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Original poster

School harassing us over attendance...

307 replies

1993baby · 18/10/2024 21:26

A bit of backstory..
This school is obsessed with attendance.
Last year in reception my daughter was hospitalised and really poorly. The school were calling me every day asking when she would be back when they knew she was in the hospital! I remember sat by her hospital bed and getting called from the school.
Then when she was discharged, they were coming to our house every day to “check on her progress” basically harassing us in to sending her back to school.
She was only 4 - under compulsory school age.

This continued any time she was off with illness.

Now...

This year DD had chickenpox and was off school for 2 weeks, she was really poorly with it and ended up in A&E dehydrated from being sick constantly. It took 2 weeks for her all of the scabs to scab over. We followed NHS and GOV guidelines about staying off until the scabs had healed.

Then immediately after, she got tonsillitis.
She couldn’t even drink water and we ended up at the out of hours. He prescribed antibiotics and said she had a really bad case of tonsillitis.
He said to keep her off school to rest until she feels better. She has been off a week as she has been really poorly with it.
I’ve taken her back to the GP two times as she seemed to get worse.

I informed school about all of this.
However when she had chicken pox, they were calling me even on the second day of illness asking for an update on when she would be back?
the GOV advice says AT LEAST 5 days..
so how are they asking for an update on when she would be back when it’s only been 2 days, she’s in the infectious period and it was actually impossible for her to be in school according to the rules.
It was just ridiculous.

Then 2 people from the school came round to our house to give us an attendance warning letter!! She had chicken pox.

They then asked us to send her to school with chickenpox.

Today, the GP told us that school has contacted them about her absence. They have asked the GP for confirmation of illnesses and told them to encourage her back to school?!

Apparently the school have now flagged this up as a safeguarding issue because she has been off a couple of weeks.

We went to 2 doctors this week and both of them said the same thing about school attendance, so it must be permanently on her health record now?!

Are they allowed to do this? I thought they had to ask my permission to access her medical records?
She has been off with genuine illness and been to the GP more times than I can count on two hands in that time period ! It’s hardly a safeguarding issue?! I kept the school updated and informed.

The GP asked me “how is everything at home?” So the school has obviously flagged a safeguarding with them which is totally unfair and I feel disgusted by the insinuation they are making here.

I walked out of the GP’s room in tears I was that upset by it all...

What can I do?
Can I get this taken off her record? :(

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 19/10/2024 18:43

Ownyourchoices · 19/10/2024 03:31

The UK must have seriously bad attendance issues at school. Australian here and its nothing like this!

Probably because do many children are sent in poorly so that things spread and more children are off sick.

HarrietPierce · 19/10/2024 18:41

Oldermum84 · Yesterday 22:08
"You couldn't swallow your own saliva?! Wowee... What were you doing with it then 🤣🤣🤣"

Pathetic and ignorant response.

itsgettingweird · 19/10/2024 18:32

It'll be flagged as safeguarding because you haven't rang everyday. Although I do agree whilst your child is in hospital it's a horrid requirement.

But even if they refer to SS it won't go anywhere.

SW "school are concerned dd was off for x weeks in year R"

You "she was In hospital"

SW knows others saw the child.

sW "she was off 2 weeks with CP"

You "yes she was really poorly and ended up at hospital"

SW knows others saw the child

SW "she was odd another week with tonsillitis"

You "yes, she was really poorly and we saw GP 3 times"

SW knows others saw your child.

