Work Issue - Should I make a formal complaint?

Oh sorry I missed that! Sorry OP! Gosh I’m such an idiot sometimes. X

We are having a similar problem at our work and the person bullying another person had them sacked for raising a vexatious grievance (I’m not sure if I spelt that right!)

They have remained in their job with a horrible attitude and it has been really difficult to quantify their bullying / tone as it’s usually verbal.

So definitely make sure you have it all backed up and lots of evidence.

TBH, and providing you are at equal levels I would ask HR to facilitate a mediation meeting between you both. You want the work situation to improve and be able to work with her without her accusing you of been aggressive etc. Sometimes it's better to say 'this is how your making me feel and I'm finding it difficult to work with you, I'd like to find a way forward'

I would refuse to work with her like the other people have. If that is not possible I would record all teams calls. Hopefully she is on a probation period and won't be with you to much longer.

You asked if you have blown things out of proportion due to your own trauma.
That would be a resounding yes from me. Sorry OP, but you did ask and that is my honest opinion.

HR professional that has overseen thousands of grievances here.

They hardly ever find 100% in favour of the complainant, and they absolutely destroy relationships. Think carefully whether this is the best way to deal with this.

Your manager should be able to escalate this with her, and have a very frank conversation about acceptable behaviours and the consequences if she doesn’t sort herself (ie disciplinary action).

Mediation may sort out your future relationship with her, but unless someone tackles the root cause, this is just going to keep happening.

can you get your company to record all future teams calls? (be careful with Data Protection rules)

And can you arrange it so that you are never in a 1on1 situation with her again?
Is your diagnosis of PTSD covered under any employment law that obliges your company to make reasonable adjustments and would you be comfortable asking anyway, even if that is not the case.

Good luck.

She is still within her first year, so I'm surprised she hasn't been removed already. Meet with HR and Line Manager to explain you are unable to work with her any longer due to her aggressive attitude on calls, so can they please handle reassignments.be led by them as to how they would like any grievance to be raised, I would expect HR to have a clear view (because they will use it to exit her). You do not need to make excuses for her as being in any way related to your own trauma, only that you find her to be aggressive so for your own mental health you are unable to work with her.

Your history sounds awful and I am sorry to hear this.

If you put in a grievance my question would be what would you like the outcome to be? HR may also ask you to work it out with your manager or go to mediation.

They won’t fire someone for this behaviour and unfortunately she may feel the same about you and then you are in a long winded stressful grievance process which almost always comes to nothing.

Speak to your manager and ask for advise on how to handle in future. They then know the issue and can support you going forward. HR can’t do anything really but listen and they will
always make her manager speak to her. Good luck.

Do NOT confront her even professionally as she will accuse you of bullying.
Report her to HR and make it official.
Any team meetings ask for them to be recorded.

I'd make a complaint. If you let it slide, she'll just do it more and more.

Have you read OP's previous messages? Flashbacks can be caused by triggers, and she's clearly come up against one with this woman's actions.

I can answer you personally and honestly OP. Would I personally formally raise that one incident, working in a big company? No, I probably wouldn’t. But I work in an environment where I’ve had to learn to develop a thick skin over many years, and I’ve had several attempts to “bully” me by various people, which I’ve shut down very quickly.

I’ve also had years of therapy for CPTSD. My defensive reaction is to return by shutting the aggressor down - your reaction is to shut down in fear. That’s okay and not your fault.

Your employer has a duty of care which means taking you as they find you, PTSD and all. It could be a legal disability, and there’s a known difficult employee aggravating that. So asking them to take steps to stop it is completely acceptable.

You should make an official complaint.

Especially because this woman it seems has done this in the past and already had to be spoken to by management. Really it is their job to make sure she stops doing this or is managed out if she continues to be a problem...

'@Stressedpatches · Today 08:03
You need to protect yourself.
I think calling it PTSD is a bit much though…'

Of course the OP can call this PTSD. She has suffered a dreadful physical assault in the past which likely came with sustained verbal abuse and undermining before that. So someone randomly being aggressive is bringing back these memories and triggering the OP. That's PTSD.

@Errors

''Yes, I think you are. I mean, she doesn’t sound like a nice woman at all, and I’m not saying that you definitely shouldn’t make a complaint- if it were me, I would confront her first though (in a professional manner of course) before making a complaint.''

Nope. It is not the OP's job to confront this woman, especially because she has already been spoken to about her behaviour. The OP needs to complain and let management/HR handle it. They need to be aware that this employee is continue to cause issues.

Do you have to work with her?

Can you speak to your boss about not having any more contact going forward? Or offloading the contact with her to your boss due to her behaviour which they have admitted they know about.

Before you put in a grievance, you need to decide what you want to achieve by doing so - what do you want the outcome of the grievance to be? Be honest with yourself about that and ask yourself if it’s realistic, and how you will feel if you don’t get that. I’m not discouraging you, sounds like grievance territory, but I’d definitely think about those points first.

I think you should put a formal complaint in against this person. As you've been told you are not the only one she has done this too. Is she a senior to you?

Surely PTSD is referring to the flashbacks to previous trauma that the OP is now having, the trigger being the work colleague’s behaviour?

The reason I'm hesitating is, am I blowing things out of proportion due to my own trauma?

Yes, I think you are. I mean, she doesn’t sound like a nice woman at all, and I’m not saying that you definitely shouldn’t make a complaint- if it were me, I would confront her first though (in a professional manner of course) before making a complaint.

Have you ever had your spine fractured by a partner?

…not great behaviour from your line manager there, he should not be discussing other staff members with you like that.

One thing you need to remember about a grievance (and I say this as someone who investigates these things), it’s a two way process. There will look at both of your behaviours, investigated both sides, and make a judgement - it may not be the judgment you are expecting or looking for.

Start with “what is the outcome you want” ? from reading what you have put, even if you are 100% accurate, it’s not a sackable offence.. so they won’t be leaving the organisation.

What is the outcome you want ?

No it isn't @Stressedpatches .
Put a grievance in and ask for mediation. She doesn't know your background and you don't know her's, so whilst we are a assuming she's a drama queen, she could well be struggling with her own issues, and might have found the meeting just as triggering.

How is your line manager? Could you have an informal chat with them first and get an ‘external’ view. The reason I suggest this is simply because you know you are triggered at the moment and going to HR might make you even more stressed. I speak as someone who has had a similar situation this year and I’ve had to do what I needed to keep going, rather than what others might consider the ‘right’ thing to do. For me, that was being very honest with my extremely supportive manager who helped me set boundaries and behaviours with the challenging person.

PTSD is an absolute shitshow and I’m sorry you are struggling with it right now.