to think blocking/ghosting someone who's done nothing 'wrong' is cowardly/childish?

Depends on the circumstances I think

I've had a group of 3 "friends" randomly remove me on social media before, one was a close friend of 11 years and I was devastated and didn't understand why. It was very painful.

I think if one of them had tried to talk to me the outcome would have been different tbh but they didn't value our relationship in the same way I did. Unpleasant but true.

I do think it’s a bit different now than when I was growing up. It used to be you could only write/email to a desktop or call the landline which you wouldn’t really do after 9/10pm unless it was urgent and you could ignore and simply look like you were out, or say you were planning to watch something on tv that’s starting soon.

Now everyone’s in your pocket all the time and there’s fewer things you can politely put anyone off for. TV can be paused and with WhatsApp etc it’s way easier for acquaintances to send requests to meet up that in person would be easier to brush off. If you need to put hard boundaries in to protect your own bandwidth I can see why.

I had a friendship with someone that just was getting less and less satisfying, I didn't like her values or her approach to others. She didn't seem that interested in me, but frequently wanted to talk over problems or ask advice. I just thought, am I going to keep meeting for coffees out of duty forever? So I stopped initiating them, went to a few more, but turned some down too, responded less. The last message was a cordial 'I've got a lot on' kind of message. Yes I contemplated more direct feedback, but does she need to know I don't like her values? Is that better for her self esteem? I could have said I'm not great at friendship, which is true, but not the reason. Yes it's going to be awkward when we inevitably bump into each other, but I will say hi and talk if she wants to.
I have had two people fade me out too, quite suddenly - no hard feelings on my part, maybe I was sharing views they didn't agree with, or talking too much, or someone told them something about me, or I wasn't making enough effort, or we didn't have enough in common any more. I think well of them both, it's life.

I wouldn't be hanging around for an hour while someone cried and tried to justify their offensive comments.

This thread has really got me thinking. I blocked an old friend this week (which I’ve never done before) and have been feeling really guilty about it and wondering whether it was childish and avoidant of me. However, this person had been really horrible to me, and I just didn’t want to listen to any more of his nasty comments (second time in a month or so that he’s laid into me).

I did give him an explanation first and told him my reasons and said I didn’t think it was good for us to be in contact anymore. Looking back tho, I think he misinterpreted something I said, and maybe I over-reacted. It won’t have been nice for him to have been blocked. It’s been good reading this thread and different opinions.

Edited to say I now wish I’d had a grown up conversation with him!

That said I have ghosted a friend. She probably has no idea why, but it's because as we've got older our moral compass seems to have diverged completely. I've become more wishy washy liberal, or maybe less tolerant of nasty extreme views, and she can spend ages ranting about immigrants and benefit cheats. I have told her I don't want to talk about those things but she didn't stop, so I've distanced myself.

I've never felt the need to block anyone either and probably wouldn't notice if I'd been blocked but I can see a situation where someone does it to preserve their own sanity.

E.g. a man who's not exactly done anything wrong but is keeping you on tenterhooks waiting for messages with no real intent. Better to remove the temptation to message him and the possibility that he might text you iyswim rather than be constantly checking your phone.

I’m not shy of confrontation. I spoke to the friend I ghosted multiple times about what was bothering me. They would apologise and then revert straight back so in the end I didn’t think there was any need to try and speak about it any further.

I have ghosted my friend of 20 years. I haven’t blocked them though.

It’s not what I wanted but I was disappointed so many times by them that when it happened the last time I decided enough was enough. I won’t settle for people treating me like I am disposable unless it suits them.
It’s been about a month now and they haven’t reached out anyway.

I think every approach can backfire unfortunately.

Years ago now I had a friendship go to hell because I was honest with my friend about her child’s bad behaviour in my home. I was polite but factual. All blew up terribly.

More recently I started to see the same pattern again. I thought I’d politely distance myself, refuse meetups etc and just build some distance. I’m still being pursued for meetups a year on!

I've had a couple of those conversations.

They can get very uncomfortable and borderline dangerous.

I stopped talking to one "friend" after she said that it was perfectly ok to talk about how disabled people were a drag in society and useless. (I'm disabled).

I said to her I found that upsetting and she burst into tears, spent nearly an hour trying to persuade me that she was right and that it wasn't something I should be upset about.

Never again.

Now when someone is nasty about disabled people I just don't speak to them again.

This is such a good point.

5yrs ago I was ghosted by a woman who had been one of closest friends. I was (& remain) baffled by it. Totally and utterly baffled.

I wonder if anyone who hasn’t been through it can possibly understand the absolute devastation that ‘just block and ignore’ can cause when the other person has no idea what they have done. Genuinely no clue at all. And to say ‘people don’t owe you an explanation’ - you know what, sometimes it’s just common decency to afford someone that level of dignity.

Imagine the sheer misery of reaching out to someone and not realising that you are blocked or are being ignored for a reason you know nothing about.

Why not just message to say it's not working out for you and you've decided to cut contact but wish them well - and then block. How do you decide who you 'owe' something to and who you don't? It's a very bizarre concept to me.

If you just ghost someone they're going to be wondering what's going on and more likely to try and contact you another way to find out. Why not just end it and then block? It's not about 'owing' anyone anything.

Ghosting's in the same ballpark, though? I may have misinterpreted your post, but the intention of my OP wasn't to present ghosting as an alternative to blocking, my view is that they're both overkill/inappropriate in some scenarios
My post was in support of yours. It was to show that ultimately, it's the easiest way to get rid of an uncomfortable situation, even if it's clear from posts from those who've been on the other side that it's not nice when you're the receiver.

Blocking after a couple of dates because (to make up a random example) someone blows their nose too loudly? Not so much. Same goes for blocking a lifelong friend because of a minor disagreement

I agree with the latter but not the former. I see no reason not to block a date because the relationship, for whatever reason, has no future. Ideally after sending a 'fare thee well' message. I think ghosting without warning is both cowardly and rude, unless the person was obnoxious in some way.

I agree with whoever said that dating etiquette seems to have started to influence how people handle friendships. Blocking a friend without warning, especially someone who has been in one's life for a considerable time, is very hurtful - particularly if the person being dropped has no idea why. At least offer an honest but civil explanation.

That's the key really - only ghost after a final message, unless you are dealing with an Rshole.

I'd be telling someone with those views why I didn't want to continue a friendship with them.

Surely you should ghost/block her for those views?

There are a good few posters who seem to think it's acceptable to ghost people who you might have been friends with for years. They're often people who "don't like confrontation" and seem to be incapable of honest communication.

I agree that blocking a friend with no prior discussion is immature. Dating wise, it depends on how long you have been dating. Blocking someone without a discussion after six months is obviously wrong.

I say the above if there's no abusive behaviour whatsoever.

I haven't noticed a trend for advising people to block friends or boyfriend without a discussion.

@bringincrazyback in terms of friendships, I absolutely agree with you. It feels as if it crept through from internet dating culture and somehow became an acceptable way to treat friends.

I really don't understand how it has turned out like this. Maybe the damage of online culture generally.

edit - last year someone said to me that internet dating culture was going to damage society and I'd feel the result even though I don't do it. I was baffled! Now I understand why they thought that.