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AIBU?

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Original poster

To begrudge her perfect little life

738 replies

Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:25

I’m struggling to articulate this but I have a friend who I actually really like as a person but can’t help begrudge her life sometimes.

we went to school together and she was a high flying achiever. Type A person who was never in trouble but pushed boundaries if she thought teachers were wrong or there was an injustice etc. She was a workaholic and wanted to focus on her career with no time for boys, alcohol and ‘distractions’ like that.

we lost touch for a few years and got back in touch recently and I feel I don’t know, demoralised maybe, because of how her life has turned out.

when we met up again she told me she’d met someone (I was happy for her because I knew she had been in an abusive relationship for a while) and was happy. She then goes on to show me pictures of his proposal (think movie style every girl’s dream rose petals and swan towels) and says they’ve booked their wedding. Again all good.

she THEN proceeds to tell me shes 16 weeks pregnant and her and her fiancée had bought a house. I without thinking asked how can you afford all this…of course miss workaholic accelerated in her finance role.

since we’ve gotten closer she’s had her wedding and just so happened that her husband has made friends with my friends through a hobby. They all went out recently (as in all the men), including my own boyfriend. They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had). Apparently her husband talked about her the whole night, didn’t drink alcohol and went home early because he missed her.

just tonight she text me to tell me she’s expecting another baby and how she would love to meet for lunch. She’s a lovely woman and she has a heart of gold and she should obviously be so proud of herself but for fuck sake I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes. Aibu?

edited to say: she’s stunning by the way. She was always attractive in school but when I saw her again she looked like a real elegant type of stunning. I’m not bad myself but again I just feel a bit bleugh when I’m with her.

OP posts:
NashvilleQueen · 18/10/2024 06:22

She sounds really lovely tbh.

TheBoldHelper · 18/10/2024 06:20

You asked your boyfriend to see if her husband was cheating or flirting with other women, so you could catch a break?

this isn’t about her, it’s about your own unhappiness. Unhappiness, maybe on your financial circumstances, or the fact you’re unmarried, or your career, your looks, maybe all of them.

do both of you a favour, do the decent thing, stop pretending to be her friend,

Pipsquiggle · 18/10/2024 06:20

Comparison is the thief of joy.
Sounds like she's had some shitty times as well and made sacrifices when she was younger.

I have friends who seem to have these insta perfect lives, they are nice people, I am happy for them. Not sure why you wouldn't want decent, hardworking people to be happy in their lives.

Try to work out the root of your jealousy and make changes in your own life that you can control

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 18/10/2024 06:16

The relevant saying in this case is - comparison is the thief of joy. And the comparison you are making is a distorted one. You are downplaying certain aspects. She was in an abusive relationship. At school she felt she had to perform to the highest level and then she felt she had to continue this in her working life.

Do not hanker after the apparently perfect life of your friend. It's a mirage.
But if you do want that origami swan -

www.wikihow.com/Fold-a-Towel-Swan

Duckies · 18/10/2024 06:16

She literally escaped an abusive relationship.

And she now has some money and a nice husband.

You need to sort yourself out.

Diomi · 18/10/2024 06:16

You sound dissatisfied with your life and your partner. Until you do something about that, you will be jealous of other people.

WonderingWanda · 18/10/2024 06:14

Op it's normal to feel a little envious of other people. It sounds like you are quite fixated on what sounds like quite a normal life this woman is leading. You mention several times that she worked hard, didn't have time for boys, doesn't drink etc and this has all led to her success. Can you reflect honestly on your own life? Do you feel that you've worked just as hard or do you secretly wish you'd worked a bit harder. Do you feel as successful or have things not gone that way for you? Do you feel loved by your boyfriend? Do you feel madly in love with him? Or is this highlighting some flaws in your relationship. Jealousy is always at its worst when we feel dissatisfied with our own lives. Figure out how to improve your and be happy for your friend.

leafybrew · 18/10/2024 06:06

WhatWouldHopperDo · 18/10/2024 00:37

Kindly, I think you need to recognise this is your problem and nothing to do with her. If she’s been in an abusive relationship are you not just happy that she has found someone who loves her and treats her nicely?

Nobody’s life is perfect but if she has everything she wants and has worked hard to get it, good for her.

Some of the things you have written about her aren’t that nice. That says more about you than it does about her.

This OP

Plus - learn how to use capital letters.

Your OP reads like a very bitchy stream of conciousness.

It seems to really bug you that your 'friend' and her partner don't drink alcohol. Why is that particularly annoying?

malificent7 · 18/10/2024 05:45

But this thread does confirm my belief that women can be very competetive and are often pissed off if you seem to be doing better. Some of my " friends" have even tried to sabotage me in the past.
I have had some women thrilled for me when I do well...but not too well.

malificent7 · 18/10/2024 05:40

Oh come on op....give her a break. Focus on your own life instead...im sure your dh loves you.

