To have stood my ground with SIL

We used to have one of those who demanded what they thought they should have. It stopped shortly after:
"Our ds is walking we need you to drop off all your stairgates this morning."

Lovely moment of being able to say perfectly truthfully that all the stairgates had already been given away

Answer: do you still want the camping equipment so? (Not quite as argumentative as it could be but makes her have to back off!)

I have a SIL who sounds very much like your SIL.

When I first met DH, I found her pushiness quite intimidating and would give in to and enable it.
Since menopause I have cared less and less what other people think and I now don’t take any crap from her. She knows this and, consequently, is less toxic towards me.

To be honest, she has mellowed a bit and, whilst I would never choose to spend time with her socially, family events are now actually pleasurable.

What did she say in a sarcastic message this morning?

The crucial thing is how your DP has reacted. If he's sympathised with her then he can sort out the equipment and take it there. And stay there. I'm guessing people don't say 'no' to her very often.

What was your partner’s response to her message, and to you? Is he telling his sister to stop her ridiculous and entitled behaviour and has he told her she was totally out of line to show up when you were on your way out?
Or is he on her side and having a go at you?

I would pull the plug on lending her anything now. Pretty sure she can hire something or he can borrow camping gear from someone else. She shot herself in the foot with her own behaviour.

So you readily agree to lend SIL camping stuff (nice of you) and she repays you by showing up when you told her not do and suggesting you'd forgotten all about it. Does she think you have dementia??? Then you get a sarcastic message? I'm thinking pull her up on it and withdraw offer of said camping stuff in future. Tell her to get her own....

She sounds horrendous, obviously playing on your good nature.
I would get the stuff together, let her come and pick it up, then tell her if she rides roughshod over you in the future you won't be so generous.

Sorry if I’m being blind but which word do you mean?

@bagpuss90

“Hi SIL,

As I had told you when you asked me, I will
sort the camping equipment during the week end and I will text you when they are ready to be picked up.

since you made it clear that you dont like this timing and as I cannot and will not change my plans at such short notice, I suggest you borrow the equipments from someone else.

here is the contact detail of the nearest shop and of your brother.

best regards,

xx”

I'm interested in this part too.

However based on her attitude to you AND trying to get DP to "have a word" with you would mean I wouldn't lend her anything again unless she did a big apology first.

Sil, there's no need to he telling on me like a child or the sarky reply you sent earlier. I did tell you I was too busy to sort it last night so I don't know why you chose to ignore that and turn up anyway? It was a bit unreasonable of you to have expected me to go and dig about in the dusty garage getting camping gear ready whilst I was getting ready to go on a night put, especially when the equipment isn't needed urgently.

go NC with her and tell your husband that his sister is mentally too unwell and needs to see a GP and that she is his problem from now on

just don't reply to her.

let her come to you. That will make her ask about coming round.

Personally I would glide graciously over the top of the whole pushy incident and give her the stuff if she comes round and wish the kid a nice time. Don't get dragged down into this rubbish.

Bizarre behaviour- so unnecessary, especially crying to your DP and sending you a snarky message. has she got for, for this?

I would be lending her fuck all after this 😂 But then again, I can be stubborn about teaching people a lesson 😀

This

Please tell us what he said

But there are consequences for rude, entitled behaviour. I hope her kids don’t end up like her but without boundaries they will. Do not feel guilty - stick to your boundaries and leave them to it.

What a bloody weirdo!

I’d quote my own message saying you couldn’t get the the stuff sorted straight away and reply to her saying - like I said, I couldn’t get anything sorted out last night, if you want to still borrow it sort it with DH.

You're doing her a favour and she's giving you grief. I'd show her real pettiness and revoke the offer completely.

Good grief!

Id message back 'did you mean to be so rude?'

What did your DH say to her?

I'd leave it with DH to sort out now. He can organise it and get it ready for SIL to pick up. I wouldn't reply to her sarcastic message at all and wouldn't be going out of my way to help SIL again (nephew is different).

@HelplessSoul do you know the origin of the word you used here? Do you know how offensive it is?

Surely it's common knowledge that the R word and any derivative of it should never be used.