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AIBU?

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Original poster

To begrudge her perfect little life

738 replies

Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:25

I’m struggling to articulate this but I have a friend who I actually really like as a person but can’t help begrudge her life sometimes.

we went to school together and she was a high flying achiever. Type A person who was never in trouble but pushed boundaries if she thought teachers were wrong or there was an injustice etc. She was a workaholic and wanted to focus on her career with no time for boys, alcohol and ‘distractions’ like that.

we lost touch for a few years and got back in touch recently and I feel I don’t know, demoralised maybe, because of how her life has turned out.

when we met up again she told me she’d met someone (I was happy for her because I knew she had been in an abusive relationship for a while) and was happy. She then goes on to show me pictures of his proposal (think movie style every girl’s dream rose petals and swan towels) and says they’ve booked their wedding. Again all good.

she THEN proceeds to tell me shes 16 weeks pregnant and her and her fiancée had bought a house. I without thinking asked how can you afford all this…of course miss workaholic accelerated in her finance role.

since we’ve gotten closer she’s had her wedding and just so happened that her husband has made friends with my friends through a hobby. They all went out recently (as in all the men), including my own boyfriend. They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had). Apparently her husband talked about her the whole night, didn’t drink alcohol and went home early because he missed her.

just tonight she text me to tell me she’s expecting another baby and how she would love to meet for lunch. She’s a lovely woman and she has a heart of gold and she should obviously be so proud of herself but for fuck sake I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes. Aibu?

edited to say: she’s stunning by the way. She was always attractive in school but when I saw her again she looked like a real elegant type of stunning. I’m not bad myself but again I just feel a bit bleugh when I’m with her.

OP posts:
Nikitaspearlearring · 22/10/2024 22:40

Over40Overdating · 22/10/2024 22:34

@BMW6 given her last contribution, I think she’s Samantha Brick!

I was thinking the same thing!

Over40Overdating · 22/10/2024 22:34

@BMW6 given her last contribution, I think she’s Samantha Brick!

greentick · 22/10/2024 22:31

Her life sounds anything but “littie”

BMW6 · 22/10/2024 22:30

Over40Overdating · 22/10/2024 21:09

It’s lucky you’re stunning @NPET because your people skills need some work…

She needs to come down from any pedestal men have put her on, and you need to realise how she's used to being treated.

That has to be one of the most tone deaf contributions to a conversation on here, and that’s saying something.

An abused woman who has worked for everything she has, finally being treated with love and care, is not on a pedestal she needs to be knocked down from so people like OP, with boyfriends who happily have sleazy nights out, or you and your stunningness, can feel better about yourselves.

I know, out of all that the OP posted about her "friend" the one thing that some fool picks up on is the person's "stunning looks" 🙄

And to put the cherry on the cake this fool takes pains to tell us that she's regarded as "stunning" too! Maybe she needs to be knocked off her pedestal............

NPET · 22/10/2024 22:09

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 22/10/2024 19:21

Wow! Talk about blowing one's horn.

There are lots of beautiful women who are good people and vice versa.

To look at a beautiful person and think they need to be come down from any pedestal is akin to OP's thinking.

Jealousy!

Show quote history

Took a while for the critics to come out!
Who's jealous of whom?
Me of the OP, or you of me?

Fancypopop · 22/10/2024 21:55

Over40Overdating · 22/10/2024 21:09

It’s lucky you’re stunning @NPET because your people skills need some work…

She needs to come down from any pedestal men have put her on, and you need to realise how she's used to being treated.

That has to be one of the most tone deaf contributions to a conversation on here, and that’s saying something.

An abused woman who has worked for everything she has, finally being treated with love and care, is not on a pedestal she needs to be knocked down from so people like OP, with boyfriends who happily have sleazy nights out, or you and your stunningness, can feel better about yourselves.

Indeed. What an absolutely vile comment from that poster. Truly nasty.

