To begrudge her perfect little life

Excellent advice 👌 This in spades.

You sound jealous, petty and vindictive @Sistafromanothermista . Are you hoping that posters will pile on slagging your friend off?

eurgh

I hope your "friend" cottons on and stays well away from such a toxic person.

I’ve met way more high achieving show offs than that. Wait until you meet school mums. If you don’t want to be around her? Just distance yourself

Rather than envy her life, look at improving yours.

You definitely sound jealous. If it was just a case of not liking their "obsession" you and your partner would have laughed about it amongst yourselves, you wouldn't have started this thread.

Do you want to get married? Buy a house? Have a child? Improve your career? I assume so from what you've written, but it's for you to work out.

I'm sorry @Sistafromanothermista but you sound really immature and dare I say horrible. I am hoping it is just the jealous talking but if a friend of mine said this about me that would be the end of our friendship.

She hasn't achieved anything you couldn't have with the same hard work.

Blaming her for your lack of position is really unfair and will only make you miserable.

If she is truly a friend you want to keep you should be happy for her, not sneering at her.

Your issue is with yourself. So work on that. Sign up to training courses to improve your job etc. If you are jealous of her proposal make sure your boyfriend knows you have expectations of something grand.

But stop being so mean about someone who is meant to be your friend.

There you go. She's only human, after all, OP.

. I can’t decide if I don’t like it or if I want it. Does that make sens

Well, it sounds pretty much a textbook definition of simple jealousy to me. Do you remember the saying about 'comparison being the thief of joy.'

Try being happy for her and remember that nothing she has or does takes anything away from you.

Also, OP well done for articulating how you feel! Not that you should show it to her but expressing your true feelings anonymously here hope it has relieved the pressure. Sounds like you need to move on and keep this woman as a coffee friend.

What a perfect little life, Jane.

You're being pretty mean. They're happy. You need to step away and focus on your own life. She doesn't need you as a friend when you're this resentful.

and went home early because he missed her

I'd be cringing if my DH came home early because he missed me....

Time to do some work on yourself. Make a list of all the things you are good at and what you have achieved. Get out photos where you look good. Do an audit on your relationships, boyfriend, family, friends etc. Make a list of all your achievements at work, academically, travels, difficulties overcome and I am sure that if you look at yourself from outside you may be very pleasantly surprised. Are you and introvert? A bit arty? A bit of a character? This may be triggering your reaction to this woman? To me she sounds thoroughly boring. In my family we call them the 'prosecco people feeling blessed'. Be authentic, wacky, individual etc Why not go out for lunch with this person and just spend your time listening to what she says and how she speaks? Does she ask after you, your job, your hobbies, or does she just go on and on about herself? Big red flag. Get out there and enjoy being you be it taking up knitting or climbing a mountain. What floats your boat? I think you are trying to fit yourself into a life which is just not you. Good luck and happy travels.

Hello. I think the bottom line here is you are feeling jealous. It’s not a nice feeling but most people feel it as some point about something. But the feeling is telling you that you are not happy with something in your own life and the thing to do now is work out what it is and change it. It sounds like you are conflicted as the way you describe your friend’s circumstances is both as if you are envious of them and also seem to undermine/mock them. Of course her life isn’t perfect, no one’s is and I am sure you know that. I’d suggest focusing less on your friend now and working out what you want in your own life. All the best.

How would it enhance your life if hers was less good? Your focus is in the wrong place.

Your jealousy is never going to make you happy or a nice person. 🤷‍♀️

Well aren't you a bitch? You've obviously never been as good as her in any way I suppose. Not sure why people on this thread are indulging you?

"Miss Workaholic" can obviously afford it because she's worked hard? And to hope her husband had cheated on her is plain nasty. Says a lot about your partner if he hangs around with people who do that though.

It's a tale as old as time - try hard, work hard, get the rewards. You seem to be channelling all your energy on hoping she falls. You'll never get anywhere with a personality like that.

Are you maybe realising that you’ve settled in life, because for some people it really is like that? It sounds like this woman has worked hard for the life she has and been through some tough times; it’s not as if she left school and found herself a sugar daddy (although that still wouldn’t give you the right to be a total bitch about her).

Everyone has shit they've gone through in their lives which they don't always share. She's gone through an abusive relationship as you mentioned. Why are you begrudging that she's found happiness after going through that?

She also must have missed out on a lot of fun times whilst concentrating on her career, so didn't have the fun easy lifestyle most have at the beginning of her adulthood.

You should be pleased for her not envious.

YABU

She’s successful because she chose her career over partying and boys.

She’s in a good relationship because she was in an abusive one and so now has a high bar and won’t settle for just anyone.

If you want her lifestyle, then you need to work harder and get a better career and raise your standards and find a better partner.

Instead of wanting her to have less good luck (most of which she’s actually worked incredibly hard for), why not let it motivate you to do better for yourself.

Someone told me that I had landed on my feet because I had an ok profession at the time (£30k a year).
What they failed to see was that they were only working PT through choice, had a relationship and an easy life.
Whilst I was a homeless teenage, single parent who had to work, study and raise my child alone. I had no social life because I had no babysitter or money. I would work during the day, parent, do housework etc and then study at night, surviving on barely any sleep.
So I didn’t land on my feet, I worked my ass off for years for a better lifestyle.

If you want a better life, then you need to be the one to make the changes.

I have a friend like this. She’s amazing. Top job, beautiful house, brains, beauty, lovely person, and a gorgeous daughter.

Her fiancé bolted when she was pregnant. Not the first man who let her down. Her success is down to herself. I clap for her!

If you can't be happy for your friend when nice things have happened for her, then that suggests you need to look at your own life and how you feel about that, and your own ways of coping and relating to people.

It sounds like your friend has gone through a lot, and that she has also worked hard. You also do not know what she's still dealing with privately, nor do you know what the future might hold for her. Try to be happy for your friend in this moment, when things may be going well for her, and maybe try some counselling to reflect on why your reaction to a friend's happiness is so negative and bitter.

This is such good advice. Thanks.

I feel sorry for you.

You're jealous.

It's no more complicated than that.

You've not said which one of you picked up the friendship after so many years.
My opinion is you need to distance yourself and stop seeing her.

Focus on whatever isn't working right now in your own life.
If you want a house, do you need to get a better job? Gain more qualifications? Change your boyfriend?

What are your own life goals? If you don't have a house now, why not?
If you want a baby, does your boyfriend?

Stop being jealous and focus on creating the sort of life you want.

Her one flaw is she doesn’t know how to pick nice friends