To begrudge her perfect little life

As a couple of people have said, I think this kind of feeling is more prevalent than people are prepared to admit. On the surface I’ve done well in life, great career, people say I look good, happy marriage and great friends. There are a number of people - family so I can’t block them - who can’t resist tearing me down and are clearly resentful. They think I have an easy life but can’t see I work really hard for everything - I have serious health issues that they minimise and some big problems, insecurities and sadnesses.
Ironically I would admit I’ve struggled with jealousy myself on occasion - most if not all of us have if we are honest - but I made a conscious decision not to indulge it and stuck to that. Jealousy is horrible whether you are the one feeling it or the one on the receiving end - it feels much better to defeat this negative emotion. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’re not automatically vile for this very human feeling, what matters is what you do about it. I suggest you see this as a useful alert that you need to make changes in your own life. Notch up a few achievements, spend your time positively and you’ll have stopped resenting your friend before you even realise.

That’s fucking hideous!

Sounds like she has a normal life by most peoples standards, and she’s worked hard for her career by the sounds of it. I think you need to think about your own life and what’s missing to make you feel so jealous and address whether it’s something you can change.

lack of romance in your own relationship?
family?
career?

As others have said envy helps you identify what you want and can help you take steps to improve your own life- but please remember comparison is the thief of joy. I think distancing yourself might be wise for her sake as much as yours while you work on yourself.

Why not, you obviously feel you're missing out. Be happy in your own life and be happy for your "friend." You know she's not had it easy in previous relationships, be glad she is now.

OP, what do you feel is missing in your own life and what steps can you take to make changes?
No-one's life is perfect, no matter how it appears from outside. I have known people in seemingly perfect jobs who have been utterly miserable; on the brink of exhaustion / breakdown; in relationships which look ideal but where a partner is controlling or unfaithful; who secretly drink far more than they/ their partner should; have a secret gambling addiction, and so on.
Your friend sounds lovely (you say she is) so try to enjoy her company without envy - she obviously enjoys yours and wants to spend time with you, so that in itself should make you feel good about yourself.
Without directly emulating her, take inspiration from her. We tend to make our own luck and perhaps she's great at networking and socialising - maybe you can learn some of these skills from her .
If you enjoy each other's company it would be a shame to let envy poison a lovely friendship.
I hope you can start to see all the positive things you have in your own life - there may be those who envy you.
Perhaps keeping a gratitude journal might help you focus on all your positives and things you might normally take for granted.

I sympathise with your feelings, OP, and they are only human. I’m not getting mean girl vibes, or that you wish your friend bad luck. But YABU.

I have a friend who is the golden girl in many ways and I am genuinely fond of her. But there was a period when I also envied her. That came to an abrupt halt when her DH, a lovely guy, was diagnosed with a brutal cancer in his mid 40s and dead within 3 months.

You never know what life holds.

This!
Your life will feel infinitely better if you can feel happy for your friends. Jealousy is such a useless emotion. You can use your anger to spur yourself on but jealously is such a waste of time and energy. It come from a place of insecurity so use the time and energy you are putting into envying your friend to work on your insecurities and dissatisfaction.

What you’re feeling is completely normal! Envy is a human emotion. What’s really awesome about envy is that it can tell us what we want for ourselves and what we feel we are lacking. So maybe it’s time to ramp it up at work, reassess your relationship, hire a stylist…dare I suggest find a therapist or life coach? You can use your friend for inspiration and motivation, not as a means to make yourself feel bad.

She isn’t the issue. You are. You’re not happy, focus on how to make yourself happy

I think you need to analyse the jealous traits in your nature . I say that as someone who can be jealous myself . But I know it. I recognise it . I also know where it came from. My dad was very ill from when I was 4 and died when I was 6, so I think I missed out on some nurturing then, and it still affects me . Then you need to sort yourself out so you can be a good friend and be happy for others . And a good support in the tough times as well .

I feel sorry for the friend.

She's suffered an abusive relationship at a young age and has at least one friend who is not cheering her on at all (but secretly, nice as pie to her face) but is gazing at her life with resentful eyes - all because that friend is focused on the good things she has and is conveniently ignoring the rest.

In reality if you could be her, or swap lives with her... Would you want to?

You'd have to live through an abusive relationship, won't be able to believe your luck when you manage to escape and someone nice comes along afterwards, maybe took time to be able to trust again.
You'd have to work bloody hard at the things you've achieved, and despite putting your best foot forward and trying to be a good person and do the right thing, people will resent you for it and hope that your partner has wandering eyes when out in a seedy part of town...

Do you want that op?

No one suggested secretly wishing ill on anyone. I was just pointing out that people with perfect seeming lives can have difficulties in life too. Wealth and beauty in no way guarantee happiness, or good luck.

To answer the OP. Your friend sounds like a decent person who works hard. She's just lucky enough to have known what she wanted young and was smart and dedicated enough to get it. She's been a victim of DA, so it's not a perfect life anyway. And life has a habit of going to crap, so just be for her that she has had a decent stretch of happiness.

I know people who have had life I would envy, but are now divorced and had to start again, but are actually happy to no longer have what I thought was their perfect life anymore. A high pressure job, large mortgage, kids and a relationship can really restrict your freedom, and they really enjoyed having their freedom again. I envy childless people sometimes. I'd love to just get on a train or flight and go to a city for a weekend.

It's a bit clichéd and boring. I would find folding a swan into a towel shape much more romantic. At least there is some dedication and danger involved.

Now now, you need to reign in that jealousy 😀😂

Did you see the online comedian Luke hammett do a pisstake of four in a bed.

He walked into a clean bedroom and said "well I'm not staying here, there's a fucking pube on the floor!!!"

Your 'friend' making you feel inadequate isn't really about your 'friend' at all. Its about you. I think you need to do some soul searching OP to find out what you really want yourself and how to make the changes to go about getting inner peace.

Swan towels are so first series of 4 in a Bed.

moaning

Why do I need to wise up ? If your post IS TRUE , then improve your own life and stop morning about someone else’s .

Sounds like you liked her when her life was awful and it made you feel better about yourself. Now that hers has improved it makes you feel worse about yourself.

I'll be doing all my towels as swans, from this day on!

A plain towel is not good enough for me anymore.

😂

Can't you just feel happy for her? Because she is your friend and all? I would probably have had a laugh with my dh e.g. about the swan towel thing, but not in a really bitchy way and would never dream of taking to the internet to slag my friend off when she has done nothing to you.

Haha a swan towel lined path to the bath.

Sure don't we all have one.