To think it’s perfectly reasonable to divorce over sex?

Yes I was going to ask the same. Who cares what other couples are or are not doing with their sex lives. I’ve never given other people’s sex life, or lack of, a thought. I mean you sound irritated by it OP.

Maybe he should? It depends doesn't it? Breast feeding a 4 year old and co sleeping? Perfectly ok for your DH to go yeah nah this isn't working.

Ebf an 8 week old? Unreasonable.

And I say that with a ebf 2 week old

Same same :(

You think I’m weird for not really caring about sex, I think you’re weird for caring about it so much.

People are different! Yes of course if partners become incompatible for whatever reason they may be happiest separating.

Does he agree though?

I agree @scranonstrangler, I couldn't live in a sexless marriage even if I'm not overly sexual at the moment. I think your "being pregnant and bereavement didn't bother me" sort of thing isn't helpful. There are many nuances to being in a relationship, and I think yours is out of the norm.

Good for you, but it did put the poster you're responding to off. So what, should her husband leave her, because Tammy Jones from MN wasn't affected by breastfeeding?

What is going on, this is literally the third trending thread on this topic tonight.

In answer to your question: people have different priorities, isn't that obvious? I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who demands sex three times a week, but as MN shows, many people are in such a relationship. I also can't imagine being in a relationship with a man who expects me to do his laundry, it's just a completely outlandish idea to me. But I understand that these things aren't important to other people.

You’re right, and I agree. But I don’t get the impression that’s what the OP is talking about. She says sex specifically.
Sex is not the same and hugs and handholds and kisses. A marriage without those things is probably done.
A marriage without sex should not be, in my opinion.

Tbh, my husband has a similar attitude towards it. And it puts a lot of pressure on me. I know it's not deliberate, but I can't give him a date it'll change or a concrete reason. But every so often he gets fed up and questions whether we'll ever have sex again, is this what our life is now etc etc.

I want to want sex, and I used to want sex. I have spoken to the GP and have started HRT (which hasn't been the miracle cure he was hoping for).

I suppose he should cheat on me, would that be OK?

DH and i havent had any physical touch for a long time. 28 years. That is NOTHING like the temporary cessation of sex and/or intimacy after babies. No hugs when our beautiful cat was PTS eight years ago or when my dad died on 6 October. Contrast with OM who held me all day last Thursday while i sobbed.

The mistake you have made was assuming its all about putting a penis inside a vagina. Its so much more than that. Its about the intimacy that surrounds it and a strong emotional connection. Its not all about just a physical act.

2 years in for me, and same. I'm not the same person.

Breast feeding didn't put me off ..,,,

I think you’ll find that’s not everyone’s experience!

A bit that many people don’t have in their vows any longer. I didn’t.
Sex may be hugely important to you.
Its isn’t so much to many other people.
There is a myriad of reasons why sex and intimacy can become difficult or less wanted. People have differing libidos etc. For the first 6 months of our babies life I can honestly say that sex was absolutely the last thing I was interested in. In fact for several months it would have been physically impossible. Should my lovely DH have left me and our tiny baby?? Cos he wasn’t getting his end away.
If my DH broke up our family because he wasn’t getting as many orgasms as he thought he should I would lose all respect.

Bereavement is very recent and drive not back to where it was.

My loss has completely changed me in more ways than just this, I’m less patient now and feel very irritated easily. Hoping it’s not forever 😞

Was this inspired by this thread? https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5190336-to-think-its-crazy-that-we-hang-our-stability-on-sexual-attraction

I think I rather agree with that OP.

So much this. OP it's really none of your bloody business. What are you doing wondering about this kind of thing? It's not your concern. Nothing to do with you. I couldn't care less if other people are at it like rabbits or living as friends. I find it so very odd that anyone would care about this. What on earth is wrong with you?

I think I can appreciate lulls for example soon after I had my baby but sex was just always on my mind. I just didn’t have the capacity for it as often as I wanted.

I think you may have a higher sex drive than a lot of people. Immediately post baby, having sex constantly on one’s mind is fairly unusual. Nothing wrong with it, but it would explain why a sexless relationship is so unimaginable to you.

I enjoy sex very much, but I wouldn’t say it was the bedrock of my marriage.

It depends on whether you're ok with not having sex. But basically, you cannot get sex outside the marriage (in a monogamous relationship), and it's the only thing. You can have many needs from your spouse but ALL of them you can morally find elsewhere, except sex/romantic intimacy.

So if you need more than it's possible to have with your spouse and it's likely to stay that way (and to the breastfeeding mother, it's possibly hormones-related and will change) and you're not ok with that, then yes. Divorce is absolutely reasonable.

I was "involuntarily celibate" for 10 years, because after marriage my ex turned abusive and refused sex because I wasn't behaving properly or being nice enough to him - and I believed him. We then had monthly sex when I was ovulating (sex, no intimacy) until I got pregnant. No hugs, no intimacy at all during pregnancy. Then once baby was 6 months he had sex twice with me, I got pregnant and then it was game over entirely. It absolutely destroyed me. He was abusive in general but being turned down for sex (or even a non-sexual hug) repeatedly broke me eventually. I have no self-confidence at all.

I would say that if your sex and intimacy drives are mismatched, for whatever reason, and it's something you/your spouse can't or won't change and are you are not happy with it, GET OUT. Divorce is horrible (I did that too) but it doesn't destroy your sense of self-worth in anywhere near the same way. I've had lots of specialised trauma therapy but the pain is so deep and so pervasive, that it doesn't really go. I'd love nothing more than someone to want me, even just to hold my hand, but it's now a dangerous thing for me because as soon as someone knows you're attracted to them, you're SO vulnerable, they can destroy you. I'm lonely but I won't ever put myself in that position again. I barely survived this, I wouldn't survive someone else doing this to me again.

I mean, I think you should stop thinking so much about other people’s sex lives or lack thereof, OP. Why on earth do you care?

Why get married if you dont believe in the with my body i thee worship bit