Ghost or be brutally honest?

Get offline and go and clean your home!

I honestly don’t understand the ‘so angry I can’t think straight’ element of this, nor the astonishingly rude ‘dirty bitch’ line!!

Everyone has their horrendous date stories, now she’s got hers. It’s date 3, the perfectly reasonable time to send the thanks but no thanks text. Just be a bloody grown up about it and move on.

She sounds like a bit of a cock. She doesn't have to date the messy guy (a messy woman will take him!) but being angry is stupid and weird. It'd be like dating an uptight mum.

Rolling pin wouldn’t bother me. “Where the magic happens” comment probably wouldn’t bother me, but I can see why someone else would think it was off.

As for the bathroom - I had a friend who was seeing a man and went to his flat to find his bathroom in a diabolical state (think dirty toilet etc) and she straight up told him she was flabbergasted that he’d think it was alright to invite her over with his bathroom like that. Man in question apologised and it was spotless from then on. So…. Mentioning sometimes works.

I can neither fathom why she's so angry or why this requires a post, to be honest.

Some people are gross - male and female.

It takes one text to say thanks but no thanks. End of issue.

She should be grateful for the early warning that he lives in a sty.

I might tell him why I was bailing, I’m not sure. At least he would know for the next pizza date.

She just tells him she’s not interested in going on another date. True. He didn’t ask for feedback.

If does ask why, then best for her to be honest. If he’s otherwise a nice guy then some pointers for self improvement are going to help him.

As others said - just say she doesn't want to take it further. (Which is true). Why the need to be unpleasant. How would you feel if someone said they didn't want to see you again and listed the things they found repulsive about you. Not nice and not necessary.

He probably rolls out of bed at 8.45am onto the pile of clothes he took off the night before, pulls them back on, and it's down the stairs and out the front door without even so much as a glance at a toothbrush or the proverbial bar of soap.

Please tell me he was still patiently waiting at first base or it's off to the dentists with her for a deep clean.

@rosesaredeadvioletsaretoo

people do generally make an effort and try to look their best on dates, yes.

Yuck he sounds grim! Hygiene is extremely important. Unfortunately with men though you have to be tactful and not hurt their ego in case they are psychopaths. So I would just say something bland eg chemistry and move on.

"Thanks for the evening, unfortunately I'm not feeling this and don't want to continue seeing you. Take care."

This is perfect. Its not rude, its not ghosting and its not lying - its the truth, she doesnt feel it.

You dont have to point out a person's every flaw in order not to "lie". You can simply say no dont want to continue. There is simply no need to go to extremes of ghosting or "you disgust me". Its not necessary.

Your friend sounds like a bit of a pain

People who are obsessed with cleaning make me laugh. Ok, it's not ideal for things to be a bit grimy but is it really worth summoning this depth of emotion over it? Spitting mad and primed to send a rude text?

Tell her chill out for once in her life.

The instanct ick for 'this is where the magic happens' would resolve the chemistry issue for me as there wouldn't be any left, nevermind the crusty soap.

He sounds like he has disgusting hygiene and is a bit sleazy with the 'this is where the magic happens' comments but he wasn't mean or horrible to your friend so I'm not sure why just a polite 'nice to have met you but I'm not interested in having a relationship' message isn't acceptable to you or your friend.

Is he otherwise a nice guy that's looking for love?

If so, maybe give some constructive advice. "You're a really nice guy, but I'll be honest, I was a little disappointed with our last date. I'd made an effort to look good and was looking forward to making pizza, but, I'll be honest, the dusty wine bottle "roller" and comments like "this is where the magic happens" when showing me the bedroom just makes it feel like you do this all the time with other women."

If he just seems like he's looking for a shag, I'd leave him to it and just say "thanks for the invite, but I don't think we're compatible". You won't be able to teach him anything with that attitude!

The joggers and crocs is a proper ick moment though... I am certain I visibly cringed while reading that!

I like this. I don't think there's a need to be brutally honest. She won't be seeing him again which is obviously fine and her choice however there's no need to bring him down, make him feel shit about himself etc.

Hi. I think she can send a message , anything along the lines of:
I'm not feeling it
Don't think we connect
There's no spark

Is fine, a little ' good luck for the future' would be nice. Then block to avoid further chat.

OP, had he been to her place?

I would jusdge anyone living in a grubby flat with a filthy bathroom.

The joggers and crocs wouldn't bother me.

I'd rather be single than be with someone who doesn't wash his hands!

Well, you're making too many assumption there. Would I personally be put off by it and call it off? Yes. But the guy just isn't for me – it's got nothing to do with wrong or right.

It's not 'wrong' to have a dirty bathroom and low hygiene – it's his home, his body, his choice. He can either find a like-minded woman who doesn't care, stay single or change his ways to open up his options.

Wow... I wonder why she single in her mid 30s, if this is what makes her irrationally angry and her first thought is to jump straight to abusive/bullying behaviors.

Clearly a catch that should have been scooped up a decade or two ago.

The 'so angry' reaction is odd. Presumably she just wasted a couple of hours. He sounds hideous. Just drop him and forget it.