Help! My husband's feelings are being hurt but am I being mean?

Would I tell him he stinks? Absolutely 😂🤦‍♀️

I wouldn’t consider that to be exceedingly rude after he’s had a few!

The JD consumption is quite a lot… a small bottle contains a weeks worth of units.

You said it's upsetting you and that it is like the smell you remember of someone who passed away - was this in any way a traumatic loss or traumatic experience for you? Your amygdala may be just recalling the smell and the feelings you had at the time?

Not pregnant are you? I couldn't abide the smell of beer when I was pregnant.

Has he always drunk those beers or has he recently decided he likes them more, or drinking a larger quantity?

I get what you are saying btw, I hated it when X drank beers as his whole body stank and even a hot shower wouldn't get rid of the smell. Always had to wait approx 24 hours until he had pee'd or sweated it out.

You are not wrong to tell him it's affecting you but perhaps you need to be kinder in explaining it.

I had a similar issue when my ex would drink too much white wine.

it turned his aroma into a vinigary type smell. It tainted the pillows and our bedding too. In particular, I was constantly changing the pillow slips and pillow protectors.

Really gave me the ick. It was awful. I found it unbearable. It didn’t happen when he drank red wine, so he swapped.

Im too old to be pregnant.

pregnant?

But are you exceedingly rude to him about it?

I can’t cope when my dh drinks beer either. The smell fills the room he’s in and lasts the following day too. Its not just breath, it’s on his skin. Some people are just sensitive to smells.

Have not RTFT.

I also have - as my family put it - a telescopic nose. I have a really really acute sense of smell.

I would never tell someone they "stink" - especially someone I love. That's really nasty. Use better phrasing if you really can't put up with (normal human) smells

Me too.

is it guiness
that smells revolting to me

Your sense of smell may be heightened if you are sensitive at the moment. Also viruses (famously COVID but others too) can alter your sense of smell. Have you had a cold recently?

The words you used were not ok really, try saying 'the smell is really strong' - you said 'you stink' which is a playground insult!

Have a chat with him about this.

You've got a lot in your past too, if you had alcoholism at home. But rotting flesh? That seems unusual.

Smelling for diagnosis aside, your title should really say ‘I have hurt my husband’s feelings’ because you have – it didn’t passively happen so you should take responsibility for it.

Unless he’s a raging alcoholic, it’s not his fault and you shouldn’t speak that way to your partner. I’d be so hurt if my DH said this to me if I suddenly developed an issue with smell.

I know exactly what you mean. Had a neighbour where the man drank a lot of beer every day and their house certainly had a certain smell I put down to the drink. Even though he did not drink in the house.

You beat me to it. I was thinking exactly that.

Could you be pregnant?

I can see why you hate it; but I do think you’re being a bit mean, then. It doesn’t sound like he’s drinking to excess, or there’s anything he can do about it, other than not drink beer. I mean, that’s what I’d do if me drinking it made DH uncomfortable, but I don’t know how I’d feel about him demanding that, and it doesn’t seem healthy to encourage him to drink more whiskey…

I do think people smell differently after beer than whiskey, so I’m not sure the old experiences are relevant.

Is he drinking a different sort of beer to previously? Or has he recently had a course of antibiotics that may have changed the digestive bacteria in his gut?

What happens when he drinks a different brand of beer? I would get him to give that a try? Some brands smell worse to me. I know what you mean about the smell, especially our bedroom after my husband has slept in it all night after having a few beers, it stinks! Fortunately he rarely drinks these days. I would ask him to try drink something different, so Guinness instead of larger and see if that helps. Or maybe switch to wine?

Ok good. I think pp has it. Google says that alcohol will change the composition of your sweat as it is metabolised differently from other sugars.

Tbh I would use this an an opportunity to talk about his drinking in general. Maybe get a health check.

If my husband told be that something I was drinking was making me smell awful and he didn't want to be near me then I would stop drinking it. If you DH is unable to stop or doesn't want to then you have bigger problems. If he is regularly drinking 5 beers day then he is at risk of alcoholism. How often does he drink. If it's daily then that's really not good.

Alcoholism is progressive. If he's already at minimum a problem drinker then it's likely to get worse.

My dad's an alcoholic. It used to be 'a lot but not excessive' then we noticed he was taking shot of vodka in the kitchen on his own. The wine went from a glass a night to a bottle. Any journey became 'stressful' so he needed a drink afterwards. Lunches out became 'looking for a pub that sells that IPA that I can't get where I live'

He's been hospitalised several times from falling over (we suspect he was drunk) and from 'liver infection' that he didn't tell us about until he was already recovered from.

I'm possibly being over cautious and wary about alcohol op, but it's just a warning from someone who's too far gone and maybe this could be a great thing for your DH to get on top of it. If he can't, bigger questions about possible dependency on alcohol and why it's more important to him then your feelings/sense of smell/ attraction to him.

Most alcohol is metabolised and excreted through our pores and sweat glands, which is why cleaning his teeth or taking a shower won't help. If this smell is a recent change for your husband then maybe it's worth him getting a GP check up to ensure there's nothing untoward going on in his body.