To think that friends should always come before partners?

There's room for everyone but yes friends come first. They were there first and they'll be there if the partner leaves.

It's an interesting question, because both partners and friends can be fickle and come and go. Most people in committed relationships would prioritise their partner, but we've all heard the horror stories of partners randomly walking out one day. It happens.

My ideal would be a stable, committed relationship with someone I could trust, and they would come first, but also to keep up with friendships often and make room for quality time with them. Your partner coming first doesn't mean that your friendships are unimportant. They can be almost as important as your partner, as they are to me.

I dunno, I've learned that people can really surprise you, so I prefer not to put all my eggs in one basket.

I'm thinking about it...

This is not a straightforward choice OP. You are clearly coming at his as someone not in a very long term relationship (nothing wrong with that btw).

A boyfriend of 3 months vs friends? Friends obviously.

My partner of 13 years vs friends? Him every time.

The only humans above him on my scale of importance are our children.

When you're very young and you're dating a lot, it's normal to prioritise your friends over someone you're just starting to know. However, once you are in a long-term relationship or married, friends inevitably move down on the priority list. This doesn't mean you should abandon or ignore your friends altogether, of course. But unless you all live in a commune where you share everything with friends, including home, bills, illnesses etc, a live-in life partner is more important and makes more of a contribution to your day to day life.

It's normal and it works both ways. There is nothing more annoying and pathetic than a grown man of 40 who has wife and kids at home but still thinks his drinking mates are the most important thing in the world.

I’m not sure whether you think that would be a good thing or a bad thing 😂😂😂

So you accept that the mature person prioritises their partner? Not sure why you asked the question, on that basis.

I mean, if you're dating a 17 year old Sirius Black...

When someone gets a new romantic partner, they usually take priority for a few months. Once the novelty wears off, they re-invest in their friendships again.

I think it’s just part of life and a lesson to learn, that many learn the hard way, not to get too caught up in a new romance and drop your friends. But, like most things, it’s easier said than done (especially when you’re young!).

You will probably make the same mistake OP when the time comes. I always found that the “I would never ditch my friends for a man” girls were the first to disappear the second a man looked at them.

Once you’re out of that first relationships stage, when people marry etc or are in a committed relationship, their partner becomes their family and will often ultimately be number one.

Ditching all your friends for a guy with a motorbike when you’re 17? Not very wise. Prioritising your long-term partner and life together over a friend? That’s just life!

I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule of who should “always” be prioritised. A friend’s big birthday would come before a random date night with my partner for me, but similarly, if I had plans in advance with my partner to do something, I wouldn’t be free for a last minute girls night.

I think everyone finds the balance that’s right for them, and I don’t think you can begrudge anyone their choice on that front OP. It sounds like you are single and therefore prioritise friendships. This is likely largely based on your current circumstances. When you’re more to juggle, somethings gotta give.

Also, sometimes friends have a different view of the friendship, and it maybe just isn’t as important to them.

Once you’re married and especially if you have children things are very different, your friends aren’t going to share your life in the same way, they're not going to be there sharing the load with you when you, your kids or parents are sick.

How old are you @HonestBrickSquid ?

You are coming across as young. Early -mid 20s or maybe emotionally immature / naive.

In the throes of early relationship ecstasy - I have had the occasional cancelling of plans with a friend as she has met a 'gorgeous guy' - no worries, we caught up again soon after to gossip about the date - no big deal.
If this friend kept cancelling on me repeatedly, I can see how this would be annoying - this has never happened to me.

If you find this irritating - just wait until your friends have babies. Cancellations are much more frequent and can be last minute all because a baby is simply sleeping or just vommed or has a temperature or ............................
Build some resilience for the spawning years.

Yes! The one with sea-ropes of hair who rested her head in Anne's lap and called her Queen.

I think something shifts when people start getting serious, married, kids etc.

I think many of the early problems I had with motherhood - 2 years after marriage were DH long term friends and family suddenly almost competing and getting demanding for time and attention. They were a bit off after our marriage but first pg was a huge change - lot of fatherhood shouldn't affect DH insisting it should all be on me and often I and baby didn't matter or would be fine- thankfully DH wasn't daft but did cause some tensions.

We then had another moved and new baby- and everyone was full of demands fuck all support we had each other - found that again few years later - so yes its now us together against the world and priority though most times there's compromised to be found. .

Prior to that - I was happy enough to be considered not always prioritized - and personally would be annoyed to be dropped for new romantic interest every time new one came along - but understanding there may be less time together.

How do you make a lasting and meaningful partnership with someone who's your booty call when your pals are busy? Building a partnership takes time. And new romance deserves a honeymoon period!

Unless the friends are friends with benefits or blurred boundaries in which case the group is weirdly enmeshed and any prospective partner should run away fast.

@LastNight1Dreamt1WentToManderleyAgain, was Leslie Moore the gorgeous blonde with the unfortunate husband situation?

I think you worded your question wrong and that is why your getting this response. If you meant to say my best mate of 15 years has got a new fella and now has no time for me. Yanbu. However the way you asked it your not taking into account their are people who have been with their partners for decades and have children with them which in this case yabu

I think family should come first.

Sometimes, friends are family. A romantic partner? It depends.

And then if you have friends who are family and a partner who is family and blood relatives who are also family...

How do you pick between family? It's an impossible choice.

My best friend was my best friend for 48 years. I would not have expected her to prioritise me over her husband.

No, my friends generally would not take priority over my partner of 34 years and the father of my dc. My friends are important to me and I would be there if they needed me, but if a choice has to be made they come nowhere close.

Also, because they are my friends they know their place also understand that he and my dc are my family, the same way I understand it is the same for them. It might mean at times we don't get a face to face catch up for a while, but we are ok with that.

Obviously when not in a fully established relationship it is not as black and white.

It sounds OP, like you need your friends and expect more from them than they are able to give at whatever stage of their life they are at. I think this might be a you problem rather than a them problem.

Look at how the knights of the Round Table ended up.

I've never had to choose, not sure when or why you would unless one party was causing problems?

My partner has been in my life for 13 years and we don't have close families so we are each other's top priority. We spend so much time together and we consider each other in major decisions we make about our own lives.

I love my friends to bits, I'm probably as open with some of them as I am with my partner and I make a lot of time for them - I'd cancel plans with my partner if a friend needed me there urgently. But we've each made decisions like moving far away or taking jobs with conflicting work schedules because we each put what's best for ourselves, and if applicable our partners/kids, above what's best for our friendships. Now my ideal would be for all my friends to live near me and pop in and out of each others houses, for our whole lives, raising our kids together, but sadly it doesn't often work like that in our culture.

This is the big problem with Maid Marian IMHO.

I wouldn't put anyone at all above a member of my immediate family. My immediate family are my DH and my two children. It really is that simple in my mind. Friendships matter to me, but my immediate family are first every single time, no questions.

Ok, Anne and Diana or Anne and Gilbert? Right answer: Anne and Leslie Moore ONLY.

It's a difficult one but friendships do change when a friend gets into a relationship

It's tough on the one that feels left behind