To begrudge her perfect little life

That was a special touch I agree. Swan towels as the height of class and discernment LOL.

I want a proposal involving antimacassars and embroidered tea cosies…

Snorted tea. Genuinely amused by this.

Hang on, judging by the beginning of your post about how she was a hard-working high achiever at school who pushed boundaries if she saw injustice, I thought you were going to say you ‘begrudged’ her the fact that she was the global CEO of Medecins Sans Frontières or something while your job involved banging your head off a wall.

But all this envy is because she got married, via a proposal involving swan towels and rose petals, to a man who didn’t shag a prostitute on a night out and has had two children with him?

Some people do seem to fall in shit and come up smelling of roses, but she's not had it easy at all, you said she was in an abusive relationship previously.

The saying comparison is the thief of joy, springs to mind. Firstly you don't know what goes on behind closed doors and secondly you need to stop comparing your life with hers. Maybe she's just a positive person, glass half full and it's that you are picking I on.

Bahahahahahah

You’re just different- that’s ok!

Don’t compare your lives; they can’t be the same. Try reframing it in your mind so that you’re happy for her. She’s had her shit time, and now things are good. Doesn’t she deserve that?

I wouldn’t want my husband to be ‘obsessed’ with me, and that’s ok. I’m happy with our relationship because we both enjoy the freedom to do our own thing, whilst still loving being a partnership.

This is a YOU issue.

I'm not sure that having been in an abusive relationship is something to envy.

Give yourself a shake and be happy for her.

I actually feel a bit sorry for her, for having a friend like you. OP you are being very unreasonable. Do yourself and her a favour by distancing yourself.

This is your problem. Your envy and resentment seeps through your post and it’s not a good look.

Be a good friend to yourself and to her and take a step back. Listen to yourself and ask yourself if you are being fair or kind.

If you can’t be a friend to this woman without being bitter or spilling a load of personally identifiable stuff about her on the internet you are not in a place to be a friend to her at all. Do the decent adult thing and step away and get some counselling to work out why you feel so triggered by this woman’s success. It may help you become a better version of yourself.

Right, so she had head down bum up, worked hard, has achieved and is now reaping the rewards.

You, in comparison, did not work hard, have not achieved as much and, accordingly, don’t have as many rewards.

And, you were hoping her DH would be ‘caught out’ playing up so you could be somehow better than her.

Maybe put your back into working hard and getting ahead and then you will be on ‘even footing’ and won’t have to bitch about someone who has done this.

Indeed

OP, you sound very jealous.

Maybe look at your own life and figure out what is so wrong with it that makes you envy this woman’s?

The story of someone’s proposal wouldn’t hit my radar and the stuff about her partner wanting to leave a sleazy bar early to be with her doesn’t make him a hero - it just means he’s not a sleaze.

I would honestly look at what is going on in your own life that is making you compare to this woman’s.

Hoping that the husband of a friend who escaped an abusive relationship is a bad un is particularly low.

You're not her friend.

I hope she realises that.

Sort what is missing from your own life rather than wishing ill will on someone else's

Over the top in your scarily obsessive negative, jealous mind!

You don’t like this woman. You’ve enlisted your DP to dislike her husband and I suspect you’d use language like “little miss perfect” in real life too with common friends.

If you don’t like her, don’t be a friend but you don’t need to be mean about it.

She sounds absolutely fine by the way and your examples are ridiculous.

I have felt this too. At the time I felt run-ragged juggling a job I didn't like to get to school pick-up in time and mostly feeling like a stressed out mess.

Another mum I was friends with worked 2 mornings a week and was financially secure and independent. I'd see her at pick-up looking totally calm and happy, and just couldn't help but feel envy for her life (mostly because I was pissed off with my own).

Of course I never showed her that. But it is a normal human emotion so don't beat yourself up. Just hide it from her. And remember it may not all be a bed of roses for the friend. In my case, my friend had lost both her parents - hence her financial stability.

You want it.

You just have to clap for her unfortunately, good things will happen for you too eventually but for now you just need to be happy for your friend.

She worked really hard at school, she worked really hard at her career and now she works hard at her relationship.

Can you see the theme here!

Don't be jealous of her. If you want her life then work for it.

I think you are only human to have a twinge of envy about your friend's apparently perfect life but you can make yourself feel very unhappy and turn yourself into a version of yourself you don't want to be by becoming obsessive about it.

No, I don't think you should try to emulate her and see her as a role model instead. Making her the focus of your thoughts, even in a positive way, can flip into feelings of dissatisfaction too easily. Make plans for yourself and your own life, unrelated to what your friend is up to. Simply put, pursue some of your own dreams and be the best version of yourself.

To be honest, I think feeling like this is far, far more common than people like to admit. I have done materially “better” than all my friends and family and have what looks (to the outside anyway!’) the kind of life you describe your friend has. A lot of friends and family, in fact I would go so far as to say the majority, are not happy for me. Oh, they say they are, but it shows in sly comments that they can’t quite hold in. “Why on earth would you need x amount of bedrooms? What a waste” or they will ask how much I paid for something and I never say but they will say “oh that must have been more than x amount, I’d never waste my money on that”. One “friend” even came on to my dh (very obviously, in front of me) It’s not nice but it is always obvious.
It got to the point where I didn’t join in on holiday discussions or when I bought a new car, actually considered keeping my old one to use when I saw them so I didn’t get the digs about it. I didn’t, instead I’ve distanced myself from those people. I have a smaller social circle now but it is people who are genuinely happy for me, not just those who say they are (people who feel the need to say they are, actually never are!)
If she is a good person op you need to have a look at yourself. What you did with her husband was really underhand and spiteful and in the end, only made you feel worse.
Focus on you, not her and if you cannot be genuinely happy for her, end the friendship.

She worked hard through school and her career and has done well. And is marrying someone she loves and vice versa. What exactly winds you up about that? Could you not become a "little miss workaholic" too?

Sounds like she has earned what she's got.

of course miss workaholic accelerated in her finance role.

Ugh. You sound so nasty with comments like this.

Life has ups and downs. The poor woman had an abusive relationship. Bet you didn’t envy her then.

You need to work on your own self-esteem. Or try and work harder to better your life. Hope she doesn’t sense your petty jealousy.

I really don't think you pursuing this friendship further is a good idea. You will find yourself competing and not being very nice to her. If being around her makes you feel bad, don't be around her. It's not fair on her if she thinks you are a genuine friend. It t would be better for you to go off and focus on your own life for the time being.