To begrudge her perfect little life

She's got obsession and swan towels. You've got a bloke who will spy for you. I like the latter!

No, what makes sense is you are jealous. I once felt this way about a friend who I had not seen for some time and it turned out she has had a lovely life, but she has worked very hard for it. I was irritated by her achievements and happiness but knew it made no sense that I should be irritated: it took a long time to realise I was jealous, I did not realise jealousy could feel like righteous anger. Once I had worked this out I focussed on all she did to get where she is, how her actions did not affect my choices (ie she did not succeed at my expense), and remembered phrases like 'comparison is the thief of joy', I got over it and was glad for her. I focussed on what I had done that I enjoyed in my life even if it had not led to the same outcome as my friend. You need to get a different focus, good luck.

There's not a finite amount of good luck or happiness in the world. Just because she seems to be living a great life doesn't mean you can't do the same. Maybe she's a kind and lovely person who attracts good energy and brings out the best in people. If you want the life you think she has, make it happen. Enjoy what you have.

I’d be thrilled for my friend, personally, but that’s because I actually like my friends and want to see them happy and thriving.

You said it was “every girl’s dream”. Couldn’t be further from the truth.

Imagine what you could do with the energy you wasted trying to catch h her husband engaging in sleazy behaviour.

You know she's come through an abusive relationship and instead of wanting the best for her, you've chosen to immerse yourself into finding something that makes her less than.

With friends like you ☹️☹️

So?? You sound envious, nothing more than that, and I'm sure this woman deserves better friends than you. Checking on what her husband did, or in his case didn't, get up to on a night out is horrible - no doubt you would have been gloating if his behaviour had been otherwise. She and her husband sound lovely - you, not so much. Concentrate on your own life and either be a good friend to her, or back off.

I know a woman who had a movie style proposal. My DH and I saw the engagement ring we liked was on sale so bought it on the spot. I couldn't care less about the difference.

You're obsessed about the wrong thing. I wouldn't be probing your bf on what her husband did on their sleazy night out, I'd be probing your bf on what HE did on a sleazy night out.

Time to focus on your own life, do some introspection to figure out you’re so jealous of her, the universe is sending you a message here: you’re not happy, work on that instead focusing on your friend. She’s clearly making good choices, do the same.

Yes. A bit…sixth form.

Poor woman - she works hard, survived an abusive relationship and finds a happy one, reconnects with someone she thinks is a friend, only for that friend to be catty and patronising about her on Mumsnet.

She deserves better friends than you, OP.

Probing your DP for dirt on her husband on a night out, ffs - what a nasty mindset towards someone you say has a heart of gold.

OP I can guarantee you that she, like all of us, is carrying around her fair share of things she wishes were different. She is quite possibly besieged by inner demons and anxiety about being good enough - many high achieving workaholics spend their lives secretly unhappy and worried. She's almost certainly carrying all sorts of trauma from her abusive relationship. Her husband might outwardly be the posterboy of affection but at home makes things difficult. I certainly don’t hope these things are true, and I'm also not trying to say you should feel better because actually she might feel like crap on the inside. I'm just pointing out that really we see only a fraction of other people's lives, and we are hard-wired to notice the stuff we think we'd like to have. We are less inclined to think about the background nuances and challenges that everyone has,in one form or another. She probably looks at your life and wishes some parts of hers were more like yours. It's just human nature.

It's OK, OP, you can stop feeling envious now because her life clearly isn't perfect. Instead of having friends who are genuinely happy for her now that things finally seem to be working out for her after a very difficult period, she has people like you who she thinks are her friends but secretly resent her happiness.

It's horrible that you are so mean spirited about her. This thread is fairly identifying. It's so sad that she thinks you like her, yet you seem to see her as a frenemy. These issues are yours alone and you could do with working on your self-esteem.

I feel bad for her that she has a friend like you - you say she has a heart of gold and it sounds like she deserves all she has - you’re happy to go out with her and (apparently) share in her joys, then try to find out if her husband is a sleazebag in some
bizarre attempt to make it seems she’s not got a great life 🤔 with friends like you…. Who needs enemies! So what if they are OTT?! How does her relationship affect you?! Honestly OP - think about how you’re behaving, and perhaps create some
distance from her - this can’t be good for her.

*You do not sound

Can't edit.

Kindly, I think you need to recognise this is your problem and nothing to do with her. If she’s been in an abusive relationship are you not just happy that she has found someone who loves her and treats her nicely?

Nobody’s life is perfect but if she has everything she wants and has worked hard to get it, good for her.

Some of the things you have written about her aren’t that nice. That says more about you than it does about her.

You sound very bitter and unhappy with your own circumstances to be voicing these thoughts. Surely a normal secure person would be happy for their friend ?

What is the point of this post?!
you clearly don’t like her so leave her alone so she can spend time with her friends

Yes. It’s a bit…creative writing.

What is a 'little' life you sound like you have serious issues, don't put them on to someone else

You're jealous that is on you

You sound jealous and bitter. You do motions like you would be a good friend to her. Comparison is the thief of joy and you'd be better advised to work on your own happiness rather than begrudging someone else their happiness/life and inwardly (and outwardly on here) mocking proposals, lifestyle etc.

This is not healthy.

If you don’t envy it, what’s its relevance to this story?

I’m thinking the same about your post tbh