To have stood my ground with SIL

Tell her her attitude stinks and she can buy her own bloody equipment.

When heard about the sarcastic message best response would have been:

Hi SIL. I understand that you think I am being petty. I have no idea why my expecting you to:

1. respect our arrangement made on the phone that I would sort and drop camping equipment at yours

1. not suggest I am forgetful based on no evidence whatsoever

1. trust me to do as I say

can be construed by you as petty. I consider my expectations entirely reasonable.

As arranged I will drop the equipment off at yours during the week.

Any response from.her that isnt an apology, just ignore!

Yes, this is certainly a trick that she might try.

She may frame it as you 'had too much stuff in the way of it' and 'couldn't get at it to use it when it was needed (i.e. demanded) anyway', so she's 'doing you a favour' - with no common-sense acknowledgement of the fact that most people store the less-often used things at the back and plan ahead for getting them just before they're needed.

If you do end up lending it, I wouldn't be surprised if she just kept all. She is already being nasty and rude about it. I wouldn't lend it at all after her behavior.

Leave it to your DP to sort. He should reply to make it clear SIL is in the wrong, along the lines of "I've spoken to Bagpuss. She said you could borrow our stuff but wouldn't have time to dig it out of the garage until Sunday, so I'm not sure why you turned up when she'd said she was busy and now you're being rude to her. We will drop the stuff round on Sunday for DN, but please don't treat Bagpuss like that, especially when she's doing you a favour!"

Depending where she is on the scale of slightly annoying to total CF, I'd consider reducing contact to pleasantries and family events and leaving DP to handle anything he wants to do beyond that.

Nothing to do with not having much money. Manners cost nothing and she I was very rude to you
o tell her to sling her hook and pop into Argos

Message back with. ‘I was disappointed to receive your last message which was somewhat sarcastic. This is unhelpful. In the interests of a harmonious family dynamic I would very much appreciate am apology. I will be glad to locate and retrieve the camping gear for you if you respect me enough to oblige. It is important that we try to treat each other decently. I hope you also feel as strongly about maintaining mutual respect and a good relationship as I do.’ Then don’t answer until apology arrives - just resend, if you get more sarcasm.

Cheeky madam!
(Her)

To be honest @bagpuss90 if it was for her and not her son I would have said not to let her have it with that attitude, but you don't want the son to suffer. As you can tell from all the votes, nobody thinks you are being unreasonable, you should stand your ground. I hope your DP feels the same.

I’d be really cross, first because you said now, second because she then turned up! You’re not stupid, why on earth did she think turning up was a great idea when you’d told her not that evening? Is she normally this entitled?

Indeed. Most people understand that, when somebody is doing you a favour, you act considerately and work to their convenience - so that they don't withdraw it or decide it's too much hassle when you ask next time, even if not because you are just actually grateful for their kindness.

It tends to be not very bright people who respond in an entitled, demanding, bulldozery way as the recipient of favours - then they are puzzled as to why people stop offering/agreeing to them in future.

Feel free to start one yourself - we're overdue a good new CF thread!

Tell her to borrow the camping stuff from someone else if your availability offer doesn’t suit her.

Good grief. I'm not easily offended. I answered a question. I wasn't the original poster regarding the word.

Dear x, what's the urgency? Who is pressuring you?!" Is wed OK and should dp drop it off? Ps don't drag dp into this, he is not my boss.

She might need it sooner as they like to check all the equipment. But she should have said, not just panicked and turned up.

Fantastic!

For someone so easily offended, you’re pretty offensive yourself.

So is your partner her brother? He needs to tell her in no uncertain terms to back off. Silly cow. Good on you for standing firm!!

It's derived from/based on the word and is intended to call it to mind.

You know, when you know better you're supposed to do better, not argue for still being shitty.

The word fucktard was used. Which is derived from r*tard. And hence is offensive.

Why don't you sit down and engage your brain?

I think you have not read the posts properly.

The word used is offensive because it is derived from another offensive word.

It is all explained quite clearly in the thread of posts.

That word wasn’t actually used, stand down.

What was the sarcastic message and what did your DH say to her when she phoned, @bagpuss90 ?

So rude, I would be really pissed off if I was you.

Exactly.
OP was the adult.
SIL is rude entitled and disrespectful.
She has form for this behaviour.

I wouldn't trust someone like that to return my property the way they got it.

Some adults chase after rude entitled CF's.

Other adults drop the rope, avoid and refuse to reward rude, ignorant behaviour.

I don't know what your SIL sarcastic message was but I think I'd respond with.

'Hi SIL, I think what you meant to say was 'apologies for turning up yesterday and disrupting your evening. I really appreciate you putting yourself out for my ds. Please let me know when it's convenient to collect the camping gear and I'll come and get it then, with a bottle of your favourite wine as a sorry and thank you'

If not, feel free to borrow or buy the camping gear elsewhere.

Cheers OP.