AIBU to ask a friend not to cook if she's coming over?

I actually dropped a friend over her insistence on cooking. Granted it was at their place, not mine, but EVERY social occasion had to revolve around watching them cook, eating their food, praising their food, talking about food. So utterly tedious.

Plus the stuff they cooked was inedible. We have a mutual friend who is a food writer for a well-known publication and will eat anything, and SHE couldn't stomach "Clara's" cooking. The final straw was undercooked poached drumsticks, I kid you not. I literally gagged at the table and had to make an excuse.

No amount of alternative suggestions would do. "Let's just meet for a drink." "Let's try that new cafe." "How about coming to my place for a small cocktail party." "Let's go for a long walk." "Let's just go for cake and coffee." No, no and no. It ALWAYS had to be "dinner at Clara and Mark's place." Finally I just stopped responding to e-mails and texts. Perhaps cowardly but they just didn't listen, completely tone deaf to what friends were hinting at.

My closer friends and I all are middle-aged and trying to de-emphasize food in our lives. Our get-togethers these days tend to revolve around walking, visiting trust sites or garden centres, films, pubs or often helping one another with DIY projects and gardenings. A few nibbles and beer/wine ancillary to these activities, but few are interested any more in heavy meals or faffy cooking.

We have a friend who insists on cooking when they come here sometimes and it drives me nuts.

If you are not that fussed about her food, why not offer to cook for her one night? But thinking about it I can imagine she would turn it round and insist on herself doing the cooking! But agreed not great for you having someone mess your kitchen up and you aren’t even that fond of the end product. I think best you don’t even meet at yours the next time, say you want to go out just for a drink, no food involved!

Is she friends with you or your kitchen? If she only wants to hang out with you so she can cook, not much of a friend! Hanging out with you should be the objective - be it over a takeaway or crisps. Don't people please, stand your ground.

I know someone like this. They think they’re a great cook and just love to show off in other peoples kitchens. To be fair they do tidy up so it’s not that that’s the problem, it’s the expectation for adulation and worship from others about how wonderful they are and the kitchen performance as if they’re bloody nigella on the telly. They tried running a restaurant kitchen once based on their love of cooking and everyone telling them how good they were. Barely lasted a week before asking a professional to step in and help. Didn’t stop the wanky cooking ego which lives on.

just tell your pal it’s your turn and you’re ordering a curry

I’m absolutely with you, OP! I don’t even like anyone being in my kitchen putting things in the wrong place/hoking around in cupboards etc.

I think you’re the kind of person who would find someone else cooking in your kitchen a dream or a nightmare, and I’m definitely the latter! I couldn’t relax at all - I don’t even like guests helping clean up! I shoo them into the living with a drink while I sort the kitchen out.

Bella being overly obsessed about her own cooking in her friends homes. Now, that is as bizarre as it can get and only on MN

Agree.

OP, I am perplexed that you continue to worry about being "a grump." What Bella proposes is a massive imposition, very controlling and not much fun.

She is using you to fill the void she feels in living alone. There is no reason she can't cook nice things for one person; it's absurd to think that one has to have a partner or family in order to justify making nice meals or practising cookery.

Just tell her that you like to relax in the evenings and that you deep clean on Saturdays and don't use the kitchen again until Monday. It was a one-off that you let her come before but you'd rather converse at a bar or restaurant than sit idly by while she is focused on the culinary efforts.

Can't imagine anyone so obtuse as to bring fish to someone else's home. And asking you to split the cost AND do all the cleanup, etc., is beyond the pale. She really sounds like a PITA, tbh.

YANBU. What a faff!! I couldn’t be doing with that after a busy week at work and I agree with pp that it does sound a little controlling.

YANBU.
I think she sounds very controlling. Fair enough if cooking is her thing but to impose it on you in your home! I'd be having none of it.

My mother is currently in this situation and it's driving her mad. Her sister has a kitchen in her flat, a perfectly lovely flat, but she says she 'doesn't want to make a mess' so it's 'easier' to do it at my mums house.

And also she critiques my mum's equipment. 'Oh, these knives aren't very sharp'.

Proper fried fish means draining off and disposing of oil, patting fish dry on a platter of paper towels, etc. I can understand if she was making a special herb marinade or beer batter version, but why not go to a posh chippy instead? (It's Friday btw and I'm now thinking of fish and chips...)

You are very patient.
I wouldn't like this.
I certainly wouldn't like the clean up.
I think it is presumptuous.
As for house stinking?
Simply wouldn't have it.
Especially fish.🤢

It's your house

If she cooks, the window is open and the extractor fan on

No argument

I would absolutely hate someone cooking for me in my kitchen. I like a clean kitchen and clean as I go so it would be super stressful.
Unless she brings a pie/casserole pre prepared it would be a firm no from me and actually I would say "It is a real pain cleaning up after you"

You have an entire family unit to do things with on a weekend. A friend must expect you won't always be 'on' for a very engaging and active evening. Do you work during the week? You say Bella works from home all the time? Maybe she needs to hotdesk or get into a rhythm of going to a library or pod of some kind (café if affordable) so her human contact needs won't have built up by the weekend.

There's definitely been a thread about this before, at least you're not alone. I think she's just lonely and a little arrogant tbh.

Fried fish can really stink, no wonder she wants to use your kitchen! She doesn't want to have a lingering smell at her place.

I've told her I'd love to see her, but would prefer to just get a takeaway and relax this weekend. She pushed back a few times, so I ended up being more direct and saying that while I love her company, I've just spent all week shopping, cooking, and cleaning and don't want to spend my whole weekend doing the same. Now Bella is miffed and feels I've snubbed her.

Of course YANBU to say no thank you to anyone proposing to do something in your home. Her mardy response is on her, not you.