To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

It's free

Same reason some men don’t want to castrate male dogs. It’s emasculating apparently. 😳

But a fair few people in this thread have said "I went through pregnancy, so he can do this!"

When DH decided to have a vasectomy, the risks of pregnancy came up in the discussion in terms of us wanting to make sure our contraception was as failsafe as it could be so that I could avoid that going forward.
But the risks/unpleasantness/side effects etc I went through in pregnancies that had already happened weren't a factor, if that makes sense.

Its not about tit for tat.
Its about acknowledging there are risks, that the woman in a partnership takes the majority of the risks, and then deciding what the best course of action is.

One person’s decision about what to do with their body is not ammunition for what another person should do with theirs

I agree.

DH and I agreed to have children.

We then agreed we didn't want any more, discussed what contraception would be best, and he had a vasectomy. But those were two separate conversations. It wasn't "I went through pregnancy and now it's your turn!"

Mine has just booked in.
it did take five years and two extra kids to convince him 🤣
but our youngest has been born with a really rare genetic disorder and requires a lot more extra care. So I think that’s what made his mind up. Another baby would be too much hard work for us x

Agree completely.

One person’s decision about what to do with their body is not ammunition for what another person should do with theirs – that’s a vile stance imo.

This thread is serving as a museum piece as to just how much MN hates men.

For me, even after baby number 3, I wanted another and DH definitely did not. However I was 41 when she came along. My feelings were while I was physically able to conceive I would want to, so I took my option away. DH did offer to have the snip, but I had such strong feelings about number 4, so dealt with it my way.

Precisely, it's bizarre to feel your partner owes you something because you gave birth. I imagine when plans are made regarding having a family, there isn't a conversation along the lines of "if I have your baby, you owe me a vasectomy".

This

Maybe with 3 kids they cant afford it.

LOL, brilliant post! 😆 👏

100% agree!

I think that this whole view that you can trade "favours" as some sort of relationship currency is a bit odd. I had a DC with my husband. It's something that we both agreed to do together, we both get a lot from this relationship. We spoke about the risks and i knew it was something i wanted to go through with regardless of the risks. Yes I carried DC and suffered quite badly but my husband doesn't "owe" me anything. And I certainly haven't "given him" a child, we are raising a child together!

Surely your relationships become unpleasant with the tit for tat mentality? If your husband does something for you are you obligated to return the favour?

Frankly, if they can't be bothered to step up and play their part in family planning, they aren't real men anyway, so there's no 'manhood' to lose. I can't believe that so many women are rushing to defend the poor 'menz' and their despicable selfishness. Sadly, we set the bar far too low, which enables the stunted men-children to let their wives and partners take over where their deluded mothers left off.

It's his prerogative not to have the snip, but in your place, I'd be exercising my right never to have sex with him again. I really couldn't entertain any man who had watched me go through the discomforts of pregnancy, the agony of birth and its awful aftermath and hen announced that he wasn't 'comfortable' with the very minimal risks of a vasectomy. It would give me the ick big-time and my fanny shutters would slam tightly shut, never to reopen again in his presence!

I can't even get mine to take a paracetamol!

So he wouldn't take that tiny risk himself but he has been, and is, more than happy for you to do so?

And what do women go through with child bearing and child birth?

They risk double incontinence, death, long term pain and other god awful changes to their bodies

He was 'afraid of incontinence or long-term pain?'

Not gonna lie, like some other posters on here, I reckon some men make any excuse under the sun to not have the snip. Anything will do as long as they don't have to get it done. Fuck what the mother of their children has been through, with pregnancies, multiple hours of labour, birth injuries, her body totally changing - not for the better - after giving HIM children, and endless monthly fucking periods. Yet some men are too chicken shit to have a small and basic procedure like a vasectomy. Fucking wimps.

They don't deserve to have a woman and they don't deserve to have sex (the men who refuse to get the snip!) I do wonder what the REAL reason is, but I suspect it's because they feel it will emasculate them, as a vasectomy basically makes them infertile. They're all happy enough for the woman to get her fucking tubes tied though. Which is objectively far worse than a man having the snip!

My husband decided not to because he wasn't comfortable with the risk of incontinence or long term pain. Just because my body has been through a lot (including incontinence and pain) doesn't give me the right to force him to risk those things too. He is happy to use condoms but we have to use other contraceptives in addition because condoms aren't 100% and I'm not comfortable with the risk of another unplanned pregnancy.

So gross.

She’d need to demand proof of the vasectomy, not just take his word for it. Many men would lie if the alternative was condoms.

I think a lot of men simply aren't willing to accept a tiny fraction of the risk, pain, inconvenience or indignity that women often have to go through in pregnancy and childbirth. Unwanted pregnancies also have much greater consequences for the woman than they do for the man.

After DC2 we were both very clear we didn't want more children. My perspective was 'I've put up with the side effects of hormonal contraception since I was a teenager. I've been through 2 high risk pregnancies, including HG and SPD, and 2 very long, painful labours, one of which nearly killed me. My body has been through enough. So you have 3 choices: you have a vasectomy, we use condoms or we don't have penetrative sex. If you choose condoms I won't be responsible for remembering to buy them, I have enough to remember'. DH's perspective was 'that's fair enough, I don't like condoms and they're not reliable so I guess I'll be having the snip then'. If he'd tried to argue, complain or pass the responsibility back onto me id have lost respect for him to be honest.

Yes. They are hedging their bets even if not a leaving the wife situation but a the wife dies or whatever. They want to be as eligible to the youngest attractive thing they can attract.

A 20- mid 30’s is likely to be in the I want my own children stage. A rich but snipped 40/50 year has zero chance unless he lies that his not snipped.

Which actually with the letter of confirmation of his infertility now long gone I wouldn’t put it passed some men. Then when they fail to get pregnant. Well it can’t be me love as I’ve already have 2/3/4 children. Let’s just focus on the ones I have your their step mum after all and then we can enjoy the grandchildren inbetween having holidays. He smugly says.

If you don’t think 98% effective is reliable then I don’t know what to tell you. Regardless, the contraception isn’t on me.