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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that friends should always come before partners?

238 replies

HonestBrickSquid · 18/10/2024 15:20

I value my friendships immensely and feel that friends should always take priority over romantic relationships. Is this a reasonable stance, or is it unfair to expect others to put their friends first?

OP posts:
RaraRachael · 18/10/2024 15:41

I would prioritise OH over friends. I live with him and they have people they live with. However I'd prioritise my friends over most of my family as they've never done anything for me over the years.

All this "Blood is thicker than water" guff is just nonsense.

Original poster
HonestBrickSquid · 18/10/2024 15:41

TreeMelody · 18/10/2024 15:36

I think friends shouldn't drop you for a new romantic relationship. I think room should me made for everyone. Friends really are important and it's the people who drop their friends who often end up lonely in later life.

Show quote history

Thank you for understanding! It’s reassuring to know I’m not alone in feeling that way. Friendships really do matter, and it’s tough when they start to take a backseat.

OP posts:
SallyWD · 18/10/2024 15:40

Not sure I'd prioritise a friend over my husband- my life partner of 22 years, father of my children and the person I live with.
I do really value my friendships but I don't see why I should prioritise them over my marriage

Spinet · 18/10/2024 15:37

Spinet · 18/10/2024 15:35

I used to get really cross when friends met a man and disappeared for 3-6 months but then another friend once quite casually said "well we don't be seeing her again til June (or whatever)' when a mutual friend met someone and it made me realise that actually it's human nature to do it, perfectly birthday, and if you accept that your friendships and life go along a lot more easily.

I meant perfectly normal, not perfectly birthday! 😁

TreeMelody · 18/10/2024 15:36

HonestBrickSquid · 18/10/2024 15:27

True, there is room for everyone, but I sometimes feel like friendships can take a backseat when people get into relationships. I just wonder if it’s fair to expect that balance to shift, or if it’s inevitable.

Show quote history

I think friends shouldn't drop you for a new romantic relationship. I think room should me made for everyone. Friends really are important and it's the people who drop their friends who often end up lonely in later life.

Original poster
HonestBrickSquid · 18/10/2024 15:36

FiletMignon · 18/10/2024 15:32

How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?

I’m in my 50s and been with my husband since we were 17. In those years, friends have come and gone. Some because they moved away for work, some because they were in a different life stage to mine, and others because we just drifted apart naturally. My husband has been beside me through thick and thin, he has parented our children alongside me, and we share our innermost thoughts with each other.
He comes before friends every single time, as would I for him.

Having said that, every one of my friends is in a stable relationship where they’d choose each other over friendships. The difficult choices right now is between partners, and the needs of elderly parents and/or children

What you’ve shared really highlights the strength of your bond with your husband. I can see how long-term commitment like that would naturally come first. I’m in a different stage of life where friendships are my main support system, so it sometimes feels strange when people prioritise romantic relationships. I guess it all depends on where you are in life and the relationships you have. Your point about balancing relationships with elderly parents and children is also something I hadn’t considered yet.

OP posts:
FiletMignon · 18/10/2024 15:36

MathiasBroucek · 18/10/2024 15:34

The Spice Girls are for dancing to, not taking life advice from...

Love this post 🤣🤣

Spinet · 18/10/2024 15:35

I used to get really cross when friends met a man and disappeared for 3-6 months but then another friend once quite casually said "well we don't be seeing her again til June (or whatever)' when a mutual friend met someone and it made me realise that actually it's human nature to do it, perfectly birthday, and if you accept that your friendships and life go along a lot more easily.

Notamum12345577 · 18/10/2024 15:35

HonestBrickSquid · 18/10/2024 15:20

I value my friendships immensely and feel that friends should always take priority over romantic relationships. Is this a reasonable stance, or is it unfair to expect others to put their friends first?

If it is a husband (or wife) or pretty much that (but not legally) then they should come before any other person.

MathiasBroucek · 18/10/2024 15:34

The Spice Girls are for dancing to, not taking life advice from...

