Ghost or be brutally honest?

Agree.

I think being "angry" is a bit OTT but I'd be irked that this low-effort twat wasted my time.

The flat sounds nasty and dirty. It's inexcusable not to have a sparkling bathroom and kitchen for guests. Hell, I had tradesmen in for a few days last week and was giving the bathroom the scrub of its life, let alone for someone I hoped to have sex with. No fresh soap, no clean towel is grim.

Kitchen, especially if the date is a cooking activity, should have been shining. The presence of flour on the wine bottle suggests it was previously used and not washed off. Ugh.

His slovenly attire was another red flag. It's the third date; whether it's at the Savoy or in a tube station, one should be putting one's best foot forward. And that foot ought not to be in grubby old crocs.

The "magic" comment is gagworthy. He sounds juvenile, entitled and dirty. Bin.
(Though I would not have gone to a stranger's home for the third meeting, in the first place.)

To answer the question: I'd just stay silent unless he suggested a fourth date, and then decline. If he asked why, I'd tell him all of the above.

Who is raising men to be like this, is what I'd love to know. Not even basic hygiene.

I doubt it was that bad, a lot of people don't bother too much when they live alone,

But wouldn't you make an effort to tidy and clean if you were having someone round?

I would.

No chemicals either.

I’d have got as far as seeing the manky bathroom made my excuses and left. I don’t like being in grubby or dirty houses and I certainly wouldn’t have been eating in one. As for the “this is where the magic happens” comment if I’d got that far I’d probably have rolled my eyes, told him to enjoy his pizza and left. If he didn’t pick up on why I was leaving that’s his problem, I wouldn’t be spelling it out. He sounds grim.

Oh yuks !
some brilliant comments on here tho, so it was well worth reading, I like the comment did she wipe her fork on her frock or similar.

I want to know if she did actually stay and make the pizza, and if she ate it ( after washing her plate...)

I do wonder if angry wasn't the right emotion I wonder if she was cross - cross that he made no effort in his appearance as this was only the 3rd date, and childish comment about the magic.

Ghosting is so childish and spineless.

How would that be lying? She clearly ISN'T feeling any chemistry, and doesn't want to see him again.

Depends how much she liked him before the pizza date. I dated a man and went to his house, bathroom was filthy. I told him bathroom needs a good clean and he ended up getting a cleaner round. Give him a chance to change.

Clearly your house is as clean as his 😂

She isn´t feeling any chemistry, so not lying.

But why? You said you wanted advice for a friend, so why not give the example as it actually is, why the need to ramp up the drama?

You are making your friend look like a bit of an idiot by doing that

Why the need for the dramatic effect in the first place?
There's no need to ghost him, nor to tell him his place is filthy. What is the point of that? Is she hoping he'll up his game? He might, but he'll go back to being the slob he was before pretty soon.

Just say something along the lines of "Thanks for the other night, I've enjoyed meeting you, but I don't think we're compatible. Best of luck in the future".

It's not lying. They aren't compatible because they have different hygiene standards.

Stop being so dramatic about nothing, this is MN, you aren't writing a novel. The thread would be much better if it were actually real rather than you making stuff up for dramatic effect. I feel like I'm in school again, making a drama about a suboptimal date of your friend so you can get some attention. 🙄

Yes that or something similar.

I doubt it was that bad, a lot of people don't bother too much when they live alone, they maybe have a bit of clean up a couple of times a month. If he had been aware that his place was filthy, he wouldn't have invited her round. The fact that he was relaxed about it shows it wasn't important to him.

It doesn't suit your friend so no need for her to see him again but no reason to be rude or dramatic about it. It happens.

I hate housework, always have. However I'm old enough to be able to afford to get someone in to clean occasionally :-).

My dh lived in a house share when we met the house share wasn't the best and the other residents in it was messy but my dh wasn't he was well kept and clean and had a tidy room

In this case I would simply message and say sorry I don't want to see you again and that's it or something similar don't need a running drama over it

I'd take it a sign of disrespect if a grown professional man invited me over to his squalid home. Young, sharing a place etc can be overlooked but if he lives alone this is inexcusable. Messy is okay, dirty is not.

A tiny bit of effort is required, and I think she should tell him his filthy home was the reason she's not interested in seeing him again.

I've always wondered why 'brutally' is the only adjective I've ever seen in front of the word 'honest'. It's like, for most people there is no other way!

I'm not obsessed with cleaning, but this guy sounded skanky. If you think a filthy bathroom is acceptable you must have low standards.

Can’t she just tell him that she doesn’t think they’re compatible ( he’s dirty, she’s not) simple !

I often think when I read these threads that these men need to be told for their own good (though I also understand why women don't want to poke the toxic masculinity bear).

If it was me I might say ' thanks for the evening but I wasn't feeling it I'm afraid. Happy to clarify if you're interested for future ref but no worries if not.'

I actually had to look “ghosting” up🤭 But I am entering the third phase of my given lifestyle, and date back to a pre social media/ mobile phone period. In my day, we just said a polite no thanks, I’m busy and I don’t think we suit each other.

Love this.

It reminds me of the 'what's the smallest thing that's given you the ick before' thread - no rolling pin is a quite an epic addition to the list :)

When I met my husband, his house was Ok...clean towels, clean bathroom, dishes done, there was soap. He was clean. But he did have a lot of screwdrivers, spanners, etc around and about...born engineer and never been married. But, he surely could cook well and had kitchen implements. I could overlook the bachelor lifestyle because I liked him.

OP, your friend's guy doesn't sound like he cleans his house...and if she got the ick, just tell him we aren't compatible and not date him again. No need for anger or angst.