I feel an urge to write a letter to my ex husband

As in you should have asked for more from him?

I BBC was in exactly the same position as OP 30 years ago. I saw a therapist. She told me I should have been more needy and it was all my fault.

Surprisingly, didn't help.

Write the letter, and then burn it. A letter is not going to make him into a decent man or do anything else that you would like it to do.

What a useless arsehole he is!
Seriously though, don't send a letter. Don't give him the satisfaction.

I imagine he'd paint you as bitter, desperate and not over him after 8 years. He might even share the letter and laugh about it.

Focus on your own life and your children. He's missing out by seeing the kids so little. Maybe he'll regret it one day once they're grown. You can feel proud that you did it all on your own.

I get it's not fair but I don't think you'll feel better by sending him a letter and it won't have the desired effect.

By all means write it but do not send it. Burn it. He doesn't care what happened to you. He only cares about himself

Write the letter. "Post it" into a drawer. The catharsis and forgiveness (of the situation not of him) is for you and your healing.

Don't post it to him IRL. He won't care and it won't achieve anything.

Write it, every last emotion out on the page.

Then burn it.

Then stomp on the ashes. Maybe even pee on them if you’re really furious.

Bottling all this up is bad but you cannot send it to him. He’s an arse, truly hopeless.

Plus make sure the CMS forms are kept up to date.

Definitely write it, it will help you get the feelings out. But don't send it, burn it. It will be cathartic. Don't give him the ammunition to hurt you further.

I think some of these comments are a bit mean. It's not been 8 years (or even 8 weeks) but I do get it. I just think these types of men will never ever be accountable for their actions. I'm already finding this painful and I can imagine feeling that pain in 8 years or more.
There will never be closure from him, and he'd just get off on any letter or conversation you have with him about it.
Best to stay silent and focus on you and your family x

Order a mini man voodoo doll and stick pins in it whenever necessary... Much more therapeutic...

Write the letter by all means. Write it, rewrite it & write it all over again. Purge all you want to say BUT don’t send it. Let it rest for a few days, then out into the garden with it and burn it. Watch the smoke rise symbolically into the sky. It’s supposed to help if you do that.

Meanwhile why not find a counsellor to help you vent your anger. Let it all out to someone in a private protected secure environment who can give you some help to navigate your understandable feelings & frustrations.

One day you will look back and feel proud of your achievements with the children. Just focus on that and keep life as simple as possible so that stress levels and tiredness are kept to a minimum.

See a therapist

You are wasting your time. He doesn't care and won't listen. He'll describe you as a crazy lady, stuck in the past and it will feed his selfish ego.

Write the letter if it helps you, but don't sent it. He may read it. She will do. God knows who else he will show it to and your kids may even see it. Don't do it.

Write it, then burn it

Not helpful. If he laughs at the mother of his children; that says all you need to know.

No, don't send it in case he comes back with a shitty reply about you being 'unfit' or 'unable to cope', or 'full of bitterness'.

Leave it.

8 years ago? No move on. My ex left 7 years ago and has never once had our children overnight so you're doing better than me. Honestly after 8 years you will look mad and they will laugh at the letter together

Unfortunately OP, the type of man who can swan off and leave you to raise his children is unlikely to get anything from reading your innermost thoughts and feelings - maybe just a reason to gloat, what you find things so challenging without him.
In time, you will see the fruits of you labour and I know that doesn’t help but it will and your ex will
be an old codger who has realised that his role as a father was really particularly shit. I think this will be even more apparent when your DC have families and they see how cruel it is to do this to a family.
In the meantime, deep breaths, hot baths and lots of love to you. Don’t give him the satisfaction, please.

I’d write it but I wouldn’t send it.
You will ultimately be the person who will look back and feel an enormous sense of accomplishment that you succeeded in raising your children.