Bellsandthistle · 18/10/2024 15:34

Of course many women would prioritise their husband of many years and father of their children. He is probably also their best friend. That is not unreasonable and YABU to suggest it is.

Original poster
HonestBrickSquid · 18/10/2024 15:33

BobTheBobcatsBob · 18/10/2024 15:28

In what situation?

In situations where friends get pushed aside for the sake of a relationship, or when people start cancelling plans or forgetting about their friends once they’re in a romantic relationship. Does that count?

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 18/10/2024 15:33

When someone gets a new friend or a partner, something in the existing balance will shift.
It isn't a point of always prioritising one over the other, it is about balance.

FiletMignon · 18/10/2024 15:32

How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?

I’m in my 50s and been with my husband since we were 17. In those years, friends have come and gone. Some because they moved away for work, some because they were in a different life stage to mine, and others because we just drifted apart naturally. My husband has been beside me through thick and thin, he has parented our children alongside me, and we share our innermost thoughts with each other.
He comes before friends every single time, as would I for him.

Having said that, every one of my friends is in a stable relationship where they’d choose each other over friendships. The difficult choices right now is between partners, and the needs of elderly parents and/or children

Dozycuntlaters · 18/10/2024 15:30

HonestBrickSquid · 18/10/2024 15:27

True, there is room for everyone, but I sometimes feel like friendships can take a backseat when people get into relationships. I just wonder if it’s fair to expect that balance to shift, or if it’s inevitable.

Show quote history

Balance in any friendship is going to shift, things can never stay the same for years on end. Relationships, jobs, kids, hobbies etc etc - these are all going to tip the balance a bit, thats just life.

Original poster
HonestBrickSquid · 18/10/2024 15:28

Flugelb1nder · 18/10/2024 15:22

Tell me you are 13 years old, without telling me you are 13 years old

Tell me you prioritise your partner over your friends, without telling me you prioritise your partner over your friends.

OP posts:
WhereIsMyLight · 18/10/2024 15:28

Ditching my friend of 10 years for a New Romantic partner? YANBU.

Cancelling plans on my friend last minute because my husband’s parent had died? YABU.

It depends on the context but if you fee your friend isn’t there for you, then you don’t need to continue the friendship.

BobTheBobcatsBob · 18/10/2024 15:28

In what situation?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 18/10/2024 15:28

If it's a short-term partner and long-term friends, sure. I don't have any friends who are long-standing enough or close enough to take priority over the man I've been married to for 20 years though!

Japanese2024 · 18/10/2024 15:27

Husband/father of my kids comes first

Original poster
HonestBrickSquid · 18/10/2024 15:27

Katiesaidthat · 18/10/2024 15:21

Why? there is room for everyone.

True, there is room for everyone, but I sometimes feel like friendships can take a backseat when people get into relationships. I just wonder if it’s fair to expect that balance to shift, or if it’s inevitable.

OP posts:
Dozycuntlaters · 18/10/2024 15:26

Well it completely depends.

Friends or a fella you've known a week - friends obv

Friends or your partner of many years - partner

Of course, really you should never be in a position you need to chose as you should be able to have both so I guess the issue is if anyone is making you feel you need to chose - then that is the issue.

Spinet · 18/10/2024 15:26

Depends what you mean by priority. And partner. I've been married for nearly 20 years - if H and my bf both needed a hospital visit/ kidney I'm afraid it would choose H. If bf needed a hospital visit and H was feeling lonely and needed a cuddle, bf, but he wouldn't argue with that.

forgotmypassagain · 18/10/2024 15:26

CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets · 18/10/2024 15:22

Depends how serious you are with your "partner"

Sorry to derail the thread but your username 😂😂 an ode to my early 20s.

can he get out,
will he get out,
course he will.

musicforthesoul · 18/10/2024 15:25

Looking at it the other way, would you want to be in a romantic relationship with someone who never prioritised you? I wouldn't.

Can't think when this would come up on a regular basis outside of the teenage years though.