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Original poster

To have stood my ground with SIL

133 replies

bagpuss90 · 19/10/2024 10:32

SIL is known for being quite pushy . I think I’ve posted about her on here before. She called me last night to ask if her son could borrow some camping gear from me (I’ve got loads of camping stuff) for an indoor activity with his cubs. I said yeh no problem . She asked if she could pick it up last night- I said no because I was getting ready to go out and didn’t have the time to sort it out. I said I’d do it over this weekend. I wrote it in my to do list. He doesn’t need the stuff til next weekend. Anyway 20 minutes later SIL was on my doorstep asking to pick the stuff up as she thought I’d forget and no I don’t have form for being forgetful. I had a cab picking me up in 15 minutes and I wasn’t quite ready . I probably was a bit short with her - telling her I’d already said I hadn’t got the time last night. She stomped off and messaged my DP (who was also out last night) to say how petty she thought I was being. I wasn’t being petty- the stuff is packed in the garage and I simply did not have the time to sort it . Was also dressed to go out and didn’t want to be raking about in a dusty garage. I’ve had a sarcastic message this morning from her .

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 19/10/2024 15:53

bagpuss90 · 19/10/2024 11:03

The thing is they don’t have much money and I don’t want her son to lose out - not his fault

It sucks but I still wouldn’t lend it because I have a feeling she wouldn’t return it in proper condition or at all. She can ask the other camping group parents to help her out.

HelplessSoul · 19/10/2024 15:48

TheNewSchmoo · 19/10/2024 15:24

All the "block" and "no contact" suggestions are so dramatic. Whatever happened to resolving things with a conversation. Like adults.

The OP had a conversation with her SIL - and the stupid woman still rocked up at the OP's door - uninvited.

That alone is reason enough to block the stupid fucker.

NeckolasCage · 19/10/2024 15:47

I’d be really blunt back to the sarky message. She can dish it out, she can take it!

’🤣🤣 is that an attempt at sarcasm? Look, I love you and I don’t want to fall out with you so I’m going to be as direct as you! I don’t do being bulldozed. I’ll never do being bulldozed so don’t do it because you will never get anywhere with me with that nonsense 😄 I also don’t do being told that I’ll probably forget, because I won’t, and you know that. I said I’ll drop it round and I still will, when I said I will. That’s ME on MY time. I’m really happy to lend to nephew so like I’ve already said, see you Weds. And no, there’s no need to complain about me to DP either. Cheers x’

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/10/2024 15:45

TheNewSchmoo · 19/10/2024 15:24

All the "block" and "no contact" suggestions are so dramatic. Whatever happened to resolving things with a conversation. Like adults.

Because many of us have tried that and the CFs don't change their obnoxious behaviour.

cwcanfo · 19/10/2024 15:38

I'd send her a message saying she was out of order, that you'd already told her you'd get the stuff ready and bring it round but that you were going out that evening so it wasn't possible. You're willing to lend the stuff to your nephew this time and will bring it round on x date or have it ready to collect, but you won't lend things in the future if she is going to behave like this.

Rude and entitled CF

Avatartar · 19/10/2024 15:32

Think I’d send her a bulldozer emoji followed by as she’s treating you badly, you’re taking g back the offer as you can’t be sure your gear won’t be treated in the same way and she’ll have to ask someone else

Irridescantshimmmer · 19/10/2024 15:29
  • foot not foo
Irridescantshimmmer · 19/10/2024 15:28

Demand an apology from the cheeky so and so before lending her your camping gear. She's not the sharpest tool in the box so she could continue to be rude and entitled in the future.

The moment you put your foo down, idiots like this learn their place.

TheNewSchmoo · 19/10/2024 15:24

All the "block" and "no contact" suggestions are so dramatic. Whatever happened to resolving things with a conversation. Like adults.

Polkad · 19/10/2024 15:18

Complete CF.
I wouldn't give it to her and I would block her number.
Rude and unacceptable behaviour.
Push back hard.

Owly11 · 19/10/2024 15:17

I wouldn't lend it to her at all now. Just drop her a message saying you checked your garage and can't find it.

ThomasPatrickKeatingsDegas · 19/10/2024 15:15

DingDongDell70 · 19/10/2024 15:12

I’d send this tbh.

Show quote history

This is PERFECT!

I need you as a friend to advise me how to respond to the overbearing people in my life

DingDongDell70 · 19/10/2024 15:12

FasterMichelin · 19/10/2024 11:11

"SIL, do we have a problem here? I've offered to lend the gear to newphew, and I will, but I don't appreciate your attitude and turning up when I've told you I'm busy. The respectful thing to do is be grateful I'm lending it and wait until I have time to sort it.

I'm willing to overlook it on this occasion but I won't be lending anything in the future if you continue to do that. You can collect on Wednesday."

I’d send this tbh.

Whatsernom · 19/10/2024 15:10

She sounds like a very passive aggressive turd. Very much like my SIL 😂

bergamotorange · 19/10/2024 15:05

Message her back today and say you will honour the promise to lend the stuff because you don't want to upset her son, but that she was out of order and you won't be lending again in future.

She sounds like very hard work. Hope your DP backs you up.

Iloveacurry · 19/10/2024 15:05

Is she always like that? You said not this evening, but she still turns up! Have you replied to her?

Jellyslothbridge · 19/10/2024 15:02

I think it's important to indicate you are unhappy with her approach (not listening or respecting your time, messaging DH and being sarcastic) You are happy to still lend nephew the kit but expert her to be more respectful from now on.

Savingthehedgehogs · 19/10/2024 14:59

I have the odd pushy sort in my life and the only language they seem to understand is radio silence and grey rock, anything else will start an argument due to their entitlement.

Savingthehedgehogs · 19/10/2024 14:57

All future requests would certainly be declined without hesitation. Dp can honour this one and I would be distancing myself without an apology op.

Candaceowens · 19/10/2024 14:56

What did her message this morning say?

Savingthehedgehogs · 19/10/2024 14:55

Bloody rude!

HonoraBridge · 19/10/2024 14:54

SIL sounds like a nightmare. Well done for standing your ground.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 19/10/2024 14:44

I have a feeling SIL thinks you have an awful lot of ‘stuff’ she doesn’t have and while she may resent it also feels entitled to use it. And she’s already told her son it was fine to borrow and that she was off to pick it up.
When you have quite rightly told her your situation she’s got the hump and messaged her brother, which is childish and pathetic.
She may be short of funds but she can’t expect you effectively to provide for hobbies on her say-so.
That’s her job.
You sound really generous OP so in this occasion talk to your DH and get him to drop the gear off - I think it’s really sad that SIL’s son had to deal with the consequences of his mother’s actions.

CalmNina · 19/10/2024 14:41

Now she ain't getting nothing from me! How about that!🙄

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/10/2024 14:41

Trumptonagain · 19/10/2024 13:59

I'd message back saying
"I'm thinking your sarcasm and rudeness towards me means you no longer want to borrow the camping equipment.
No worries as it saves me having to spend my time sorting it out"
Hope DN enjoys the weekend.

If she continues or moans to your DH he always has a choice to sort it out for her.

This.

Let your partner deal with her.

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