To think I am a narcissist?

Your ex should have no bearing on your life, that's why they are an ex. They are never going to lavish praise on you, and tell you what a wonderful person you are.

Time to build your own inner resilience so that if anyone says anything critical or judgemental about you, you can let it wash over you and no take it to heart. if someone really means well and cares about you they would take a far more caring way to point out a home truth to you. An ex is not going to have your best interests at heart.

please don't waste your money and time getting a private assessment. That's bonkers! There are loads of things you can do towards general self-improvement without having to raid your life savings to find out if you're a narcissist just because your ex hurls that insult at you 🤣

Why are you still in contact with him. Maybe consider preventing him from communicating with you, that'll stop him in his tracks!

You're right, a narcissist might do that to manipulate people and get attention.
All we have to go on is OP's description of herself, and judging just based on that, she isn't a narcissist. We don't know if her self description is accurate though. I always start off with the assumption that an OP is being truthful because otherwise there's no point in answering an AIBU.

Don't engage with him. People throw around narcissist as an insult all the time and don't know what they hell they're talking about. Based on your description of yourself you are not a narcissist at all. It may be that he is projecting his flaws onto you.

Narcissists have low empathy and a grandiose, unrealistic sense of their importance and worth. They are profoundly, pathologically self-absorbed. There are other characteristics but those are the most definitive.
People use the word just to mean somebody they dislike or disapprove of these days. It's stupid, and stupid statements should not be given any credence.

So don't give him any more openings to put you down. Do you have kids with him? If so, make it clear to him that you will only discuss the children when necessary and will not enter into any conversation of a personal nature. Then stick to it, forever. Ignore any attempts he makes to engage you in conversations about you, him or your prior relationship.
If you don't have kids with him just cut off all contact with him. He sounds like a dick.

a narcissist will never admit they are the problem. they will gaslight blame shift diminish a person and act like they did not thing wrong. if you are questioning if you could be a narcissist openly i would say you defiantly are not

i’ve met precisely 2 people in my entire life that I am fairly sure were narcs. Neither has any self awareness or would have any self doubt about themselves at all. The fact that you are even thinking about it suggests you probably aren’t. Your ex is just being spiteful.

First, not all narcissists have zero insight.

Secondly, my DM used to go around wide-eyed asking people "am I the narcissist/abuser/mad one?" (her words not mine) to get constant reassurance that she was fine, and the amount of people who reassured her that she wouldn't be asking the question if there was anything wrong with her was quite sad really because they were being manipulated. She would often outline minimised one-sided situations that no one could possibly think made her mentally ill, to make people think she was well-meaning and a victim.

No one here can tell you if you're a narcissist OP. You could always pay for a private assessment with a qualified professional if you're concerned.

Sorry, just reread and I've made your thread about my experiences. End of, it's not nice and ex or current it's a lasting deeply hurtful thing.

You won’t be. It’s very rare despite everyone’s MIL being one on here

I've been called it a few times by DP, I've never stopped looking at it and it's horrid when you're knee deep in articles saying how basically I'm a piece of . I've watched crime documentaries and I spend half the time thinking I'm a serial killer and drawing parallels with them.

It's an awful thing to be called, and you'll never not think you are one once its been said.

Narcissist is a word that is now used as a weapon . Like previous posters have said, if you were a true narcissist this insult would be water off a ducks back .

Ask yourself why you are so invested in believing him when he says you are a bad person, when you can see he uses those behaviours himself.
Would you consider counselling, or CBT? It would be worth looking into the belief that he must be telling you the truth, and for your benefit.

Your ex wanted to hurt you and it worked

I honestly don't think you are. In fact, you're really not

If you've considered and tested it in any way - You are not

The person that is, would never even consider it, is far more likely to be. Especially if they accuse others

A true narcissist would never spend time worrying if they were a narcissist or not

Yea, your ex is throwing around words that he has no idea the meaning of.

A narcissist wpudl never ask or care if they’re a narcissist. The very fact your asking means you aren't once. It’s a test in itself.

A narcissist wouldn’t worry about whether they were a narcissist 🤷‍♀️

I do loose my cool I suppose but am I not just human?

What does that look like?

Calling someone a narcissist is just a snazzy new insult, it’s completely meaningless.

You obviously know the responses a post like yours will get - he’s a bastard, he’s the real narcissist, you sound lovely etc etc

No one on here knows either of you. He’s your ex, who cares what he thinks of you. It’s over between you for a reason. Perhaps his use of pointless insults, perhaps your hot and cold stuff and whatever “losing it” looks like which doesn’t sound great.

Look up FOG - Fear, Obligation, Guilt. You may be the child of a narcissist, and FOG is how you have been trained to react when people who are significant to you call you names or make demands.