To begrudge her perfect little life

If it makes you feel any better, just remember that there are a very large number of people having absolutely fantastic lives, in loving relationships, looking great, feeling great, successful with great families and homes and careers and lots of money.

So far none of these individuals have particularly affected you (I'm assuming) despite the fact that they've always been there and always will. There will always be people like this having a wonderful enviable life. You just don't happen to know them personally.

She's just another one of these people.

None of those people made you feel down like this, did they? Do you regularly drive to the nicest part of town and watch the rich happy families going about their lives? I assume not. So these people don't have any effect on your psyche.

She is another one of those.

And if that doesn't help then just think of how many people might be living in dire circumstances and were they to see you on the street or know about your life, they'd be wishing they had anything even close to it.

"... since we’ve gotten closer she’s had her wedding and just so happened that her husband has made friends with my friends through a hobby. They all went out recently (as in all the men), including my own boyfriend. They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had)...

Asking your boyfriend about your friend's husband isn't just "horrible" - you sound outright weird...

You sound jealous and bitter. She deserves a better friend.

Swan towels and rose petals? No, thank you.
Expecting another child? No, thank you.
What's exactly here to be begrudged?
How weird.
😐

This woman is out of your league. She sounds like a lovely woman who has found love and happiness. You don’t write kindly about her and you need to get a handle on your green-eyed monster.

Envy eats people up. Focus on what you have in your own life and don't worry about anyone else's. Life is unpredictable and you never know what is ahead even for the most 'blessed' people. Be happy for her if you really are her friend and if you can't then step back and leave her to find more real friends.

Nobody who's been abused has a "perfect little life". Get over yourself and get that chip off your shoulder. You're behaving like a nasty, jealous piece of work with regard to her and this bitching about someone who thinks you're a friend is really unpleasant and playground. Is that who you want to be? You won't bring yourself up by putting others down because of your own self esteem problems, OP.

As an adult I try to let these kinds of people inspire and motivate me, rather than make me feel shit. You could write down the key points of envy you have about her life - and then reflect on those areas in your own life and how you could make improvements and changes that are meaningful to you and your situation.

Why are you “obsessing”, to use your phrase, about someone else’s relationship?
Focus on your own.

Be honest, you'd have bloody loved it if you'd found out he was up to no good.
We're all only human. But - and I mean this kindly - you do realise the issue lies with you, not her?

🦢🦢🦢

https://youtube.com/shorts/e29ZYjg0ffY?si=3u56r4U-T0LuvPKb

You sound nasty and if your friend had any sense she’d cut you out, because you clearly don’t like her and don’t want to see her happy. Her life and her happiness should not have bearing on your own. If you’re unhappy with aspect of your life, the only way to change that is by working on it yourself. Not by dragging other people down, especially not if by the sounds of it they had their own share of trauma to deal with. You don’t sound like a good friend at all, maybe start there before slagging her off.

You don't get swan towels in a premier inn. So must be pretty fancy 😂

Awww let her be happy. God love her. If I've learned anything about life it is that things can change in the blink of an eye. Focus on your own happiness . I hope it brings great things for you and continues to bring good things to your friend too. The world is so full of sadness sometimes, let's find and celebrate joy where we can even if it is someone's else's . One person's happiness is not at the expense of another. Try to keep the vibe positive. Good luck.

Nahhh.... OP is fishing for ideas for a movie script...

I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes. Aibu?

I’m afraid YABU to frame it that way op. She’s not in competition with you. You are not in competition with her!

No one’s life is perfect!

I could understand your fascination at being proposed sorrounded by swams, but swam towels? 🤔

Is it because she's married and has children ? I still don't know what your issue is. Apart from the swan to towels and rose petals which is bizarre.

You are not her friend.

There’s nothing special about swan towels, unless they sing before they dry. 😉

OP it’s ok to feel envious of your friends. I think we all do! It’s helpful in understanding what it is about our lives that we are less content with, and what we want to change

But there’s a difference between envy and bitterness, and your post leans heavily to the latter. You can be envious of your friends and still happy for them. You may not mean for your language to be so unkind but it does really read like you resent her in some way.

as they say on Mumsnet, that’s a you problem

Eh?
He just sounds as small minded as she is. Not sure why that’s laudable in any way.

Hoping her husband had cheated, after she'd been in an abusive relationship as well, am gobsmacked tbh. Are you attracted to him or something?

Some women love the Walt Disney proposal, other women like pistachio ice cream and some of us would rather go kayaking instead of having a guy propose surrounded by swam towels. You do what makes you happy and stop focusing on other people’s choices of happiness, horses for courses.

Her life won't be perfect, OP. We all have our demons, it's just that some are more visible from the outside.

I think you should focus on why you are so dissatisfied, and what you can do about that. I bet you wouldn't actually want her life exactly as it is. What would your perfect life look like?