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What is with the English, affairs, and divorce?

319 replies

BoundaryGirl3939 · 18/10/2024 11:21

Everyday when I visit this website I see a post about a husband having an affair, or a suspicion that he is cheating, or an irritation that he is getting to close to a female friend. I see mumsnet as an accurate description of what is going on in English society, and the levels of infidelity shock me.

I'm Irish, and believe me that the men here are not perfect. We have high levels of addiction (alcoholism) and dysfunction (anger management) but the infidelity is definitely not as commonplace (although it does take place but not as frequently). Yes, Irish marriages/relationships break up, and adults may get a second life partner after a relationship has died, but the actual 'cheating' is not as common and is scandalous if it does take place.

I find it shocking that an average man can contently sleep with another woman, and then go home to his wife and kids. My mind boggles that a woman can feel like she has a right to encroach on another womans husband and take a father from his family.

OP posts:
coldcallerbaiter · 18/10/2024 15:15

PlantHeadNo5 · 18/10/2024 13:29

Do you have anything to back up your claim that men are biologically polygamous?

I don’t think all humans are monogamous but it’s a big leap to say that all men are polygamous. I know many men who have or probably would cheat and I know a few men who couldn’t think of anything worse than being true to their wives.

It’s a very generalised statement you’re making with no real evidence to support it. (and you won’t find any because scientists cannot fathom it either. Humans are fairly unique in our behaviour and whether we are naturally or just socially monogamous, no one can make their mind up).

Edited

Men are made to be rampant more so due to testosterone but that is the urge only, it’s a blunt instrument of nature. Females are tuned to get the best male they can each pregnancy, so males are often ‘left to themselves’ so to speak.

coldcallerbaiter · 18/10/2024 15:11

DeanElderberry · 18/10/2024 13:01

How on earth doe any survey company imagine it knows what a country's rate of infidelity is?

I did hear men overestimate and women underestimate in the surveys but idk country-wise, depends how much they trust the anonymity of the surveys.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 18/10/2024 15:10

BoundaryGirl3939 · 18/10/2024 11:24

What causes this to be more common in certain societies? I know many of the French have mistresses. Like wtf?

Ireland was very Catholic up until 30 years ago. Has the commitment to partnership/children remained stronger because divorce was not legalised until fairly recently?

France was very Catholic too. That never stopped them.

Either Ireland is special and the men are super-faithful, or you just think they are...

johndeer · 18/10/2024 15:10

BoundaryGirl3939 · 18/10/2024 11:24

I said that it does happen here but it's not as common.

How can you possibly know this. You may just not know as many people who have had affairs. Have you canvassed the population of Ireland. You can’t possibly know this for sure. Sounds to me like you’re in denial.

ginasevern · 18/10/2024 15:07

I'm not Irish and I don't live in Ireland but there may be fewer cheats because there are fewer people. The population of Ireland is way smaller than England. This would be the case for murders and other statistics as well I assume. I would also imagine that due to the historic strangle hold of the Catholic church, people are more reluctant to get divorced and face a societal backlash. From what I've seen and read, much of Ireland is still quite rural. Everyone knows everyone else and you're likely to have your aunty living down the road. Very few English villages still have "English villagers" living in them so the structure of society in the two countries is somewhat different.

Hreenpro · 18/10/2024 15:04

Haha, mumsnet absolutely is not an accurate description of what is going on in English society. I’d stop believing that for a start! How do you even know which posters are from England anyway?

coldcallerbaiter · 18/10/2024 15:04

Planesmistakenforstars · 18/10/2024 12:37

Did you hear this from your arse?

She must have done.

If you know about nature, or our ape ancestors, most males do not get a look in./nada, which is why they fight each other. Females only want the best males they can get and the females are poly too.

Whatineed · 18/10/2024 15:01

coxesorangepippin · 18/10/2024 14:54

And you should see the Welsh!!!

Oi! Nothing to see by here!

coxesorangepippin · 18/10/2024 14:54

And you should see the Welsh!!!

coldcallerbaiter · 18/10/2024 14:52

User135644 · 18/10/2024 11:46

Women cheat just as much.

how do we know? The rate I mean, is it from anon surveys?

