To have stood my ground with SIL

Yes, this would really piss me off, the attitude that if she appeals to a 'higher power', you can be put back in your box. I'd be messaging her saying, 'It's the 21st century - no man tells me what to do and you can buy your own camping equipment now, you fucking ingrate.'

Wow. What a prize cow your sil is.

Just stick to your original offer, it shows you stay true to your word and you're not to be fucked with

This is ideal.

Yes this is probably the answer but the petty side of me would not want to give her the items anymore. Ungrateful.
I'd still do it for nephew but would expect partner to tell her she is being unreasonable and should make amends for her demanding behavior.

You're entirely in the right OP, so you really don't need to do anything other than repeat why you were in the right and then ignore her.

She's a nerve. Although it sounds as though she pushes and tramples to get her own way and a bag to put it in.
I think you did the right thing standing your ground last evening. Get the camping stuff out in your own time and send it round with your partner. If she chooses to not engage with you, fine, but she's burned her bridges with you over this.

I'd message back saying
"I'm thinking your sarcasm and rudeness towards me means you no longer want to borrow the camping equipment.
No worries as it saves me having to spend my time sorting it out"
Hope DN enjoys the weekend.

If she continues or moans to your DH he always has a choice to sort it out for her.

I agree but her attitude is not going to help him either.

There are other ways that he can still go on the trip - I'm guessing the camping equipment is a tent and sleeping bag and such - well - she could see if they are sharing their tents with other people going on the trip and then he doesn't need a tent. Sleeping bags can be bought in Argos and generally speaking they are a buy once and use for several years types of things if they don't get used often so it should be seen as an investment by them.

I fail to see how this is a you issue to resolve for them though. I assume there is a BiL (the husband to this woman) here too and what is his position on the situation?

This

I'd send her a message (and I'd also send it separately to your DH who I'm guessing doesn't really want to be caught in the middle here but due to her texting him last night, she put him there, not you) and I'd say that unfortunately now that you've actually had an opportunity to scour your garage, you can't find the camping equipment and her son will have to source some from someone else or buy his own for going on this trip with cubs or perhaps contact his Troupe leader to find other willing parents.

Under no circumstances would I be loaning her anything - chances are you'd loan it and never see it back. She is giving me that kind of vibe.

Yes I would never use the latter, I probably didn’t need the link. Maybe it could have been put better but it doesn’t actually say the r word does it.

I worked with someone like this. It’s bullying. She wanted everything done to her imaginary timetable and nothing else.

Lend her the stuff if you want to but text and say if she wants anything in the future to ask DH as you won’t be doing it.

Just respond to dsil that what would be petty behaviour is if you were to not lend the kit after her behaviour and response to you keeping your boundary and not being able to do something instantly and iterate that as you are reasonable you wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing.

or more realistically let your husband (I’m assuming her brother?) tell her to wind her neck in

Block her.. Let your dp deal with her.. See if he is so kind in sorting his camping stuff out to lend her.. He doesn't have any? Shame that..

Fucktard. From the word r*tard.

https://www.specialolympics.org/stories/impact/why-the-r-word-is-the-r-slur

You can Google "why is r*tard offensive" to find lots of other resources on this.

Fuck that

Just tell your DP to sort it out now and if he doesn't and she messages you again you can just say you forgot

Short and sweet...and correct. 😁

Suggested reply to her sarcastic message:

”ha ha, glad you can see the funny side. Hope you manage to find all the gear from someone else as I seem to have mislaid our stuff.”

There are two reasons people act like this. One: they are just cheeky bastards and don't give a shit.
Two: people let them behave that way.
Grinds my gears and can't be doing with the twats. Hence why I live a lovely life with no twats in it.
Only fleeting ones...

Tell her you've changed your mind and she can piss off with her attitude

My thoughts exactly! This person sounds as though they need help if other people’s problems affect them that much. And as you say, they should keep away from the forums.

NovemberMorn
100%

Another good one is, You can throw your shit at me but don’t expect me to pick it up.

Good on you.
Do not let her gaslight you into thinking you did something wrong - she was well out of order and sounds a very controlling.

It often works that way, stand up to an overbearing person = they treat you with more respect.
Kowtow to them, they will carry on treating you quite badly.