Ghost or be brutally honest?

I don't really understand why she is angry. They're just not compatible and that's OK.

"The rolling pin wine bottle was dirty from the last time it was used."

It had flour on it.

Biohazard levels too high, chemistry levels too low. I personally wouldn't bother slag off their home or hygeine. I'd just say thanks but I'm not really feeling a connection. Good luck with dating. Ps. I strongly suggest you invest in a rolling pin. 🤣

Why is she angry? This is him telling her how he lives. She should be thankful she found out on date number 3 and not make a date number 4.

so what if she is lying to him they are not in a serious relationship and her standards are different to his

just not really feeling this is enough keep it light

of course he has done the pizza making before maybe as it wasn't a success he will try something new ....

She seems quite over dramatic to be so angry she can’t think straight. All she has to do is message and say it’s not working out for her. Which isn’t a lie.

I opened this post thinking there’d be a ghost photograph or story that I could rubbish. Disappointing.

Are you really in your mid thirties? I would have guessed early twenties tbh

Your friend should do the man and the world a kindness by giving him feedback as you close the door.

Best scenario : he improves himself and cleans up, finds another partner and becomes a better person / contributor to society

Worst scenario : guy doesn’t care, he just wants women for “magic times” in his grotty bedroom, and will never wash his hands ever - but you feel better for being honest (and vindicated)

I would just be polite and say 'thanks but no thanks' to further dates. However, I can see why she's a bit annoyed, like he thought sex was so on the cards he wouldn't have to put any effort into a very new (not even real) relationship. Just a bit deflating.

I could cope with a bit of mess, and I don't see what the problem is with an improvised rolling pin-but "this is where the magic happens"??

"Thank you, but I don't think we're compatible."

Is her intention to do the most hurtful thing?

I think that would probably be being brutally honest, although ghosting is pretty awful too.

To add, I don't have any issue with him being in comfortable clothes for a date at home as long as he and they are clean and tidy. The state of the house is a separate issue IMO.

Has he actually asked her out again? If she's as angry as you say she is, he was probably well aware she was unimpressed by the lack of effort and basic hygiene unless he has the hide of a rhino.

They've been on a couple of dates, I'm not sure what all of the angst is about. This isn't really working for me and I don't think we're compatible is a perfectly adequate response.

Is lying somehow worse than ghosting? I wouldn’t have said so.

Both options you’ve mentioned seem to be designed to wound. But given that your friend is “too angry to think straight” because of a bad date, that doesn’t surprise me. I wouldn’t want to go out with a slob, but a fucking massive drama queen is even less appealing.

It's not a choice between the two.

All she needs to say is 'I'm sorry, it's just not working for me. Thanks and good luck in the future!'

If he begs her to tell him why, then yes, I'd tell him the truth. That way at least he can choose to be different if he cares badly enough.

She should send him a message politely stating she isn't interested in further dates.
Ghosting is nasty and so is being rude about the state of his house, it's not her place to comment on it

Some women’s standards genuinely fascinate me.

I sometimes read posts about people with terrible slobs for partners, despairing at having to do all the domestic labour and wonder ‘how did things ever even progress past a few dates. Then I read comments like this and all becomes clear.

Sorry, do people usually get dressed up to have people over? I certainly don’t! The house sounds gross but I’d just be honest and suggest he hired a cleaner if I liked someone enough. Single men are often a bit gross tbh. I don’t think she needs to ghost or be rude to him - both very unreasonable suggestions. He hasn’t really done anything wrong?

My dh was a grub as well when we met and is completely different now after living together. He went to pick up take out last week and came back with nothing. Said he saw the workers in the back handling food with no gloves so cancelled the order. I've never been more attracted to him in my life. Prior to our relationship he would've been happy eating off the ground so they can and do change

I don’t see what the difficulty is? Just text “Thanks for the date, I don’t want to see you again, as we just don’t seem compatible. Good luck.” And leave it at that.
Your suggested options just sound childish.

And actually it isn't a lie to say you're not feeling it, someone's not right for you etc. it's called tact. Just because you have an opinion or thought doesn't mean it always need to be shared.