In an ideal world they also tell the school it's ridiculous to ask a parent to discharge a child from hospital just so they can attend school!

millymae · 19/10/2024 18:31

The primary school my children go to make contact quickly if they don't have a reason for a child not being in school but if an illness like chickenpox or tonsillitis is reported they don't harass you for a return date.
I'd be very unhappy about the level of contact the OP has experienced - it's as though school don't trust what they are being told.
I am sure there are some parents who are happy to keep their children off school at the drop of a hat but I'd hazard a guess these are in the minority and that the vast majority of us for varying reasons want them back in the classroom as soon as possible.
In the OP's shoes I don't think I could let this level of harassment go without questioning why they felt it to be necessary

Changeagain3 · 19/10/2024 18:31

Owly11 · 19/10/2024 18:08

The op wasn’t on life support and neither was their child. The op clearly doesn’t know or care what the school attendance policy is and that speaks volumes of the attitude she takes towards those who are looking after her child every day. And no I don’t work in a school but I do understand that if I don’t follow the correct procedures it creates a lot of extra work for folk and a lot of unnecessary stress all round.

Show quote history

A poster on here literally commented to say they were harassed by school while child was in life support.
The OP child wasn't but they were still significantly ill to be in hospital and school should of not been asking about when child would be back (asking how child is kindly is one thing but that's not what happened).
Do you have no empathy for how difficult it is for a parent when their child is very unwell in hospital.

Quite frankly getting back to school is the least of your worries when you main concern is if your child will get through the illness.

StaunchMomma · 19/10/2024 18:18

ThisHangryPinkBalonz · 18/10/2024 21:40

I would be fuming too! I would look at a different school, because there would be no way back for me.

Not all schools are like this.

This would be my course of action.

They are going way overboard here. Calling you every day while your child in in hospital is outrageous.

ridl14 · 19/10/2024 18:15

I'm a teacher and I'm appalled! I haven't heard of anything like this happening in the two (secondary!) schools I've worked in. Hope your DD is okay, poor little thing.

I have had to phone parents up about attendance as it was a tutor responsibility in my old school. Always hated doing it. There are some students who have genuinely worrying attendance eg school refusers or ones who just take lots of little days off and miss a lot of content that way, always struggle to catch up. I definitely think those are worse than someone taking a termtime holiday, let alone for genuine illness!

I can understand to an extent schools are under a huge amount of pressure from the government and Ofsted to improve attendance, especially after COVID, but this is completely unreasonable.

Owly11 · 19/10/2024 18:14

1993baby · 19/10/2024 15:28

@Owly11

😂

do you work at the school?

if you had read my posts properly, you would see that I DID inform the school she was in hospital.
I phoned and sent a message.
However DESPITE the school knowing she was in hospital, they kept calling asking when she would be returning to school.
That is not normal and quite frankly disgusting behaviour.

There is official government guidelines about reporting absences.
It states that parents let the schools know on the first day of absence, which I did.

The school are not interested in safeguarding, as most people here have said. They are only interested in attendance figures in this case.
That is why on their “safeguarding” visit, I was only given a letter warning about attendance.
This proves that is the case.

Is there something amusing about my post?

Owly11 · 19/10/2024 18:08

Changeagain3 · 19/10/2024 16:49

How do you answer if on life support?

Show quote history

The op wasn’t on life support and neither was their child. The op clearly doesn’t know or care what the school attendance policy is and that speaks volumes of the attitude she takes towards those who are looking after her child every day. And no I don’t work in a school but I do understand that if I don’t follow the correct procedures it creates a lot of extra work for folk and a lot of unnecessary stress all round.

KookyGreenHelper · 19/10/2024 17:55

I would be annoyed too op. I was off school a lot with tonsil itis. I was even in hospital for a week as i was just so poorly. I also had chicken pox when i was 11. My mum only had to ring the school once.

jasminocereusbritannicus · 19/10/2024 17:47

NowImNotDoingIt · 19/10/2024 17:32

They do if you work in a school. Every single day before 7am.

No they wouldn't. Been there , done that. Gave them a return date , and eventually a doctor's note when discharged. No one bothered me in that time, or expected me to check in daily.

We have to contact school every day if we are off sick. They also like you to phone in the afternoon to say if you’re going to be off the next day.

NowImNotDoingIt · 19/10/2024 17:32

They do if you work in a school. Every single day before 7am.

No they wouldn't. Been there , done that. Gave them a return date , and eventually a doctor's note when discharged. No one bothered me in that time, or expected me to check in daily.

