To think MN is horrible about blended families?

Not if I could help it, but I don't see that choice ever arising. DH and I are pretty solid. Unlike DH's ex, I don't plan to start sleeping with his friend and then throw him out. We made it clear that SD was welcome to move with us, but she made the decision that she'd rather live with her Mum, Stepdad and younger brother and visit us regularly. If at any time she chooses to live with us, she'll be welcomed with open arms.

Yep, the day-to-day stuff is parenting and that's why we stayed in an area that we couldn't afford, miles away from family, until SD started getting busy with friends and homework and extra-curriculars and we were only seeing her EOW anyway, and we realised she didn't need us as much as she used to. We have almost as many overnights now as we did when she came EOW, they are just split up differently.

Sunshine - would you live 2 hours from your DC?

Now realise her father accepted moving that far from her, to stay with you & his new DC.

She might understand the reasons but you can bet for damn sure she's hurt.

The day to day stuff is parenting. He's a Disney dad.
You wouldn't move hours away from your own child would you?

@Moveoverdarlin of, course it was a profound shock for them and deeply traumatic... I remember when a relative I was close too but much older cousin got married. I was 8 at their wedding and thought when they left foe honeymoon that was it. I wouldn't sew them again. I remember feeling utterly bereft almost like a death.

I bet it causes ptsd.
I have worked with older school who have been pretty much abandoned by the if birth parents and are either in foster care or with grandparents because mum went onto have different children and families and so did dad.

I also remember my terror when my parents who fought like cat and dog nearly spilt up when my dad had an affair. I remember my mum saying imagine that woman in my homeland redecorating and making it hers.
I couldn't bear the thought it was awful. Thankfully they did spilt up but stayed close and no other partners.
.

Really? Have you read this thread?

My mum would have said that my life was better with the addition of a step parent and step siblings too, but she was wrong.
Blended families are very rarely in the best interests of children, they can cause a lot of difficulty and heartache and they often exist because parents put their need for a live in relationship ahead of their children’s needs.
I know some blended families are genuinely happy and successful but it is rare. Usually the parents project the idea that everyone is happy because it suits them to believe that, but in reality the children would rather just live with their biological family.

This. My cousins view of their blended family growing up is laughably different to my uncle's rose tinted view.

Until I came along he was in one bedroom in a house share meaning that SD could never stay over, it was only my salary that enabled us to get a 2 bed flat where she could stay, but then the rents went up and up and our salaries didn't cover it any more, despite taking on extra part time work. Now she spends her holidays in her own room (which she doesn't have at her Mum's) and we have the time and money to go on days out and do fun things. Sometimes she brings a friend. We miss being able to do all the day-to-day stuff, but 15 yos don't want you to walk them to and from school and help them with their homework anyway.

The delusion is strong with this one.

I disagree op. The general theme seems to be someone wants to 'blend' a family after 5 minutes of dating and posters say slow down. Thats very different to criticising blended families in general, that's just sensible advice about the pace of things.

I was forced into a blended family and I hated it. I'm divorced and whilst I'm in a relationship I would never blend because i genuinely don't believe most kids find it an enjoyable experience. Kids say what they think parents want to hear. Most kids would prefer not to blend, I think.

If it works for you, great.

She was as much invested in us having a baby as we were, she was an only child for a long time and desperate for siblings. She adores her sister.

Exactly.
To all the defensive people on here unwilling to listen or reflect on their behaviour - 🖕🏻

Well perhaps her dad could have stuck around had he not had more DC to fund? And herein lies the problem. So much compromise and understanding expected of children.

I don't think she wanted to spend half her time in a poorly insulated, mould ridden 1 bed flat any more than we did.

Her Mum lives with her own Mum and the mortgage was paid off about 20 years ago. Otherwise they'd have had to leave the area too.

Was she now.

I'm sorry about that. SD was able to understand the concept that we'd been priced out of the area by soaring rents.

@MrsSunshine2b

My dad moved towns, 40 mins away. We're close, I love him but I've never forgiven him.

I guess no children get to choose the other children they live with, but all adults have the right to choose the adults they live with. A child could dislike blood siblings just as much as step siblings. The main clash to me is different parenting styles in one home especially the older they are when the homes blend.

I'm quite sure she already knows she isn't part of the family, and she definitely knows her father moved hours away from her. But as her step"mother" says, if she's miserable oh well!

OK. I'm sure you know our situation better than us.

She's 15. She can't possibly understand how completely selfish her father is yet.

When she has her own children, and can't imagine leaving them for even an hour, it'll all come flooding over her.

I agree I'm in my 30s with a toddler I'll be post menopausal when he goes off to uni it seems strange to think I can't have a live in relationship until then.
I'm also so tired and exhausted and can be lonely in the evenings. Having someone to make me really happy and to support me in all the ways a partner does would surely be good for me and my son?!
But saying that I would only consider this with a truly incredible man. The big standard typical relationship where woman is a married single mum - no thank you.

I have one child. There are 2 children in our family. If I'm on a post about young children I won't be mentioning a 15 yo! It made sense for all of us to live further away but she still has a place with us. Her Mum is also re-partnered and she has a good relationship with her stepdad too.

I knew I shouldn't have got dragged into this thread.

I don't need to prove anything, if she's happy, we're happy. If she's secretly miserable whilst claiming to be happy whilst showing every indicator of being a happy and successful teenager then I guess there's not a lot we can do about that!

Interesting that a brief look at your posts shows you saying there's one child in your family (yours, ignoring your stepdaughter) and that you and your husband chose to move a couple of hours away from her.

Well I have a great relationship with my SD and she's welcome here any time. We have her as much as we can.