Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ghost or be brutally honest?

235 replies

TheBeesKnee · 18/10/2024 11:04

I'm posting on behalf of my friend who, in her own words, is too angry to think straight.

She went on a third date to a man's house to make pizza. His suggestion. When she got there he was very low effort, joggers and crocs, had the ingredients but no rolling pin (but helpfully pulled out an old flour-crusted bottle of wine as a solution - suggests he's done this before? 🤔).

The place was a bit grubby but the bathroom was filthy. There was a crusty bar of soap that looked like it hadn't been used in a while. There was no other soap/hand wash in the bathroom or kitchen.

Other highlights include a tour of the house and "this is where the magic happens" when they got to the bedroom.

She doesn't want to see him again. They are both mid 30s.

YABU - she should ghost him
YANBU - tell him she doesn't want to continue dating him because he's a dirty bitch and she doesn't want to further populate her microbiome

OP posts:
Thudercatsrule · 18/10/2024 12:32

I dont get why she's so angry? He's a bit grubby and she's very judgey!

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 18/10/2024 12:31

coronafiona · 18/10/2024 11:13

"Thanks for the other evening. On reflection I think I'd prefer not to continue seeing you, having a decent rolling pin is of paramount importance clean and comfortable home is important to me and I'm not willing to compromise on that"

Perfect 👌

TeenLifeMum · 18/10/2024 12:30

RampantIvy · 18/10/2024 12:28

The place was a bit grubby but the bathroom was filthy - from the OP's first post.

You think he hasn't done anything wrong by having a grubby flat with a filthy bathroom? Shock

Blimey, you have very low standards.

Show quote history

He hasn’t done anything “wrong” as presumably that’s how he lives and some people would care but honestly others wouldn’t. I would absolutely care and it would be a no from me but I have friends who have different levels of hygiene/cleanliness and we’re still friends (although I wouldn’t want to live with them) and they’re all married.

Osirus · 18/10/2024 12:30

Never ghost. Christ, what a shitty thing to do to another human being.

FrauPaige · 18/10/2024 12:28

He's probably one of those blokes that leaves stripes on bedsheets and poo crumbs on the toilet seat

BettyBardMacDonald · 18/10/2024 12:28

rosesaredeadvioletsaretoo · 18/10/2024 11:55

Sorry, do people usually get dressed up to have people over? I certainly don’t! The house sounds gross but I’d just be honest and suggest he hired a cleaner if I liked someone enough. Single men are often a bit gross tbh. I don’t think she needs to ghost or be rude to him - both very unreasonable suggestions. He hasn’t really done anything wrong?

Seriously???

Yes, people get dressed up for dates and most want their dwellings to reflect positively on them, and to be clean and comfortable for guests.

RampantIvy · 18/10/2024 12:28

Didimum · 18/10/2024 12:25

This is all a bit unnecessary. She can just politely decline another date. The bloke is not to her liking, but hasn't actually done anything wrong. End of.

The place was a bit grubby but the bathroom was filthy - from the OP's first post.

You think he hasn't done anything wrong by having a grubby flat with a filthy bathroom? Shock

Blimey, you have very low standards.

TeenLifeMum · 18/10/2024 12:27

I don’t get why she’s so angry. They had an informal 3rd date at his and when she saw him in that context, he wasn’t for her. He saw it as a chilled jogging bottoms evening and she did not. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t date him again, but he let her into his real life world and it wasn’t for her. Some people care about mess and others don’t, some people apparently use a rolling pin for pizza (who knew?) and others don’t. I don’t understand why any of this is worth getting angry about - a frustrated eye roll at most, surely?

pigsDOfly · 18/10/2024 12:27

All sound terribly dramatic: so angry she can't think straight. It's not as if they've been married for years and she's found out he's been cheating.

It was a third date with a man who is clearly a slob and wears crocs oh, and doesn't have a rolling pin.

Sounds like she's well out of it tbh.

Why are you talking about, what would happen if the relationship progressed and they moved in together; they've had three dates.