YOYOK · 19/10/2024 17:28

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/10/2024 16:46

They do if you work in a school. Every single day before 7am.

Show quote history

The child doesn’t work.

Most work places wouldn’t expect someone who has been admitted to hospital to phone daily.

HarlieJae · 19/10/2024 17:13

Jowak1 · 19/10/2024 12:37

What strikes me about this thread is how very different all schools are in dealing with absence! Surely there is some government guidelines that all schools should follow? Excuse my ignorance if schools can decide themselves! Some seem not bothered and some seem over the top. A happy medium is needed.

Yes, there is. Written by the Department for Education, posted up thread.

This has been implemented in September 2024, with increased statutory duties on school and LA’s, including automatic attendance data returns.

HarlieJae · 19/10/2024 17:10

1993baby · 19/10/2024 10:28

@Changeagain3

Sorry to hear this happened to you too and hope your daughter is OK.

This is what happened to us too.

Their behaviour towards us during this time has also made me lose all trust in them too.

I don’t trust them anymore to take care of my daughter after seeing what kind of people they are.

Then you need to move schools.

A move will not change the focus any school has on attendance as this is DfE led, but as you have lost trust in how the professionals in this school care for your child, you need to find a school that you can maintain a working relationship with.

ToNiceWithSpice · 19/10/2024 17:07

TeenLifeMum · 19/10/2024 00:54

It’s awful but sadly not new. Years ago my friend’s daughter was in hospital and school were harassing her to get back in (primary age 7). She ended up saying, sure, if you can accommodate her needs I’ll send her in. The head teacher then asked what the needs were… a life support machine and round the clock nursing with access to a resus team! The head knew she was in icu, did she think she was there for fun?! It made me so cross that the parents had enough going on without school harassing her. She had to provide a doctors letter (fine, easy enough) AND photographic evidence she was on life support!

I'd have told the school to fuck off if I was the parent. They have no right asking for photographic evidence

Changeagain3 · 19/10/2024 16:49

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/10/2024 16:46

They do if you work in a school. Every single day before 7am.

Show quote history

How do you answer if on life support?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/10/2024 16:46

Changeagain3 · 19/10/2024 16:17

Work wouldn't expect daily updates if you were in hospital sick. They certainly wouldn't be phoning a sick member of staff everyday demanding updates

Show quote history

They do if you work in a school. Every single day before 7am.

Changeagain3 · 19/10/2024 16:17

Owly11 · 19/10/2024 14:53

Well you do it your way if you must but you are making a rod for your own back. And yes you should call the school from hospital to let them know you are there. Your attitude seems to be that you shouldn’t have to keep them informed, but that is not the case. Your child is legally obliged to be at school. You wouldn’t just not let work know where you are because you would be obliged to follow their sickness policy, as you are obliged to follow the school’s absence procedures. Your attitude is poor and non cooperative and that is part of the picture when looking at how the school are behaving. If you were an employer and someone just went off grid and felt they didn’t have to communicate with you, it might cause you to get increasingly frustrated and draconian. The solicitor will only be interested in getting their fees paid. The school are only interested in safeguarding and attendance and if you do everything by the book you won’t have all this extra stress.

Show quote history

Work wouldn't expect daily updates if you were in hospital sick. They certainly wouldn't be phoning a sick member of staff everyday demanding updates

sunflowersngunpowdr · 19/10/2024 16:07

gmgnts · 18/10/2024 22:21

Yet many thousands of children are home schooled without any checks because it's the parents' right to withdraw from the education system. That's the thing I find really shocking - but thousands of Mumsnetters will defend their right to do this without anyone looking out for their children. Doubtless some of them are receiving a good enough education, but many will not have social contacts and some will be receiving a pretty rubbish excuse for an education.