Firestace · 18/10/2024 05:30

Is she really a friend? I certainly know people as acquaintances who I inwardly roll my eyes at as they appear to outwardly have perfect lives and it's a bit grating; but my friends, people I love and chose to spend time with because I actually like, I'm over the moon for when they're happy and have good things happen.

Lbet · 18/10/2024 05:29

Lavender14 · 18/10/2024 00:32

Ah op it's just that saying comparison is the thief of joy, isn't it.

What you're seeing right now is a good period in her life. But it's not always been like that clearly and it may not always be like that.

Some people are perhaps luckier or more privileged in life, but everyone has their ups and downs and I'm sure she's had periods where she's looked at your life and envied where you've been in life. Especially if she's been in and then escaped from an abusive relationship.

None of us know what's around the corner, you could win the lottery tomorrow and something awful could happen in her life you just never know. So personally I'd be trying to focus on your own joy and success without comparing. Be happy for her that life is good for her right now but don't feel like it takes anything away from you at all. Envying her isn't going to do you any favours as you'll just be focusing on all the wrong things. If there are elements of your life that you wish you had and its within your ability to change those things, then make a plan to do that and address it head on. If its not within your ability to change then work on accepting it and focusing on the other things that bring you joy.

Noone really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

This is a very good reply and exactly what i was thinking when i was reading the op post.
No ones life is perfect and if anyone belueves it is then you are do wrong.

Purpleroseofbiro · 18/10/2024 05:23

The OP is weird, feels made up.

LBFseBrom · 18/10/2024 05:19

She just gets on your nerves a bit. That happens with the best of friends, and with relatives, sometimes. You don't see her all the time so shouldn't be a problem. For goodness sakes, don't resent her. She is happy, be glad! It may not last but it's great for her right now and she deserves it. Are you not happy?

TheaBrandt · 18/10/2024 05:10

Witnessed this amongst a few mums of my acquaintance about teen Dd. She’s genuinely beautiful and popular (not just mum goggles she really is my other Dd is normal) and I can see most of my friends are very fond of her and wish her well but there are a few I can see it just eats them up inside.

CameronStrike · 18/10/2024 04:58

You sound bitter, jealous and horrible. She had an abusive relationship and you begrudge her a loving one. Leave your partner and find a new one if your relationship is dull but envying other people to this extent is nasty.

daisychain01 · 18/10/2024 04:34

We all have someone who we envy.

lazy generalisation. You've never met me and you have no way of knowing if I even know anyone to be envious of. Newsflash, I don't.

back to the OP

To begrudge her perfect little life

deeply unpleasant

pinkgrevillea · 18/10/2024 04:30

You're jealous. She is living her life and has clearly found some happiness and you're hating her for it. This is so much your problem and your issue that it's not even worth commenting on whether her wedding proposal was OTT or not.

You could spend the next however long hating on her, making snide comments and being a frenemy to this woman, OR you could work out what exactly it is that is making you so jealous, what quality she has that you want in yourself (which is always the heart of jealousy) and put your energy into that rather than avoiding it through fuming at the poor woman.

Up to you really.

daisychain01 · 18/10/2024 04:30

You sound petty and small-minded. Oh and tedious.

but for fuck sake I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes

"Catch a break" ?? what does this even mean?

there are holes in your story that don't add up, but I can't be bothered to list them #uninvested

all the best

MidnightMusing5 · 18/10/2024 04:22

People only tell you what they want you to know..

MrsMorrisey · 18/10/2024 04:03

Bloody hell what is your problem??
You sound awful. You may be thinking it's great that you're honest but I'd be working on why you are so jealous.
We all get our own lives, she's just living hers.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 18/10/2024 04:00

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:30

YABU for envying someone a proposal that involved “swan towels”.

I thought that too. Never ever dreamed of Swan towel proposals. I'd be thinking um ok, lucky I love you because that really is a bit much.

Edingril · 18/10/2024 03:57

GrumpOlympics · 18/10/2024 03:49

This. OP sounds like a massive bitch.

Show quote history

I can't put my finger on it but there seems to be a section of society who seem to have reached 4th form and stayed that way no matter how many birthdays they have had, not sure if it is lack of intelligence, class or what?

GrumpOlympics · 18/10/2024 03:49

Firefly1987 · 18/10/2024 00:57

Hoping her husband had cheated, after she'd been in an abusive relationship as well, am gobsmacked tbh. Are you attracted to him or something?

This. OP sounds like a massive bitch.

InternationalVelveteen · 18/10/2024 03:45

Your posts are thoroughly unpleasant. Why don’t you try being a bit more introspective and work out what you can do to improve your life? There’s no reason for you to slag off this woman who you claim is a friend. If you find it unbearable to be around her because she’s professionally successful and happily married, then do her a favour and distance yourself. Your negativity and cruel attitude towards her are poisonous.