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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To begrudge her perfect little life

738 replies

Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:25

I’m struggling to articulate this but I have a friend who I actually really like as a person but can’t help begrudge her life sometimes.

we went to school together and she was a high flying achiever. Type A person who was never in trouble but pushed boundaries if she thought teachers were wrong or there was an injustice etc. She was a workaholic and wanted to focus on her career with no time for boys, alcohol and ‘distractions’ like that.

we lost touch for a few years and got back in touch recently and I feel I don’t know, demoralised maybe, because of how her life has turned out.

when we met up again she told me she’d met someone (I was happy for her because I knew she had been in an abusive relationship for a while) and was happy. She then goes on to show me pictures of his proposal (think movie style every girl’s dream rose petals and swan towels) and says they’ve booked their wedding. Again all good.

she THEN proceeds to tell me shes 16 weeks pregnant and her and her fiancée had bought a house. I without thinking asked how can you afford all this…of course miss workaholic accelerated in her finance role.

since we’ve gotten closer she’s had her wedding and just so happened that her husband has made friends with my friends through a hobby. They all went out recently (as in all the men), including my own boyfriend. They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had). Apparently her husband talked about her the whole night, didn’t drink alcohol and went home early because he missed her.

just tonight she text me to tell me she’s expecting another baby and how she would love to meet for lunch. She’s a lovely woman and she has a heart of gold and she should obviously be so proud of herself but for fuck sake I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes. Aibu?

edited to say: she’s stunning by the way. She was always attractive in school but when I saw her again she looked like a real elegant type of stunning. I’m not bad myself but again I just feel a bit bleugh when I’m with her.

OP posts:
MyFairMintCat · 18/10/2024 16:43

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 16:37

Where’s your sense of romance!

Where's your sense of beauty???
Although... I did come home to DH having written ' I ❤️ u' on the bed with all the laundry he'd done once...

ntmdino · 18/10/2024 16:43

To be honest, OP, it sounds more like you're envious over her choices (eg to work hard at school, while it sounds from your words like you chose otherwise) - and, more to the point, regretting some of your own.

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 16:37

MyFairMintCat · 18/10/2024 16:36

It would fall apart unless sewn.
Now if a man did make me a swan with moving parts, robotics etc...mmm.
Some of us have high standards

Where’s your sense of romance!

MyFairMintCat · 18/10/2024 16:36

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 16:32

But try to imagine the swan towels, strung from the rafters. Billowing elegantly in the breeze. Glorious.

You can keep your paper swans.

It would fall apart unless sewn.
Now if a man did make me a swan with moving parts, robotics etc...mmm.
Some of us have high standards

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 18/10/2024 16:35

The rot set in when human beings became capable of capturing moments for posterity. There would be no FOMO if seeing swan towels and rose petals meant you were directly experiencing them.

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 16:34

Applemayjune · 18/10/2024 16:33

How do you make a swan towel by the way.

I presume that you need a long thin towel.

Edited

You take a swan and wrap it in a big bath towel. Fold in the sections tight enough to stop any unwanted movement.

Applemayjune · 18/10/2024 16:33

How do you make a swan towel by the way.

I presume that you need a long thin towel.

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 16:32

MyFairMintCat · 18/10/2024 16:01

Where on earth did he get 'hundreds' of towels from? What happened to the towels after? Imagining all the washing and re-folding to put away.

No I wouldn't be impressed unless he did it all.

I love a thoughtful guy and the dream proposal (involving effort) is a sign of that... But swan towels? Hrmmm.

Would be impressed by origami swans though. You can hang them up after. Bit hard to do that with towels

Edited

But try to imagine the swan towels, strung from the rafters. Billowing elegantly in the breeze. Glorious.

You can keep your paper swans.

Bellyblueboy · 18/10/2024 16:31

I can’t believe you asked her how she can afford her life! I would have backed away from you then and there.

DramaLlamaBangBang · 18/10/2024 16:16

I'm curious now how pictures of the proposal turned up on Instagram. Surely it was the 2 of them in a hotel room? Who took the photo? Or was it the aftermath, so basically they were on holiday, she took a selfie and a made up bed with Swan towels were in the background? Presumably it would have been worse if there had been evidence of vigorous post proposal sex with the swan towels and 40 cushions flung around the room, crumpled sheets and both of them flushed and semi naked?

BunnyLake · 18/10/2024 16:07

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2024 15:54

@BunnyLake

I don’t think there’s any need to lay into the friend’s husband. As far as I can make out OP’s friend is very happy with him, swan towels or not, so why have a go at him?

