To think it’s OK to criticise parents for their children’s behaviour?

Children make their own choices to an extent. I have mixed feelings about this. Generally, no, I wouldn't blame a parent (though sometimes the parent hasn't taught things like consideration). I might judge how they handle it (or don't) though.

it is absolutely smug 'not my child' parenting.

If a child is annoying you or otherwise causing a nuisance, then it makes complete sense to alert the parents and ask them to do something about it, since they're the only ones who really can. I wouldn't see that as criticizing them.

How do you know that child doesn't have SN and that's the reason for the behaviour? Kids with SN don't have a label, it's often not obvious. If the child has SN or has been through trauma all you'll be doing is making things worse for their parent/s. Unless you're very close to the family you have NFI what the behaviour is a reflection of. I could judge you for being smugly judgemental on something you have no idea about, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt assume you mean well and suggest gently that you try to do better yourself.

I have 3 kids who are well behaved but they all had their moments. I remember all 3 having tantrums when they were younger.

Now they're older I get often get positive comments. Same parents, same kids, different life stages.

Yanbu

It’s not ‘smug’ to parent your children so that - generally - they behave well. Of course all children have their moments but we all know the arseholes who let their kids run riot in cafés, screaming and wailing unnecessarily, pulling up flowers and wrecking things in parks, hurting or pushing other children, not waiting turns etc.

Unfortunately those parents get defensive and don’t handle criticism well. You’re just as likely to get both barrels back which is why people stay silent and so many inconsiderate selfish and weak parents bring up a whole new generation of inconsiderate feral kids and the cycle continues…

No.

What @CoffeeAndATwix said.

Are you seriously thinking of wandering about your neighbourhood criticising strangers @MintZebra ?

Why would you feel the need to 'call out' parents who's children are misbehaving in public? Most children misbehave now and again, they are still learning to regulate feelings and behaviour. You have no idea what those parents are dealing with in their lives. Just get on with your own life and be glad it's not your child kicking off that particular day! I generally feel sympathy for the parents of kids who are screaming in the supermarket or whatever - most of us have been there at one time or another. Being judgemental rarely helps anything.

i wouldn’t judge another parent on their children’s behaviour without all of the full facts.

I think if the parent laughs or makes absolutely NO effort to stop their child behaving badly then it's absolutely fair game to judge them or blame them.

Depends on situation.

Relative has new very serious gf who has 9 year old daughter who is rude. Shea demanding (comes round and stamps feet for food without any please/ thank you, goes rooting through cupboard for sweets tin uninvited and then will Eat 3-4 bars of chocolate if you don't stop her, when bought anything just snatches it with saying thank you, if you're sat down on chair and get up she immediately Launches herself on it and you end up sat on floor. She's all very intrusive - first time visiting our house she just went upstairs without invitation and started poking around different rooms and her mum just ignored it (it was her first time here too) and we have issue where if she finds money or something she clearly likes laying around she picks it up and holds it whilst staring at you with hope you tell her to keep it (I don't). She's only been to our house about 5-6 times so isn't familiar with it and we don't live nearby. She's same at home and relatives house. No learning disability's or neurodiversity at all or any other background info that justifies it. Just seemingly spoilt and bad mannered. Throws a tantrum if mum says no to her so mum just lets her get on with it. My judgement is her mum sees her behave like this and says or does nothing. Not even a gentle reminder to say thank you if someone buys something for her. I judge that.

The child having tantrum in street/ misbehaving in public? No, I don't judge parent for that. Kids are kids and parenting is hard. Who knows what that kid / parent are going through.

What do you mean?

Calling any strange adult out in public for just about anything is rarely a good idea.

Think it in your head and move on with your day.

I think that sometimes kids behave badly no matter how you parent. I think that smug parents need to fuck off.

...and, if the child is misbehaving simply.because the parents haven't raised them well enough then what good will come of criticising the parents? Most parents try their best, but raising kids is haaaard! Some parents really struggle. They need help not criticism. Criticism doesn't help anyone.

I don't really understand what you mean!

Yes - parents are often responsible for their children's behaviour. They r responsible for helping them reach their potential and become as independent and as content and happy adults as they can become, given whatever complex or difficult biology or experiences may have/or will come their way...

But .. when we see a kid misbehaving in the street there could be sooooo many reasons! Maybe this kid has just been through some trauma and mum and dad are working hard to help him/her overcome it. Maybe this is a foster kid or adopted kid that's learning to get used to a new family and overcome their past. Maybe this child has additional needs like autism or genetic conditions or brain tumor. Maybe this kid has simply just had the worst day and is normally good as gold.... etc...

When do you want to call out the parents? In what way? What do you mean? ... No .. it's not ok to see a kid misbehave and just assume the parents are crap and go up to them and tell them so! or have a go.

It's ok to wonder to yourself about the parenting or think about what might be going on for the kid. If you see a parent abuse a kid, then yeah you should take action.

Not really sure what I r getting at OP!!??

Sadly (in my experience), most children who are frequently badly behaved lack boundaries at home or have a chaotic home life. In schools we pretend that's not the case but it is.