No need to ghost him it's nasty. Just, as pps have suggested, tell him it's not working for you/her.

Uricon2 · 18/10/2024 12:27

ShowerOfShites · 18/10/2024 12:25

But she has chemistry with this man! 🙈

Show quote history

The sort that grows in Petri dishes by the sound of it!

Didimum · 18/10/2024 12:25

This is all a bit unnecessary. She can just politely decline another date. The bloke is not to her liking, but hasn't actually done anything wrong. End of.

ShowerOfShites · 18/10/2024 12:25

Uricon2 · 18/10/2024 12:23

Any guy wearing joggers and crocs on date 3, while saying "this is where the magic happens" about the bedroom (bleurgh) would see me gone in seconds, even from a Pristine Palace of Hygiene.

But she has chemistry with this man! 🙈

RampantIvy · 18/10/2024 12:25

"I think we should call it a day as we aren't compatible" and block.

I would find him deeply unattractive as well, and agree with @ThatTealViewer.
A dirty lazy slob wouldn't get very far with me.

Uricon2 · 18/10/2024 12:23

Any guy wearing joggers and crocs on date 3, while saying "this is where the magic happens" about the bedroom (bleurgh) would see me gone in seconds, even from a Pristine Palace of Hygiene.

AnonymousBleep · 18/10/2024 12:23

I once went on a date to a bloke's house - I really fancied him until I got there. It was like something from Bottom, with a filthy kitchen, dirty water in the bath and - I shit you not - a flea jumped out of his curtain when I touched it.

That was the end of that. I didn't want to touch anything - certainly not him after that, as it was no longer clear that he actually ever washed - and I never saw him again. I think I just ghosted him though tbh, I doubt I told him about his flea-ridden curtains.

yeaitsmeagain · 18/10/2024 12:23

When this happens to me I send the text and Amazon Prime them some hand wash (and usually toilet cleaner).

FreebieWallopFridge · 18/10/2024 12:22

This is such and overreaction. What on earth is wrong with just saying they’re not compatible and just moving on?

yeaitsmeagain · 18/10/2024 12:22

Robinrbst · 18/10/2024 11:38

Not to be a food bore, but the most exclusive pizza place in New York (Lucalis Brooklyn) exclusively uses wine bottles to roll pizza dough. It's good enough for Beyonce....

You're welcome

Do they wash the bottles occasionally though

Leopardprintlover101 · 18/10/2024 12:21

She could just say she’s not impressed with the lack of effort.

At this stage of dating he should be trying to impress her, not depress her.

Motnight · 18/10/2024 12:20

Why is she so angry? I mean she's just had insight into the fact that they are obviously not compatible - saves them both from wasting any more time on each other.

PlantHeadNo5 · 18/10/2024 12:19

ShowerOfShites · 18/10/2024 12:18

I know. So angry she can't think straight and the OP has to post on her behalf 👀😂

Show quote history

Agreed. I can’t imagine being that angry because someone doesn’t have a rolling pin or a dirty bathroom.

I might feel that frothed about the crocs though.

DivergentTris · 18/10/2024 12:18

TheBeesKnee · 18/10/2024 11:09

So, lying.

Show quote history

No, just vague and tactful. No need for lies or the brutal grass truth, both of these are completely unnecessary.

ShowerOfShites · 18/10/2024 12:18

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 18/10/2024 12:16

I don't really understand why she is angry. They're just not compatible and that's OK.

I know. So angry she can't think straight and the OP has to post on her behalf 👀😂

PlantHeadNo5 · 18/10/2024 12:17

Ghosting is rarely acceptable. She needs to grow up and tell him she is no longer interested, she doesn’t need to call him names or never speak to him again, just have an adult conversation.

FeedingThem · 18/10/2024 12:17

If it's that bad,why didn't she fake an emergency call or stomach ache and leave? I can't imagine being this angry but staying for the date. Did she chew in stony silence after polishing the cutlery on her frock?

Swipe left for the next trending thread