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AIBU?

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AIBU to ask a friend not to cook if she's coming over?

214 replies

verityeer · 18/10/2024 12:37

"Bella" and I are good friends and meet up fairly regularly to play squash, grab a lunch, or even just have a glass of wine and a gab.

The last couple of times I've suggested we meet up, Bella has offered to come over to mine and cook. It's a lovely offer on paper, but we've done it twice now, and to be perfectly honest, I find it a bit more tedious than relaxing. Bella is a messy cook and whilst she always offers to tidy up, she isn't quite as thorough as me. She misses spots of sauce on the splashback, crumbs in the crevices, sink is soaked after doing the dishes. Wee things that would be fussy to hover over her for after she's just cooked us a meal, but I still have to do the next day in addition to the leftover dishes from actually eating the meal and the snacks afterwards. She takes a lot of pride in her cooking, and can get a wee bit antsy if she feels you haven't suitably praised her delicious meal. I appreciate her effort, but do prefer my own cooking. Her cooking leaves a lingering aroma, but she doesn't like to open the windows or use the extractor fan. We go the shops beforehand and split the cost, but I end up with all sorts of tubs of half-used things the next day, and it ends up costing the same as a meal out in the first place.

DH is away this weekend, and Bella has offered to come around and cook on Saturday night again. I've told her I'd love to see her, but would prefer to just get a takeaway and relax this weekend. She pushed back a few times, so I ended up being more direct and saying that while I love her company, I've just spent all week shopping, cooking, and cleaning and don't want to spend my whole weekend doing the same. Now Bella is miffed and feels I've snubbed her.

Am I being a miserly guts who should just enjoy the favour in the way it's intended? Or would you have put your foot down as well?

OP posts:
Skyrainlight · 18/10/2024 12:59

Tell her you are quite anal about your kitchen so it makes you uncomfortable. Sounds like the reality to me so you may as well be honest.

Detchi · 18/10/2024 12:54

Suggest she just comes over for drinks after dinner instead. There could be a reason she doesn't want a takeaway.

verityeer · 18/10/2024 12:53

CeffylCoch · 18/10/2024 12:42

Is there a reason she comes to yours and not the other way around? let her make a mess in her own kitchen

Oops, sorry, meant to quote you in the above reply!

OP posts:
verityeer · 18/10/2024 12:52

She tends to prefer to come to mine. Bella's a lodger in an upstairs maisonette with a live-in landlord downstairs, whereas I'm in a house with DH. I think she likes having a bit of space to cook these big meals, but whilst I sympathise I don't really have it in me this weekend! 😅

OP posts:
yeaitsmeagain · 18/10/2024 12:52

I wouldn't mind the mess but there's no way someone is cooking in my kitchen without the extractor fan. Causes too much damage.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 18/10/2024 12:45

I would feel odd about having someone cook in my kitchen, I agree, if she wants to cook she needs to invite you to her place.

Jobsharenightmare · 18/10/2024 12:45

I think it's a nice gesture and not unusual in my culture. However it's fine to decline, say how about a takeaway or I'll come to you if you fancy cooking instead?

YABU to use the phrase "grab a lunch" though

CeffylCoch · 18/10/2024 12:42

Is there a reason she comes to yours and not the other way around? let her make a mess in her own kitchen

Differentstarts · 18/10/2024 12:42

Yanbu if she wants to invite you to hers and cook a meal that's fine but not in my house

Pixilicious1 · 18/10/2024 12:42

stick to your guns. Why does what she want to do have to take priority over what you want to do? That’s not balanced and fair is it.

ThinWomansBrain · 18/10/2024 12:41

if she's that keen to cook, why doesn't she invite you to hers and cook messily in her own home?

Or cook something & bring it with her?

hopeishere · 18/10/2024 12:40

Coming and cooking in someone's house is weird. Do you go to her house?

StillAtTheRestaurant · 18/10/2024 12:40

YANBU at all. If she wants to cook, she can host you in her house. I assume there's a reason she doesn't do that though. But yes, stick to your guns, it's a takeaway or nothing!

CameronStrike · 18/10/2024 12:39

It's quite rude to impose your cooking in someone else's house. It implies you don't enjoy their cooking, which might be true, but if so the tactful thing is to suggest a takeaway. YANBU at all. She's being silly and you should just ignore her.

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