Samphire44 · 18/10/2024 14:51

Runninglateagaintoday · 18/10/2024 14:41

Huh?
The linked article says 4.4 and 4.6 per 1000 marriages for UK and Ireland respectively.

You are looking at the crude rate which is per 1000 population. I was referring to the refined rate which is per 1000 marriages.

Changeyourfuckingcar · 18/10/2024 14:49

‘I see mumsnet as an accurate description of what is going on in English society’
How very silly of you 🤣 it makes sense that a relationships advice board would be full of people asking for advice on their marital problems… I’d say that’s common sense! For example, I do not post about my (as far as I know!) faithful, lovely husband because I don’t need advice on that, there’ll be countless others just like me!

BodyKeepingScore · 18/10/2024 14:48

ShowerOfShites · 18/10/2024 11:25

I'm Irish and I can safely say you're talking bollocks.

Also (and make sure you're sitting down now) not everyone on this forum is English 😲🤯

This.

BodyKeepingScore · 18/10/2024 14:48

Believe me, Cheating is every bit as common place in Ireland.

Many women, wrongly, tolerate much worse behaviour here.

coldcallerbaiter · 18/10/2024 14:46

Sorry to derail but this got me thinking, if more percentage men cheat, who do they cheat with? Are the women cheaters busier or what? Do more single women cheat with married guys?

Bigcat25 · 18/10/2024 14:41

Liv999 · 18/10/2024 14:12

A larger draw for what? For priests to have affairs?

Sorry. A larger draw for pedos as they aren't allowed to have traditional romantic relationships. I know not all priests are pedis obv.

Runninglateagaintoday · 18/10/2024 14:41

Samphire44 · 18/10/2024 14:21

Ireland has 6.57 divorces per year per 1,000 marriages whereas the UK has only 2.44 so I think your anecdote is not representative OP.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography

Huh?
The linked article says 4.4 and 4.6 per 1000 marriages for UK and Ireland respectively.

Helpnifoseeker · 18/10/2024 14:35

whynotwhatknot · 18/10/2024 12:02

does that mean everyone in ireland knows each other

sorry but youre being ridiulous

You'd be surprised, we kind of do😉😆!

midgetastic · 18/10/2024 14:35

worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/infidelity-rates-by-country

Uk not that high up the list

DamnitImTired · 18/10/2024 14:35

People don’t come on here for advice on their perfect wonderful lives. You are not getting a fair representation of any population by the nature of what these forums exist for. Advice. And generally advice on problems.

PlantHeadNo5 · 18/10/2024 14:34

janeandmarysmum · 18/10/2024 14:26

It really wasn't the norm years ago. I'm mid-60s and my Grandparents generation was full of affairs and children whose fathers weren't their mother's husband. Misogyny and male privilege meant it wasn't openly discussed.

Agreed it wasn’t the norm unfortunately @Chowtime. During family research we found out about affairs going back generations with illegitimate children and people leaving their partners. During both wars apparently there was lots of it going on, particularly with a British women and American soldiers. The difference is we don’t tend to stay these days.

Vergus · 18/10/2024 14:31

I'm Irish. I've had 72 affairs in my lifetime

TattoedLady · 18/10/2024 14:28

We Irish have a saying:
Better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you're an idiot, than to open it and prove you're an idiot.

You're not naive, you're just an...

GiveMeSpanakopita · 18/10/2024 14:27

What is it with the Irish, alcoholism and child abuse?

What is it with the Germans, racial supremacy and starting world wars?

What is it with the Chinese, inscrutability and stealing US tech IP?

What is it with the Italians, hot-bloodedness and facism?

What is it with the Indians, political turmoil and gang rape?

What is it with the Japanese, schoolgirl porn and yakuza?

Wow OP, this casual racism is ace! I could do this shit all day!

janeandmarysmum · 18/10/2024 14:26

Chowtime · 18/10/2024 11:28

Infidelity has simply become the norm over the last 20-30 years.

Years ago, it was normal to be faithful.

Now it's normal to be unfaithful.

It's not something that appeals to me, I share my lover with nobody. Probably why i'm single though!

It really wasn't the norm years ago. I'm mid-60s and my Grandparents generation was full of affairs and children whose fathers weren't their mother's husband. Misogyny and male privilege meant it wasn't openly discussed.

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