AIBU to ask a friend not to cook if she's coming over?

Her behaviour is self-indulgent disguised as kindness. People like this drive me nuts. She has no regard of what you might like, it’s all about what she wants….she sounds a pain in the arse.

Never have I offered to cook for someone in their house (unless I am staying there)

I get why she wants to do it but it's reasonable you don't want to.

I think you need to be honest it's not for you

Bella is probably a relative of mine. My whole family and I include myself, is cooking obsessed.

Her wants and needs do NOT override yours, OP!

I would hate to do that, I know my way round my own kitchen almost blindfold, know which hob(s) I like best on the cooker, know how long it takes to heat up, know which knife is the sharpest, which spoon is best for stirring, where all the pans and dishes are. Someone else's kitchen would really slow me down and make me a bit anxious.

A hard no from me. I think I'd be telling her my oven was on the blink - and the hob.

The point for me is that when someone comes over I want to spend time with them not do a joint shopping and cooking activity. If I want to watch someone cooking, I'll put on the food channel.

If I have people coming over I often cook as we don't have any decent takeaways nearby. However, I'll alway do something that can be prepped ahead and sorted with minimal work on the day. Then you can relax and enjoy the company.

My concern about the cookery course is she'd be keener than ever because she'll want to show what she's learnt!

Why don't you cook together? Do you sit down and watch her cook? Or you could be washing up tidying up behind her as she cooks, so it's pretty much finished when she's finished.

I understand why she might be frustrated where she lives that she can't 'cook up a storm'. If she's a good friend I would put up with it, if the food is actually nice!

What about if she cooked the dishes at home and brought them over just to reheat?

God I have a newborn and a friend offered to come cook for me. I was like erm....no thanks! Why would anyone enjoy that? If you want to be helpful, mess up your own house and bring a dish???

I can't believe she fried fish, that's so smelly.

She's just enjoying your big kitchen and cooking for someone if she's single.

I know exactly what you mean. I don't want even to cook in my own kitchen after the fortnightly, very thorough cleaner has worked his magic.

I'd find that weird tbh!
She's imposing on you and it's costing you in electric/ gas too, let alone your time and energy clearing up!
Why can't she cook at her place?
Better idea to go halves on a takeaway
You may not want to upset her by speaking up, but she's not worried about upsetting you is she?
Decline Decline Decline

I posted a few years ago about this. I had a friend stay who tried to cook dinner for us, I said no thanks, had to really insist, I had a toddler who really wanted what I was cooking, the way I cook. I find it really arrogant tbh, I wouldn’t dream of being so pushy. Stand your ground

I have another friend who comes to your house and offers to make you a cup of tea, then leaves used, leaking tea bags, general spillage on worktop. Again a firm, no thanks, I will make it.

Hmm, my guess is that Bella is understandably missing being able to cook a proper meal at home and is using your kitchen instead. Which might be OK if you enjoy what she makes and she cleans up properly, but not otherwise.
You could offer to cook for her this time or you could say that you were thinking of just drinks rather than a big meal this time.
After a few of these drinks have been downed and the atmosphere is convivial, you could add that much as you love her, you don't really like other people using your kitchen, so in future you'd rather either cook for her or go out. And has she thought of moving house so that she has access to a proper kitchen? This might be the root of the problem.

What do you mean "the sink is soaked"?

You are perfectly reasonable.
She clearly loves cooking in a nice big kitchen and not having to do a thorough clean afterwards is another bonus for her. But you do not have to facilitate this hobby and it is OK to say no.

I love the update that she fried fish in your kitchen !!!!

what a piss taker - even if she is so ‘nice’, that is border line sociopathic.

no one sane would think that was ok.

Oh hell no - you're not a resource for her! She can't come and 'play house' at yours... what if her bed's too small, will she be round for a night's kip?!

My kitchen is my domain, like it is for a lot of people, and I wouldn't like the boundary-crossing of another person cooking in it... I used to get the squealing jeeblies when my MIL used to come and 'help' by putting things away (wrongly) and cleaning and prepping her way... 😬

(This reminds me of when you were a kid and your cousins would come round and want to play with all your toys, and they weren't careful with them... 😮).

I couldn't cope with this 😭

I'll admit I'm very anal about how I like my kitchen cleaned and I can't relax or go to bed until it's reached that standard. Aware that's a me issue. I'd hate someone messing up my kitchen and then knowing I'd have to clean it but feeling unable to in the presence of guests.

Snap. It’s suffocating isn’t it?

I think the cookery course is a good idea. Maybe suggest something you'd like to do [as it doesn't sound like you are that keen a cook] and hope she signs up to stuff solo afterwards?
A good friend has started volunteering at a shelter on Friday nights on the basis it gives her something to do as most of her friends have small kids and she is wfh and just wants to get out by the end of the week. She mucks in with the evening meal and has built up some really nice friends within the volunteer group. She also quite likes it as it's alcohol free as a lot of the homeless folk have issues in that space, so she's bright eyed and bushy tailed on a Saturday morning.