Found escort website on husbands history

Just read through this thread and can’t help wonder how OP is now and what happened with this situation? x

How you doing OP?

At the very least I would ask him to leave and make it clear that if he can't do this then it's obviously just words about wanting to fix it.

Use the time alone to heal and then make a decision.

I'm.surprosed he didn't just say it was want material and actually admitted to calling them.

If his reaction was simply "sorry but you aren't putting out enough" (which is exactly what he is sugar coating) then your thoughts need to be why not. Not because you are in any way to blame but more like: is he actually even doing a fair share or is he expecting you to mother him too and still be thrilled to jump his bones.

As a minimum, an absolute minimum, id expect him to move out whilst you have counselling and decide what you want. Not necessarily with a view to staying together. His willingness to experience any discomfort such as moving out will likely show you if his "sorry" and commitment to change means anything or whether it's empty words with an expectation of being in the dog house for a few weeks before you go back to making his meals and "trying harder" to have sex.

How far along are you? Other posters probably won't support me on this, but as a married woman with a toddler and a baby on the way, I'd probably get an STI check asap and then make him think I'd left it.

I'd open a secret bank account and put everything I can in there over the next 12 months while I planned my exit from the marriage. I'd keep looking but stop confronting him. I'd essentially stay until I was in a position to leave without disrupting the kids too much.

Have you got a sister or a friend you can talk to or ask for help? You will be in shock but it would be sensible to see a solicitor, find out where you stand. It would help to have a friend by your side or available to help you do the things you need to, before you make any decisions.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

What he's doing is 'admitting' to something less bad (just looking) in the hope that he'll look honest but also stop you prying any further. Gaslighted you into it being your fault he even looked, which is AWFUL.

What an absolute shit of a sleeze he is, looking at those sites.

The trust is gone, he's clearly not who you thought he was.

You deserve so much better.

@Piney15 are you ok op? Sending massive hugs and hope you are hanging in there. X

It’s definitely bad that he’s been searching for escorts in your area.

However websites like that are very spammy. They will show pages for absolutely any address in the country, even when in reality escorts will be in towns and cities. Even if you search for the most obscure and isolated place in the middle of nowhere, these sites will still bring up a page saying that they have escorts there. When obviously they don’t,

If he’s going into towns and cities, and his time isn’t accounted for, then it’s more likely that he’s actually gone through with it.

Oh OP. This thread makes me so sad :(
It doesn't suprise me at all that he's some how trying to point the finger at you, as if it's because you've been rejecting him.
So basically because you rejected him he went and rang a brothel instead of talking to you?!
Typical gas lighting.
Please always know that you're not responsible for his behaviour, he is.

Only you know you're limits and boundaries, but as a mother who was "dumped" via text message at 5 months pregnant with another toddler at home by her husband, I can absolutely garuntee you that you can do this on your own. And you will be a hell of a lot happier not questioning yourself and your worth and his actions.
I had nothing, no money or house. I lived with my parents for a bit. But when I look back at photos/memories I realise my life is worth so much more now than then!

I'm not saying you should leave him. But I think you need to think of your long term happiness. You'll never be able to erase what has happened. Can you live with it?

Sending you lots of love. Truley disgusting behaviour 😢

He minimising. You’ll never know 100% but if he’s so happy to admit to looking and didn’t even try the whole, ‘it just popped up’ or ‘I was looking because a friend said something’ bollocks then I bet he has more to hide. For me I couldn’t live with the thought that every time he goes out he could be shagging some trafficked and abused women/girl.

Even if he chickened out, he still rang a brothel intending to pay a woman for sex.

Good idea about being able to show you his phone record.

In front of him ask him to log into his phone providers account and show you his itemised billing.

I haven't looked at a phone log for years but guess they still exist. If he called off before they answered it probably won't show on the log- but hopefully there won't be an answered call to an unknown number around the time of the Google search.

He's lying. 100% lies.

He is going to wrap everything up now you have spoken to him. He’ll leave traces around in the future though, they can’t help it.

Don’t believe any of his bs about changing. This isn’t even porn, this is full out local escorts, he has moved beyond just being shitty to putting you and your baby at risk of serious illness. Get a check for stds and learn everything you can about npd. See if he fits. He obviously has no empathy at all.

I know it won’t feel like it right now, that any good can come from this. But this is a tower moment, this is the true man you’re meeting.

Find a way out. Keep evidence to use against him. You’ll try to talk but this type of male has no feeling, women are meat to him.

Make sure he pays for your time and for your children. Find more evidence before telling him. Even better, don’t say a word until you get everything you need together.

Let's say he hasn't actually acted upon the searches.

The fact he was looking online for some kind of titillation rather than getting it on with his wife is telling.

He is dissatisfied with the physical side of your relationship and has considered straying.

Someone posted about a website called UK Punting on one of these threads once, it's like a forum for men using escorts discussing things and reviewing the women. Take a look at that (if you can stomach it) and it'll probably give you some insight to how these men hide it from their partners.

If he has been using them (which is probable IMO) he'll have a secret phone stashed away somewhere that you don't go/clean/tidy etc. Can he show you the call records of when he phoned? If not, it's probably because he has a second phone.

That's right. The men are all totally innocent and Mumsnet is to blame.

He’s an untrustworthy liar.

STD tests and trip to the solicitor. So sorry. What’s your housing situation?

Despite his pleas for you to trust his silly mistake (!), how can you ever do that again now you know he’s made multiple recent searches for local prostitutes and called at least one of them. That quite clearly doesn’t make him remotely honest or loyal and it’s baffling that he thinks his words / apologies after the events will somehow counter his actions. There should never have been a single incident of him searching, let alone multiple occasions. I wouldn’t believe that he hung up because the moral test for him would be to think of sleeping with a prostitute behind your back and then immediately rule that out as something he’d never do. Instead, he not only researched but called. So, he’s taking it further than a second of mere thought. It shows you how he views sex and women, as well as his fidelity to you. I wouldn’t trust him and would never feel ok sleeping with him again.

I just want to say that independent full service sexworkers, are some of the healthiest people sexually, because regardless of them using condoms, it's their job to be safe and it's self care. This isn't to say it doesn't happen, but it's not like people think it is.

The exception to this is usually with incredibly vulnerable women and girls at the mercy of pimps because they've been trafficked, and that's another subject which is extremely upsetting/depressing.

Good luck OP.

Don't believe him. There is no way he called then hung up out of shame. Please ignore other posters and get an STI check it is vital for the health of your baby. Some stis can even result in the loss of pregnancy or blindness of the baby if left untreated. Yes it is upsetting that you are in this position but make no rash decisions put yourself and your children first. Give yourself plenty of TLC speak to other people who are supportive of you make them aware. This is his shame not yours ultimately that would break the trust for me especially if he has form. Look after yourself. You can get a sti test online delivered through your post box and send it back all very discreet. Sorry you fell in love with a pig it happens to all of us I fear.

Don't believe a word he says OP.