AIBU to ask a friend not to cook if she's coming over?

I loath having anyone messing about in my kitchen. YANBU at all.

OP, you sound like a very pleasant person , who keeps a tidy and clean house which is nice to be in!

Sometimes you just have to defend your space though, and if people try to push back, push back harder….

I would never dream of cooking in someone else's house. That's just so odd. And I would hate anyone to do it in mine.

YANBU

SIL & kids came to visit when baby was 3 weeks old for Sunday lunch which we were happy to do. SHe offered to bring lunch to save us effort. Great I thought. Except they turned up late stuff to make a meal rather than food ready to go in oven or such like. They made loads of mess I ended up eating leftovers as I was starving and the meal eventually served was very mediocre. This was certainly no favour. I don’t think id ever accept an offer to cook in my kitchen again! I’m sure she thinks she’s being nice but she’s pleasing herself really. If she’s going to take the jump over this she’s being a dick. I’d revert back to suggestion of glass of wine out.

Does Bella not have any kitchen in her maisonette? How on earth can she manage!

I’ve just saw your update about her living arrangements - it’s unfortunate then but it doesn’t give her a free pass to cook in your kitchen.
I absolutely hate someone’s else cooking or washing in my kitchen (except DH and DD) and it won’t be relaxing evening for me at all.
In a way it’s a bit rude on her side. You want to see her but she want to rent your kitchen for practicing, I know it’s not like this but why chat only invite is not good enough for her?

So do I but I have a hopefully future DIL who stays over and I've had to unclench 😂

In this situation I would just keep saying you've had a hard week and need to relax.

I didn’t know I am married to a bigamist😂

Your home, your decision. She is overreacting and a bit overbearing by the sounds of it.

It's nice of her to offer but not so nice that she's being a bit insistent and put out about the no thank you. It's your house so she has no business feeling offended.
Fwiw I wouldn't like having someone else cook in my kitchen either. I'm not fussy or worried about mess...I just couldn't be bothered with the premise of it.

Oh god no !! My DH and I take it in turns to cook while the other cleans up after them . I wash up as I go along whereas my DH uses every pan in the kitchen and makes a huge mess ( he’s a great cook tho!) sometimes I offer to cook just so I don’t have to clear up the aftermath
I’d find this a huge intrusion and wouldn’t let it become “ a thing “!

this^
it’s much more sensible and grown up approach.

I've definitely seen this post before e

Bella needs to read the room. I’d have actually said you have to have the extractor fan on if you’re using the stove.

Hell no.

Dated a guy for a while some time ago. He was a professional chef and a foodie. We were just completely incompatible, in the hindsight.

He didn't do anything wrong, but he did like to cook for me at his own house or mine. That wasn't such a problem, but he cooked elaborate complicated meals, it took so much time and then the cleanup (we shared that). Also, he liked to talk about food, ingredients, what goes with what, where to source this and that, yadda yadda.

I view food as fuel and don't give a shiny shit what I eat. I want to keep trim and healthy, so basically eat some simple protein+veg combos all the time. Taste isn't relevant to me, most important is the speed, the less time spent preparing and eating meals - the better. Then we/me would have time to do some actually interesting/fun things. So I found his obsession with food absolutely tedious and it didn't last.

So no, I certainly wouldn't agree on my friend cooking in my kitchen, a waste of time that could be spend on doing something else. And then waste even more time on cleanup.

I have cooked a lot for or with friends including families and couples but it's usually arisen naturally as part of a day or evening out rather than being a special occasion, e.g. one person cooking, another sorting children, another going to drive or being in charge of the walk route, etc.

Insisting on cooking at your house on several occasions is a bit outside the normal bounds of polite behaviour. The fact she’s been so easily offended adds to the CF vibe. Seems she wants to live like someone who’s not a lodger so using you as the place to do that.
If she doesn’t want to be a lodger, she needs to save up.

Would she feel betrayed and lose her temper if you had a few evenings in with her cooking and she felt it was now part of 'regular' life, whereas for you it's optional? I've had situations like this with friends who wanted to set up an expectation or rhythm I simply couldn't meet (with anyone but a partner).

I do it at my aunt’s house when we go to stay because she genuinely doesn’t want to cook every day for me and two children (plus another family member who lives with her).

Plus my son is quite fussy due to ADHD and dd and I are vegetarian, so it just works 😂

I have a friend who used to insist on this. She is the loveliest person to the point of lack of self awareness that her gifts/nice things can ultimately make the receiver feel awkward and put upon. I had this forced on me a few times and after being hangry (she is slow at cooking!) and dealing with mess including messy ovens, this is the one plus point that all our circumstances have changed and we now keep in touch almost entirely on the phone!

Hey I am on a new diet pre Christmas detox so drinks only from now dear friend.

I’m sure that in her head it’s a nice suggestion but it doesn’t work for you, understandably.

As others have said, if cooking is a hobby that she wants to pursue but can’t at home, that doesn’t make it your responsibility to facilitate that, with all the cleaning up and cost that it necessarily entails.

”I just want to relax” should be a good enough reason for anyone - where she became rude, I think, was in pushing back when you said it didn’t suit you.