a moment longer.

Original poster
cocktailhournow · 20/10/2024 15:44

Thanks everyone.

He used to work closer to full time hours when we first got together so the money wasn't an issue when we got the house.

To be honest, I don't even know that there is a way back from feeling like this, like I'm his mum bailing him out or something. It's probably made worse by the fact that my work is really full-on and stressful right now, so I get home after 12 hours at work and he's been on his arse all day.

I've told him that we need to go through finances later tonight.

OP posts:
Justsayit123 · 19/10/2024 19:53

Get rid of the loser

carly2803 · 19/10/2024 19:50

why are you even still with him!?

this is setting the tone for the entire relationship/future/marriage

get out now - either buy him out and chuck him out or sell the house

SinnerBoy · 19/10/2024 19:13

Sharkattack1888 · Today 18:43

Aren't they usually birthing and raising children as part of their contribution?

Well yes, that's fair, if all agreed, of course. He works because she's looking after the children and it's more convenient for all of them. A different kettle of fish to a bone idle, workshy layabout expecting to sponge off her efforts.

It'd be different if he was part time and struggling to get shifts, or a new job, but that's not the case. He thinks he's on Easy Street.

AgentJohnson · 19/10/2024 19:09

Let go of hoping he man’s up and accept that this is who he is. Thank your lucky stars you haven’t married him.

Get legal advice, so when you do talk to him you know where you stand.

GimmeHRT · 19/10/2024 19:00

Sell the house ASAP.

End the relationship with this user quickly.

Maray1967 · 19/10/2024 18:57

arethereanyleftatall · 19/10/2024 17:47

Really? The ones who are part time by choice and turning down paid shifts when they have no dc? Not sure I've seen that.

Show quote history

Neither have I. I know one woman who worked 4 days a week before DC and by agreement did the shopping and cleaning on the 5th day so they could enjoy weekends. Everyone else worked full time.

Dotto · 19/10/2024 18:57

To answer your actual question, when he refuses to put the house up for sale, you have to apply to court so he is legally bound by a judgement to sign. If you give Land Registry a call they can help advise.

Elsvieta · 19/10/2024 18:43

Tell him what you've told us: you can't pay more than half the bills, he needs to work more and pay his way. It doesn't sound like anything will change if you don't toughen up.

Sharkattack1888 · 19/10/2024 18:43

NeedToChangeName · 19/10/2024 17:41

Many women on MN earn less than their partners and don't feel obliged to pay 50% of the bills

Aren't they usually birthing and raising children as part of their contribution?

Havalona · 19/10/2024 18:41

What would YOU like to see happen OP?

Do you realistically see him suddenly turning all productive and hard working, or do you think he will promise but not deliver?

I'd have the conversation about his fecklessness and let him respond. But to my mind, as soon as he gets his feet under the table by marriage he will think he's entitled to half of everything (including your assets/savings) if you divorce. And he's probably right. Do you want this to happen?

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/10/2024 18:25

SinnerBoy · 19/10/2024 18:16

NeedToChangeName · Today 17:41

Many women on MN earn less than their partners and don't feel obliged to pay 50% of the bills

Well, to my mind, there's a big difference in having a less well paid job and being feckless, workshy layabout, declining shifts.

cocktailhournow

Have you got paperwork to back up the fact that you're paying the lion's share? If so, I suggest you take it to a solicitor and explain the situation and that you want to sell up, or buy him out, according to the little he's put into it.

Quite.

And there's a difference between working part time and contributing childcare and working part-time because you don't want to work.

OP, this is your one life. You're essentially paying this man to be with you. Is that what you want?

Comingupriver · 19/10/2024 18:25

YABU to marry this man. He is clearly SHOWING you who he is. Be wise and LTB or I guarantee you’ll be on here positing in a few years asking how to leave him. You are worth more than this crap.

SinnerBoy · 19/10/2024 18:22

BMW6 · Today 18:20

Why on earth did you a) buy a house and b) get engaged to such a cocklodger?

Yes, did you know he was like this beforehand, or has it developed afterwards?

BMW6 · 19/10/2024 18:20

Why on earth did you a) buy a house and b) get engaged to such a cocklodger?

Ellie56 · 19/10/2024 18:17

FGS Don't marry him.

Tell the lazy twat to start working overtime to pay his share and all the back payments he owes you by a certain time then either put the house up for sale or buy him out.

SinnerBoy · 19/10/2024 18:16

NeedToChangeName · Today 17:41

Many women on MN earn less than their partners and don't feel obliged to pay 50% of the bills

Well, to my mind, there's a big difference in having a less well paid job and being feckless, workshy layabout, declining shifts.

cocktailhournow

Have you got paperwork to back up the fact that you're paying the lion's share? If so, I suggest you take it to a solicitor and explain the situation and that you want to sell up, or buy him out, according to the little he's put into it.

BourbonsAreOverated · 19/10/2024 18:14

Sounds like you as a couple can’t afford the house because he doesn’t earn enough.
it seems logical that the house goes on the market to downsize to something you solely can afford when you split up

EveryOtherNameTaken · 19/10/2024 18:11

Even if he steps up he'll probably slack off again if you marry. He has no sense of responsibility

I'd be off.

BabyCloud · 19/10/2024 18:08

What happens if your bills suddenly rise? You need to sort this ASAP.

GladAllOver · 19/10/2024 18:06

It's too late to make him start paying 50%. He's already shown that he's not the man you thought he was when you bought the house together.
End it now.

DaftyLass · 19/10/2024 18:04

I'd give him a time line to contribute, or put him out.
Tell him he either ponies up his share or it gets sold

BabyCloud · 19/10/2024 18:03

I think you have no choice but to tell him to leave/sell the house. He is going to cost you immensely.

Have you gave him a major ultimatum? Put the figures in black and white in front of him? He sounds very reckless and immature.

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