Twointhehand1 · 22/10/2024 21:23

It’s ok to think ‘wow I want some of that!’ It’s not ok to specifically ask about her husband, hoping to find out some dirt, to make yourself feel better! Jesus.

You've said yourself, since school this woman has worked hard and was a high flyer. I’d never begrudge this type of woman happiness! She’s worked for what she has.

Always remember…..dulling someone else’s sparkle, doesn’t make yours shine brighter.

Work on what you are unhappy about yourself. Don’t try to tear her down.

Over40Overdating · 22/10/2024 21:09

It’s lucky you’re stunning @NPET because your people skills need some work…

She needs to come down from any pedestal men have put her on, and you need to realise how she's used to being treated.

That has to be one of the most tone deaf contributions to a conversation on here, and that’s saying something.

An abused woman who has worked for everything she has, finally being treated with love and care, is not on a pedestal she needs to be knocked down from so people like OP, with boyfriends who happily have sleazy nights out, or you and your stunningness, can feel better about yourselves.

Deejjay · 22/10/2024 20:35

Could ppl be kind in their comments. We are all under such pressure to achieve and have perfect lives. Ppl sneer at those who aren’t doing as well. And many ppl try really hard to improve their lives and go through hard times. So it’s easy to compare and feel lacking. But in reality most of us are ordinary or average (which is not a bad thing).
Just as long as LW isn’t taking it out on her friend. And perhaps it may be a good idea for LW not to see too much of her perfect friend as it doesn’t seem to be doing LW much good.

Abridget7 · 22/10/2024 20:28

You’re jealous.
I’d work on yourself. I expect you’re unhappy with aspects of your own life and are projecting those onto her. Try figuring out the source and how to deal with these toxic thoughts.

Pherian · 22/10/2024 19:58

You sound like a delight.

MrsRaspberry · 22/10/2024 19:53

With a friends like you who needs enemies? You're clearly jealous of her relationship

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 22/10/2024 19:21

NPET · 21/10/2024 17:24

Now, I would never personally call myself "stunning" but apparently I am. And unfortunately, relating to your problem, when you're - well I would just call myself "conventionally pretty" - then you get treated as a princess (by men anyway). Which, unfortunately, rubs off on you, and you grow up thinking that everyone will forever treat you like that. When somebody doesn't treat you as royalty, it's a tough realisation, and I suspect that's part of her (& your) problem. She needs to come down from any pedestal men have put her on, and you need to realise how she's used to being treated.
OK I know you're thinking that's not directly relevant, but I think it is.

Wow! Talk about blowing one's horn.

There are lots of beautiful women who are good people and vice versa.

To look at a beautiful person and think they need to be come down from any pedestal is akin to OP's thinking.

Jealousy!

Noseybookworm · 22/10/2024 19:10

I can't imagine feeling like this about one of my friends. Unfortunately, you do sound jealous and it's an unpleasant trait. You need to look at your dissatisfaction with your own life. Why does her happiness and success make you feel less than? Nobodies life is perfect and I'm sure that she has her own worries and stresses.

whathaveiforgotten · 22/10/2024 15:28

NPET · 21/10/2024 17:24

Now, I would never personally call myself "stunning" but apparently I am. And unfortunately, relating to your problem, when you're - well I would just call myself "conventionally pretty" - then you get treated as a princess (by men anyway). Which, unfortunately, rubs off on you, and you grow up thinking that everyone will forever treat you like that. When somebody doesn't treat you as royalty, it's a tough realisation, and I suspect that's part of her (& your) problem. She needs to come down from any pedestal men have put her on, and you need to realise how she's used to being treated.
OK I know you're thinking that's not directly relevant, but I think it is.

She needs to come down from any pedestal men have put her on, and you need to realise how she's used to being treated.

OP said her friend was previously in an abusive relationship, so don't worry that probably knocked her down a peg or two... (that's sarcasm in case anyone reads it as me meaning it) it's utterly bizarre to suggest someone 'needs to come down' from an imaginary pedestal.

