Work Issue - Should I make a formal complaint?

PS - If you need to discuss this further with HR or your line manager you could start by pointing out that the colleague’s terminating the call meant that the issue you were supposed to be discussing did not get dealt with therefore she is impeding progress and effectiveness.

Edited for typos!

I am so sorry to hear about your past trauma and that you now have this awful colleague. I’ve had some bosses and colleagues from hell over the years myself.
It sounds to me as though, PTSD or no PTSD, you were perfectly justified in being very distressed by her behaviour and she behaved unprofessionally and was totally out of order.
If you have been told that several other people have already refused to work with her it wouldn’t be surprising if she failed her probation if she’s still on that or got dismissed under the two year rule.
However it is good that HR and your manager seem supportive and definitely start the griveance procedure

This is such a healthy approach. Take responsibility for your parts and deal with them but hand her parts right back to her because they don't belong to you and are not yours to accept. Trauma healing is a journey OP, remember just as we learned behaviours and patterns in response to abuse and ill treatment we can also unlearn them and learn healthy behaviours in response to nurture, care, reflection and respect and you don't need anyone else to give you those, you can give them to yourself.

Are you still seeing the counsellor? I would concentrate on myself first and get the anxiety and PTSD symptoms under control. Even if you make a complaint that won't help your symptoms. It might make them even worse.

@SkylarkKitten in a situation like this, consider the wise words of Maya Angelou and apply them to this bullying colleague. She was playing a power game with you and silencing your voice:

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
but people will never forget how you made them feel

I think you're definitely right to seek support op. It's no good wondering about how a person without ptsd would feel in your shoes because you're a person with ptsd and you're not weak or silly for having a different reaction than someone without ptsd would have. I suspect your ptsd would qualify you as disabled under the relevant workplace legislation so i would ask to be referred to occupational health.

I would also really, strongly encourage you to seek some trauma based therapy such as EMDR. I had ptsd and it was like walking around with my nerves exposed and people might trigger me at any moment - it was hell on earth living with ptsd. EMDR has made it manageable - I'll never be completely cured, but they are just thoughts and memories now instead of all encompassing flashbacks where i was back in the moment. It's hard to do emdr but it's harder still to live with ptsd.

Then, yes, make an official complaint.
Best of luck, she sounds like a godawful nightmare.

Can you record the calls and then you have evidence of each of your tones. When a grievance is put in HR then can make their own minds up.

I'd suggest colleagues do this too.

Obviously you need her permission but sell it as you want to record it so you can work on your communication with her as it obviously bothers her.

But no - I don't think you're doing anything wrong. And I'm so sorry this is bringing back memories - she's the one who sounds like a bully.

She may have issues but that isn't an excuse for upsetting everyone which she sounds like she is doing.

Accusing people and hanging up on them is not professional.

Absolutely do complain. A women at my work bullied me so badly it was giving me PTSD flashbacks of being horribly abused by an ex. I was too scared to say anything as I thought she gets me sacked. Finally she was disciplined after the HR lady overheard her screaming at me again for no reason. Please don't delay. Complain now and they will almost certainly have to keep her away from you at the very least.

Without being there it's difficult to say if your actions could have been aggressive. So I'd say to your manager look things are a bit heated so you want a 3rd person on the calls or you want permission to record it.

I'm not sure why my polite message deserved such a degree sarcasm, it was only a suggestion. I am sorry you are having a bad day.
But I agree, we have had shit HR teams before too. Critical and useless.

Luckily we now have great HR support that will indeed join meetings for mediation if they think there is a need. They don't do it all the time, but for someone with additional needs due to a health condition they probably would.

Since OP mentioned HR has been helpful and supportive so far, I was hoping she could have similar support.

And as OP herself pointed out to you, this was not an operational meeting. It was HR related.

I understand that you are upset, and possibly not able to see things rationally, but why would anyone start a conversation with, 'Let me FINISH. I'm speaking'?

I'm not picking holes - just suggesting that if your complaint is as factual and without nuance as it can be, you're likely to get further with it.

Yes! HR teams around the country are literally spinning in their chairs waiting for tasks like this. Not only do we have no actual HR work to do, but we live overstepping all boundaries like this. 👏

[/sarcasm]

We don’t join operational meetings as referees. Managers are paid to manage. If anyone needs to sit in, it should be them. Mediation is a specific thing.

We are not the organisational police, nor are we judges.

Going against the flow here, but I wouldn't put a grievance against your coworker. If you think the main cause of your reaction/feelings is PTSD, then I think it is a "you" issue.

I am in no way saying that what she is doing is right and shouldn't be addressed. And I would absolutely recommend that you speak to HR, but I would place it as "I need support with that situation because of X affecting me".
Ideally they would then join the calls with the colleague as mediation, and it will resolve your problem by either putting a stop to her behaviours, or she will continue in front of them and they will be able to judge whether she is unreasonable or not.

Put a formal complaint in about the person's behaviour.

But if you do have to have any further Teams calls with her, have you phone next to you and record the conversation too.

All the best

Unless there’s a complaint being investigated, HR can’t do anything with those emails. And it wouldn’t be them deciding what was reasonable and what wasn’t.

It's great to have this external validation OP but you should trust your internal sense, you've come through so much and been responsible and resilient about working on yourself and your choices, your sense here is she's wronged you, other people's thoughts support this but do this for yourself and the strong person with a voice you've become. It doesn't matter if the grievance is upheld or proven or whatever, what matters here is your self worth and your instincts to defend yourself and speak out, it's still a journey and takes time to have confidence with our new skills as we heal from trauma and discover our strengths but yours is bursting to get out here I think, you CAN do this and you DO deserve to call her out and NOT accept her poor treatment

Very hard to answer without seeing the tone of the emails. Your 20 years experience should count but I would approach this cautiously. if the emails are clearly out of line, yes raise it now. If they are just sharp and you have no other evidence, she may well be given the benefit of the doubt. If you can have someone independent read them, do.

If it were me I would keep all email communications, continually responding only about work issues in a calm manner. I would record any and all future teams calls with her so if she behaves that way again there is evidence.

Who is your line manager and are they good? Rather than make it a HR issue, say you are struggling with their communication style and ask for advice on how to handle it. In my company words would be had which can be effective

I said I my company. In my company, as long as you get the permission of those taking part then we can record everything. But we can't share externally. And Teams tells you by continuing you are giving agreement.