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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this put you off someone?

116 replies

Fe13 · 18/10/2024 09:13

I used to see someone around 5/6 years ago. At the time, I ended up feeling like it wasn’t right for me, even though we did get on and have fun but I let him know this and he turned a bit sour.

We are both now single parents. He has a set of twin babies who are 8 months old who he has for half the week and I have a 3 year old. He got back in touch a few weeks ago saying it would be good to have a catch up. We have been getting on well after messages. I thought maybe he might have matured a bit aswell since we last saw each other.

However, I’ve just read a message he sent me last night offering to take me out for something to eat and was asking where I like to go. Straight after though he said ‘or I could just come over to yours, I’ll order us a takeaway and we can watch a movie.’ I just can’t believe he’s asking to come over to my house after I haven’t seen him for nearly 6 years. I would have been happy to maybe go for the date. His text also said ‘I don’t mind either way, just would be good to see you again’ ended with a winky face.

I haven’t dated for a long time tbh since me and my Dds split up. Is this a red flag?

OP posts:
nfkl · 18/10/2024 09:37

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/10/2024 09:21

He is definitely hoping to get back into a sexual relationship asap, and if he can skip the preliminary dating all the better. I suppose it depends how you feel about that?

This.

limapie · 18/10/2024 09:34

My first thought was the new part time single dad is looking for a woman to pick up the slack at home, I suspect the first thing he's done is run through the names in his figurative black book.

stanleypops66 · 18/10/2024 09:33

Too messy, he has tiny babies (2 of them) and you have a toddler.

DancingLions · 18/10/2024 09:32

Yes it would put me off. It's pretty clear what he's after. Of course if you raise it with him he will come across all horrified, and say he was thinking of making things "easier" for you. But fact is, if he wanted to build something with you he would take you on a date.

Tbh I wouldn't also be getting involved with someone with twins under a year old! That's a lot to take on if it did turn into a serious relationship.

If you want something casual with him then go ahead. But if you're looking for a partner I wouldn't go for this one.

EauNeu · 18/10/2024 09:28

Never go backwards. Plus this sounds complicated. And he likely thinks he has a fast pass into your knickers. Suggesting your house is showing how little effort he's going to put into this... Wouldn't you rather see someone who's gonna treat you like you are special, take you out and try to impress you? Keep your standards high

AgnesX · 18/10/2024 09:28

Fe13 · 18/10/2024 09:18

I did tell him I have the Sunday available as does he. It was just the winky face, I thought maybe he was implying something? I suppose I’m just a bit wary

The winky face tied into the suggestion of coming to yours and him having 8 months old babies....

No, avoid. Not a good idea, he sounds like a chancer.

Iloveshihtzus · 18/10/2024 09:25

Honestly OP, block him and move on. You have a 3 year old - why on earth would you get involved with an ex who needs a woman to parent 8 month old twins ????
Do not go there or you will be on here in 2 years time telling us how awful your life is.
Find someone with no kids, date them, take it slow.

Coalsy · 18/10/2024 09:25

OP,
He sounds presumptuous and is looking for a shag.
Twins of 8 months and he has split up?
He sounds like a real prize🙄.
Don't have him over to your home.
Meet him out of your home.
Beware of single dads looking for single mother to dump their children on.

Waterboatlass · 18/10/2024 09:23

Yeah, it's not whether it's red flag just to want casual. it's about being clear about what each are looking for. make sure you're asking.

MeMyCatsAndI · 18/10/2024 09:22

Bin him off, winky face says he's looking for sex.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/10/2024 09:21

He is definitely hoping to get back into a sexual relationship asap, and if he can skip the preliminary dating all the better. I suppose it depends how you feel about that?

Waterboatlass · 18/10/2024 09:21

Well what's been discussed, trying a potential relationship or FWB?

If FWB and you already know each other quite well I suppose no point standing on ceremony.

The winky face and night in suggest this may be what he has in mind (and it kind of makes sense if he has such little twins he might not be in the market for serious).

I'd clarify what he's looking for but bear in mind that men looking to show you they may be serious about you don't just offer a night in off the bat. Could be coming from a good place, two busy newish parents who already know each other, but I get the impression he's after fun.

Original poster
Fe13 · 18/10/2024 09:18

I did tell him I have the Sunday available as does he. It was just the winky face, I thought maybe he was implying something? I suppose I’m just a bit wary

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 18/10/2024 09:17

Perhaps he's offering an alternative that allows for your 3yo as well. Trying to be helpful?

Attelina · 18/10/2024 09:17

He did nothing wrong.

johnson39 · 18/10/2024 09:16

I don't see anything wrong with that, it's not like you don't know him at all. If he comes round and tries it on that's different, but you're just presuming and if he does you can put him in his place.
I'd just reply and say you'd rather go out, this time, if he has twins money maybe an issue.