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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH is too sentimental?

86 replies

IAmARobot85 · 19/10/2024 11:02

DH's mum and dad gave him some birthday money last week in an envelope to spend on a treat.

DH put it in a drawer where he often keeps cash from selling things on Facebook marketplace. He has encouraged me to take cash from that drawer to use when I go for a haircut (as they prefer cash to card).

I took the money from the drawer to spend on a haircut. I forgot that it was the money from his parents rather than some other money that he wanted me to spend. It was an accident and I have apologised and offered to get some more cash out.

We have shared finances and DH's parents are still alive and well.

DH was sentimental about these particular notes. He wanted to spend them doing something fun and think of his mum getting the money out of a cash machine for him. He spent about 10 minutes talking about this last night and I kept apologising but ended up crying.

I could understand if it was a special coin from a deceased relative that he never wanted to spend, but this was some notes from relatives that are still alive and well and that he was planning to spend.

I think DH is sentimental to to the point that it is too much. We have a long history of similar incidents. He thinks I am a bit of a robot as I am not so sentimental.

AIBU to this his sentimentality is not normal?

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 19/10/2024 11:53

This is madness. He’s being ridiculous and unreasonable!

ImustLearn2Cook · 19/10/2024 11:49

If that particular money was so sentimental then why throw it into a drawer that he uses for regular cash that he’s previously invited you to use?

If it was so sentimental then he should have put it in a special place to differentiate it from other money.

@IAmARobot85 You have nothing to apologise for. It is completely on him.

ExcludedatfiveFML · 19/10/2024 11:42

Unless he's got some kind of impairment, he's being totally ridiculous

The point of money is that it's fungible, one tenner is the same as another

Pallisers · 19/10/2024 11:26

That is bananas. If Dh reacted like that I'd be presuming he was searching around for something to give out to me about.

Topjoe19 · 19/10/2024 11:17

He's nuts. Cash is cash. It's been a lot of people's money before it got to him, nothing special about it!!

Butterflyfern · 19/10/2024 11:15

I am pretty sentimental. I keep certain cards and momentos and such like. And find throwing things away emotionally draining.

But this is totally batshit. What's he going to be like when his parents die?! You're going to end up living in a shrine if he doesn't develop some coping strategies

Original poster
IAmARobot85 · 19/10/2024 11:12

That being said, you said it was a mistake and you have apologised, so he needs to move on. But it depends how you are apologising – if in the same breath you are criticising or belittling his sentimentality over the money then to him it probably doesn’t seem like a genuine apology. No one like an ‘I’m sorry, but’ apology.

I agree that would be a bad apology. I have just been saying "I am sorry. It was a mistake. You have encouraged me to spend money from that drawer before and I got mixed up. I wouldn't have spent it if I had known what it was. Do you want me to get some more money out? We still have the envelope and some of the money left."

OP posts:
Didimum · 19/10/2024 11:09

My DH is very sentimental. Keeps hold of everything. Items hold great meaning for him. I am not this way at all, but I respect he is and do not throw things away or take them without speaking to him first.

That being said, you said it was a mistake and you have apologised, so he needs to move on. But it depends how you are apologising – if in the same breath you are criticising or belittling his sentimentality over the money then to him it probably doesn’t seem like a genuine apology. No one like an ‘I’m sorry, but’ apology.

TentEntWenTyfOur · 19/10/2024 11:08

My DH is so lacking in sentiment and empathy it is unreal. He has absolutely no concept of why, for instance, I would get upset because he broke a small tumbler, and just doesn't seem able to care that it was the last remaining one of a set that I bought late DM donkeys years ago, and I've been using it ever since she died. It is just another glass to him and cannot understand the fuss.

DD went on a week-long school trip and bought some sweets with her spending money from a gift shop. DH mistakenly ate them, and bought her another packet. Again, he was incapable of comprehending that those replacement sweets were not HER sweets.

Perhaps your DH is like me and my dd, and you are more like my DH.

Harrriet · 19/10/2024 11:06

I'm really sorry @IAmARobot85 I'm not in the habit of criticising other people, however exceptions can be made! What a bloody wet Lettuce your Dh is. Don’t give it another thought.

FicheSeacht · 19/10/2024 11:06

That sounds a bit mad, tbh. Mind you, so does keeping a whole drawer of cash, some of which is of sentimental value, and some not.