She's now in a lovely relationship with someone who adores her and is herself a lovely person with a heart of gold, according to OP.

independencefreedom · 22/10/2024 14:24

Lbet · 20/10/2024 19:25

Let us not be mean to the poster, she is obviously struggling with dealing with it. That doesn’t mean the poster is a bad person, just needs to learn how to deal with it.
We all have our moments where we don’t handle certain situations well. Some of the replies have been unpleasant to read and must be making the poster feel even worse than she already did.
Members post on here to get things off their chest and reach out to others.
There have been some really good posts giving good advice.
Lets just remember the poster is struggling and although some don’t agree with her behaviour she doesn’t deserve to be attacked over it.

She has admitted she sounds bitchy. If she realises that life isn't a chart of wins and losses it'll be good for her.

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/10/2024 20:50

Comedycook · 20/10/2024 20:12

I don't understand why people are so unpleasant when others admit to feeling envy or jealousy. They are really normal emotions to feel

Fleeting, situational envy is human. A friendship which revolves around one person permanently silently seething with resentment over the other’s hard work and good fortune is not healthy.

It’s your job as an adult to manage these feelings in a way which doesn’t poison the friendship. If you can’t do that (and the OP can’t), you are in the wrong friendship.

Lianne1977 · 21/10/2024 20:40

Just because she has “things” and two children and a husband who adores her doesn’t mean her life is perfect. I have those but also lost my parents at a young age,had 3 miscarriages and subsequently 2 terrifying ptregancies that gave us our children, now we are coping with my husband having cancer. People happily show you the good stuff but very much hide the rest 😪 x

NPET · 21/10/2024 17:24

Now, I would never personally call myself "stunning" but apparently I am. And unfortunately, relating to your problem, when you're - well I would just call myself "conventionally pretty" - then you get treated as a princess (by men anyway). Which, unfortunately, rubs off on you, and you grow up thinking that everyone will forever treat you like that. When somebody doesn't treat you as royalty, it's a tough realisation, and I suspect that's part of her (& your) problem. She needs to come down from any pedestal men have put her on, and you need to realise how she's used to being treated.
OK I know you're thinking that's not directly relevant, but I think it is.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/10/2024 12:39

Jealousy is not an attractive trait.

FergusSingsTheBIues · 21/10/2024 07:47

two of my EXfriends were like this towards me, like I’ve found the holy grail or something whereas all I’ve done is what most people do, as a op said it’s just a fairly normal life progression. If it hasn’t happened for them it’s not my problem. Anyway I ditched the jealous bitches.

Comedycook · 20/10/2024 20:20

woodlandstream · 20/10/2024 20:13

A bit of envy is normal. Spying on someone's partner in the hope of catching them cheating so they can ruin their relationship goes way beyond envy. It's spiteful as heck.

Show quote history

Schadenfreude

woodlandstream · 20/10/2024 20:13

Comedycook · 20/10/2024 20:12

I don't understand why people are so unpleasant when others admit to feeling envy or jealousy. They are really normal emotions to feel

A bit of envy is normal. Spying on someone's partner in the hope of catching them cheating so they can ruin their relationship goes way beyond envy. It's spiteful as heck.

Comedycook · 20/10/2024 20:12

I don't understand why people are so unpleasant when others admit to feeling envy or jealousy. They are really normal emotions to feel

Userxyd · 20/10/2024 20:10

Tbf it does sound like the friend is bragging a bit about stuff all in one hit - to be showing photos of the proposal AND saying she's pregnant AND they've just bought a house AND saying that they're madly obsessed with each other.
I can see it's a bit annoying - esp if she was always the perfect girl at school too. I don't think I'd be jealous though as it seems she's had a shit time too. I'd just be thinking good for her, hope it lasts, there's too much crap out there so enjoy it while you can.