I've seen young adults who can hardly string a coherent sentence together after leaving school, let alone read or write. Some of these people are uni students!

sunflowersngunpowdr · 19/10/2024 15:28

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/10/2024 21:42

I’ve move her, the school sound fucking insane. You’ve been through such a stressful worrying time and it must feel like everyone’s making life even harder. I’m so so sorry.

This 👆🏽

Original poster
1993baby · 19/10/2024 15:28

@Owly11

😂

do you work at the school?

if you had read my posts properly, you would see that I DID inform the school she was in hospital.
I phoned and sent a message.
However DESPITE the school knowing she was in hospital, they kept calling asking when she would be returning to school.
That is not normal and quite frankly disgusting behaviour.

There is official government guidelines about reporting absences.
It states that parents let the schools know on the first day of absence, which I did.

The school are not interested in safeguarding, as most people here have said. They are only interested in attendance figures in this case.
That is why on their “safeguarding” visit, I was only given a letter warning about attendance.
This proves that is the case.

OP posts:
suburburban · 19/10/2024 14:56

Workplace is totally different, you get paid to be there.

When did it become so authoritarian with school

Owly11 · 19/10/2024 14:53

1993baby · 19/10/2024 10:09

@Owly11 the official government guidelines say “AT LEAST 5 days from the onset of the rash and UNTIL ALL blisters have crusted over”

so, according to the rules it was impossible for me to sent her back before 5 days...
Yet they were calling me on day 2 asking where she is and why she was not in school!
Came round to the house with an attendance letter....
when it was not even my decision to keep her off, it is the rules.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/infectious-diseases-schools-and-other-childcare-settings/how-long-should-you-keep-your-child-off-school-checklist-poster-text-version

Would you constantly call the school when your child was in hospital laying in a bed on a drip? Waiting for the results of serious tests?!
I let them know she was in hospital, message and phoned.
The next day they called me and my partner multiple times to ask where she was and when she was coming back.
I was talking to the doctor and my phone was going off multiple times from the school!

When she was discharged they were coming round every day to “encourage” her back, even when the doctor at the hospital said she was not better and needed to rest and home to recover fully before going back.

Why make a stressful time even more stressful for the parents?
The last thing parents need in times like this is stress from the school.

My child was admitted to hospital - the only thing on my mind was my child. As it should be. Not communicating with the school!

The solicitor has said this behaviour was definitely classed as harassment, he said we deserved a formal apology.
That is coming from a professional.

overprotective?
my child has been ill and the things I mentioned have unfortunately happened, not things I am trying to prevent.

Well you do it your way if you must but you are making a rod for your own back. And yes you should call the school from hospital to let them know you are there. Your attitude seems to be that you shouldn’t have to keep them informed, but that is not the case. Your child is legally obliged to be at school. You wouldn’t just not let work know where you are because you would be obliged to follow their sickness policy, as you are obliged to follow the school’s absence procedures. Your attitude is poor and non cooperative and that is part of the picture when looking at how the school are behaving. If you were an employer and someone just went off grid and felt they didn’t have to communicate with you, it might cause you to get increasingly frustrated and draconian. The solicitor will only be interested in getting their fees paid. The school are only interested in safeguarding and attendance and if you do everything by the book you won’t have all this extra stress.

MightSoundCrassButItsFactual · 19/10/2024 13:05

UprootedSunflower · 18/10/2024 22:57

People are mentioning some awful cases, but whilst sad they aren’t linked.
See chicken pox Monday? Seeing it again on Tuesday and Wednesday doesn’t change the picture.
In hospital? Well, they are safeguarded well whilst there, no need to call back. Just wish well.
This kind of heavy handedness is the reverse of safeguarding. So many children with chronic illnesses or needs end up off rolled because of their mental health or physical health at a time when they need support because their parents feel cornered and scared of fines.
I’ve seen many kids withdrawn from school as parents avoid fines or simply crack under the pressure. It’s half the bloody home Education community lately, kids who have needs, parents who want them in school, but get hounded so much they leave.

yes not only
the horrible kids and their parents who do nothing to raise good human beings leads to that community's existence also

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