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Original poster

Would this put you off someone?

116 replies

Fe13 · 18/10/2024 09:13

I used to see someone around 5/6 years ago. At the time, I ended up feeling like it wasn’t right for me, even though we did get on and have fun but I let him know this and he turned a bit sour.

We are both now single parents. He has a set of twin babies who are 8 months old who he has for half the week and I have a 3 year old. He got back in touch a few weeks ago saying it would be good to have a catch up. We have been getting on well after messages. I thought maybe he might have matured a bit aswell since we last saw each other.

However, I’ve just read a message he sent me last night offering to take me out for something to eat and was asking where I like to go. Straight after though he said ‘or I could just come over to yours, I’ll order us a takeaway and we can watch a movie.’ I just can’t believe he’s asking to come over to my house after I haven’t seen him for nearly 6 years. I would have been happy to maybe go for the date. His text also said ‘I don’t mind either way, just would be good to see you again’ ended with a winky face.

I haven’t dated for a long time tbh since me and my Dds split up. Is this a red flag?

OP posts:
Coalsy · 18/10/2024 11:22

Fe13 · 18/10/2024 10:30

He has just messaged saying he’s got the babies today and he is saying how hard it is with two and how ‘people with one baby have it easy!’

There you go.
He's looking for the nearest woman to shag and for childcare.
Run for the hills.
Next he will be suggesting he pop around to yours so you can see the babies.🙄

pinkdelight · 18/10/2024 10:55

Dishwashersaurous · 18/10/2024 10:53

He's a father of eight month old twins. Has already split up with the mother.

And is actively trying to date.

That alone is enough to put you off, let alone the fact that it previously went wrong.

And actively trying to date an ex, so he can shortcut any effort and go straight over to hers. Brazen!

Dishwashersaurous · 18/10/2024 10:53

He's a father of eight month old twins. Has already split up with the mother.

And is actively trying to date.

That alone is enough to put you off, let alone the fact that it previously went wrong.

Sailonsilverrgirl · 18/10/2024 10:53

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SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 18/10/2024 10:49

Well, suggesting coming to your place instead of going out hints at the possibility of romantic developments, especially with the wink, but he's made it easy for you to say you'd prefer to go out, which by the sound of it you would!

Balaclava1000 · 18/10/2024 10:45

He sounds well dodgy

The13thFairy · 18/10/2024 10:43

He's hoping for a shag and child care.

THisbackwithavengeance · 18/10/2024 10:34

I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone - winky face or no winky face - that has 8 month twins and is single. Why is he not with the mother of his babies? Shows he's likely flaky, non committal, has bad judgement and is careless with contraception.

Too much hard work.

But then I'm old.

Iloveshihtzus · 18/10/2024 10:33

Oh please OP, just block him and move on. With every post he sounds worse.

Original poster
Fe13 · 18/10/2024 10:30

He has just messaged saying he’s got the babies today and he is saying how hard it is with two and how ‘people with one baby have it easy!’

OP posts:
JMSA · 18/10/2024 10:18

And poor babies, they should have a fixed residence while so young.

pinkdelight · 18/10/2024 10:17

I'd have no interest in a single dad of baby twins. Childcare and sex would be my first thoughts of what he's really looking for. You already tried this one without the baggage of babies. Maturing doesn't really come into it.

JMSA · 18/10/2024 10:17

8 month old twins??

Forget your love life, mate, and focus on your kids (would be my advice to him).

MakingPlans2025 · 18/10/2024 10:14

Winky face would put me off! Sounds like he wants a shag.

toomuchfaff · 18/10/2024 09:58

This would make me run for the hills personally. The lack of anticipated effort could be as a forethought to easy; easier for childcare, easier for the purse, easier for the overall effort; but start as it means to go on and that lack of effort could bleed into everything about the relationship.

Twins at 8 month, the ex is going to have a huge input to his life especially concering anything to do with the children, the children are going to be a huge consideration in his life (as they should).

I mean unless you just want a quick shag, and nothing more, if that's the case - get it on but otherwise stay right away.

HollyKnight · 18/10/2024 09:55

Missing the point but who on earth thought it would be good and healthy for babies to have a 50/50 arrangement at that age??

TerfTalking · 18/10/2024 09:49

Yup, he thought who do I know where I might not have to put the graft in and who is good with young kids.

If you had been right for each other it would have happened 5-6 years ago and you would likely be the mother of his children.

it wasn’t then and definitely isn’t now. Your ick is valid.

Hollietree · 18/10/2024 09:45

Nah.

Already split from mother of 8 month olds 🚩

Cant even be arsed to suggest a proper date 🚩

I would say 99% likelihood that he is looking for a shag. With the potential that you might also help him look after the twin babies.

If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt - suggest that you only want to date away from your homes, as you want to keep children and relationships very separate. You are uncomfortable with dates being in your child’s home until it is clear that it’s going to be a long-term relationship. Suggest going for a coffee/lunch during the daytime, when you are both child free. See what his reaction is like.

Cattery · 18/10/2024 09:45

Don’t go back over old ground with anyone. Whatever put you off last time will put you off this time x

5128gap · 18/10/2024 09:44

You dated him and it 'went sour'. He has been unable to sustain a relationship where he fathered twins beyond their babyhood and he has made it clear he wants to meet up for sex. There would need to be a severe shortage of men and I'd need to want one very badly to consider him an option.

Sailonsilverrgirl · 18/10/2024 09:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CheekySwan · 18/10/2024 09:40

I had a brief relationship with this guy once, didn't work out, both had things going on in our lives

He and I both went on to have children with other people and relationship breakdown

We got back together 4 years after our first relationship and we have been together 11 years, love the bones of him

I would go for a meal and a catch up before you have him coming round your house just to see if there is anything there, make sure the reasons you didn't stay together last time are not still on the table - but from experience, yeah go for it

Mudflaps · 18/10/2024 09:40

Red flag, red alert. He's ran through his past relations for someone who fits in what he wants, it's an easy route to a childminder who will also provide sex and hopefully without having to do any dating. Who minds the twins when he's working?

Tel12 · 18/10/2024 09:39

He's looking for a hook up with out the hassle of dating. You ended it for a reason.

Bestyearever2024 · 18/10/2024 09:39

and he turned a bit sour

In my experience, unless they've done some work on themselves (most don't!), the moody, petty, childish idiots remain moody, petty and childish, also idiotic 😊

Bear this in mind, should you decide to go on a date and then bin him again

PS...I wouldn't invite him into my home right now, til I know more