Its a fair cop. I’m not having a go at him really and each to their own I just found it ridiculous that “swan towels” (which are in every mid market hotel in every service station everywhere) are being held up as the zenith of luxury and exclusivity.

(I would have kept my snobbery under wraps if the OP hadn’t embarrassed herself in other areas.)

Only by the OP, not by her friend’s husband, who may well think they’re naff too as I’m assuming he didn’t actually do the towel origami himself 😁

MyFairMintCat · 18/10/2024 16:07

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2024 16:03

Not vilifying him for dodgy taste but by the same token it’s hardly a sign of his impeccable taste and distinction!

I'm at the age where my Instagram is filled proposals... Never once have I seen a swan towel.
Rose petals definitely but not this.
I googled 'swan towel proposal' also nothing
It's like you said just a hotel thing.

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2024 16:04

guccibag · 18/10/2024 15:55

@Thepeopleversuswork

Can I just say I am loving your turn of phrase! "festival of resentment" and "orgy of spite and envy" - superb 😂

Thank you sorry I need to calm down 😀

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2024 16:03

TheaBrandt · 18/10/2024 16:02

The swan towels were probably just there unlikely he sourced them separately so seems about harsh to vilify him for dodgy taste!

Agree op sounds mean. Personally I don’t get jealous except once in throes of sleep deprivation when other peoples babies slept at night and mine didn’t.

Not vilifying him for dodgy taste but by the same token it’s hardly a sign of his impeccable taste and distinction!

OrangeGreens · 18/10/2024 16:03

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 15:48

Don’t be like that. My husband filled the room with swan towels when he proposed to me. Hundreds of them, all different colours and sizes 💖

One of the very few times I have genuinely chuckled at a MN post

TheaBrandt · 18/10/2024 16:02

The swan towels were probably just there unlikely he sourced them separately so seems about harsh to vilify him for dodgy taste!

Agree op sounds mean. Personally I don’t get jealous except once in throes of sleep deprivation when other peoples babies slept at night and mine didn’t.

MyFairMintCat · 18/10/2024 16:01

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 15:52

I was just joking. I was amused by the swan towels.

Have you even seen a towel pirate? They are really cool, especially if they come with free gold chocolate coins 😋

Where on earth did he get 'hundreds' of towels from? What happened to the towels after? Imagining all the washing and re-folding to put away.

No I wouldn't be impressed unless he did it all.

I love a thoughtful guy and the dream proposal (involving effort) is a sign of that... But swan towels? Hrmmm.

Would be impressed by origami swans though. You can hang them up after. Bit hard to do that with towels

tolerable · 18/10/2024 15:59

yabu -you have no business "begrudge"her anything If you dont want involved,walk away. bif not be happy for her..YOU are doing this/not her

guccibag · 18/10/2024 15:55

@Thepeopleversuswork

Can I just say I am loving your turn of phrase! "festival of resentment" and "orgy of spite and envy" - superb 😂

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2024 15:54

@BunnyLake

I don’t think there’s any need to lay into the friend’s husband. As far as I can make out OP’s friend is very happy with him, swan towels or not, so why have a go at him?

Its a fair cop. I’m not having a go at him really and each to their own I just found it ridiculous that “swan towels” (which are in every mid market hotel in every service station everywhere) are being held up as the zenith of luxury and exclusivity.

(I would have kept my snobbery under wraps if the OP hadn’t embarrassed herself in other areas.)

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 15:52

Applemayjune · 18/10/2024 15:50

I don't think anyone thinks that swan towels are "amazing" though do they.

They're still just towels, no matter what way they're bent.

I was just joking. I was amused by the swan towels.

Have you even seen a towel pirate? They are really cool, especially if they come with free gold chocolate coins 😋

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 15:50

@Sistafromanothermista

This really doesn’t sound like something to get worked up over.

  1. be happy for her
  2. find what makes you happy

anything else is a waste of time.

Applemayjune · 18/10/2024 15:50

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 15:48

Don’t be like that. My husband filled the room with swan towels when he proposed to me. Hundreds of them, all different colours and sizes 💖

I don't think anyone thinks that swan towels are "amazing" though do they.

They're still just towels, no matter what way they're bent.

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2024 15:49

@wateringcanface

But, it seems that ops post was hopefully part of that process of acknowledging her shortcomings.

We’ll have to agree to disagree here. I don’t see the OP acknowledging her shortcomings I see her trying to recruit other people in festival of resentment about someone she previously thought was beneath her and who she now realises is not.

Flutterbycustard · 18/10/2024 15:48

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:30

YABU for envying someone a proposal that involved “swan towels”.

Don’t be like that. My husband filled the room with swan towels when he proposed to me. Hundreds of them, all different colours and sizes 💖