Friend told me I’ve lost myself in motherhood

Have you got any mum friends? I think that's really important.
I don't like meeting childless friends with my children, as they won't get it and I'd just find the whole thing annoying.

I was one of the last people in my friendship group to have kids and I’d say:
a) I still understood that kids change things and so I’d make sure I structured our get together around them when they were little and not blame my friend for being kid focused (helps I like kids a lot). I have friends who admit they didn’t do this and felt annoyed by their friends who had kids - but that’s quite immature / they realised later it wasn’t fair.
b) I did however really appreciate it when friends managed to make an effort to meet me without the kids as their husband looked after them - and quite a few friends valued having non kid time so now you know your friend is a bit rubbish with the kid side of things maybe use her more for that?
c) Despite this, definitely underestimated how much focus I would have on mine once they were born and so to an extent I do think it’s tricky to explain to someone without kids and you need to take that into account

Child free people are dickheads when it comes to understanding-I was one as didn’t have DD until I was 41.

You’re just being a normal mum, which your friend will be unable to understand. You don’t need to ‘get back to yourself’ at all, who you are right now is mum to a toddler and that demands a lot of attention. It’s frustrating for friends without children because it’s usual to focus on each other when you’ve met up and toddler stuff is really quite boring when it’s not your own child. But a good friend would be supportive and realise that this is just your life for now, and you will be a more attentive friend again when you don’t have a small child to look after.

But the friend may never have a child. She’s perfectly entitled to prefer seeing her friend without a toddler in tow.

Well yes, when you become a mother it's normal for that to take over your life. Your friend is clueless (and rude).

Yes, it’s one of the annoying things about being in the presence of a friend who has a small child with them — they are continually distracted. See her solo if you have childcare.

Being ‘lost’ in motherhood is another matter, though. It’s subjective. Do you think it’s true of you?

Just wait until she has a child.. I had a friend like this and it was a long wait but she was apologetic when she realised.

No, you’re right. When you become a mum your life changes - you no longer put yourself first, you put the child and its safety first. Toddlers need constant supervision. It’ll change again in just a few years when they need less constant supervision.

The solution here is not to take your toddler out with you and your child-free friends.