To begrudge her perfect little life

She just sounds like someone who has always worked hard and is doing well in her career. She has now found someone she loves who loves her back, they've bought a house, got married and are having kids. This sounds like 90% of my friends.
It's unusual on MN however (because why would anyone post about their completely ordinary contented life?).

Yes does sound like a windup with the swan towels and more. Either that or the OP spends too much time watching crappy romcoms.

Don’t disagree. Being conscious of this, though will mean the OP will need to acknowledge to herself the grim truth that she is only comfortable befriending people whose lives she feels are objectively on a par with or ‘worse’ than her own, and will need to consider what ‘good’ factors balance “bad ones’?

For instance, will this envied friend’s life become bearable for the OP if her husband does sleep with a prostitute? If their second child has significant disabilities? If she loses her job and they default on the mortgage? If she develops a disfiguring skin disease?

Just how many unfortunate things does the OP need to happen to this blameless woman with her swan towel proposal before she can feel ok about herself?

I think this whole post is just bullshit . Totally fake - they meet up again - “ friend “ 16 weeks pregnant - now expecting again….

Try this for feeling 'envy'. I had friends who had babies all the way through my battle to conceive/failed IVF. Not ONCE did I feel anything but joy for them. Sad on occasions, yes, but envy; no. I accepted it as part of life. One was such a good friend she even offered to carry a baby for me, should that have been my problem (it wasn't). THAT is the definition of friendship-you should try it some time. What an ugly little 'friend' you are.

@5128gap

You need to be a particular sort of person to be friends with someone who you consider to have it all

I actually think there’s another sort of person who is drawn to people who appear to “have it all” (and what a bollocks phrase that is) because they get a weird masochistic kick out of being inferior and envious.

I have seen this dynamic play out a lot: Alpha person who superficially has it all going on with a very Beta hanger on in an unhealthy codependency. Alpha needs the validation of a sidekick and constant ego massage. Beta needs the status bump of being attached to a showstopper but never feels s/he had “earned” it and becomes bitter over time that the perks that accrue to the Alpha pass her by.

I don’t know about the friend: she clearly has her head screwed on, swan towel or otherwise. This OP is the Beta in this situation. It never ends well.

😂

So what if he missed her and wanted to get back to her?

Different relationships for different people. You don't have to find it adorable as some would, but you can be happy she's in a relationship where they suit each other.

I've had it myslef with the "if you don't argue, it's not a healthy relationship" tripe.

If you're happy in your own choice of man, what does it matter what she does with hers?

Envy is a most undesirable trait.

"comparison is the thief of joy" as they say. You'll always find people whose life seems more perfect than yours if you look. You also don't see the challenges being a workaholic with two kids in Finance is hardly an easy life.

I do think the husband one is a big one. Like I love my boyfriend and he loves me but I wouldn’t leave a night out because I missed him or vice versa.

I would hate my husband to leave a night out because he missed me. Suffocating and way too intense. As for the other stuff, there are many men who don't drink or watch strippers. Your bar is extremely low.

You should have worked harder in school and uni. It pays off for those of us who did.

Christ even when you seem to acknowledge your bitchiness you then carry on some more!
She worked hard and valued things you did not. Thems the breaks.
I'd say please distance yourself as you are not her friend. You are judgemental, jealous and downright nasty. So what if their relationship is different to yours!
You lack self awareness and really need to take a look at yourself as there is obviously something lacking in your life to be so horrid about someone else.

What the fuck am I reading? Their life sounds normal and healthy to me. In love, buying a house (how cheeky to ask how they afford such a normal occurance in life), having kids. Wow you are so bitter at however your life turned out she needs to run! Fast!!

(I was happy for her because I knew she had been in an abusive relationship for a while

So why aren't you happy for her now? She still has an abusive relationship in her past. I am sure those memories will never leave her.

You are jealous, pure and simple. That is ok, it's a human emotion. Time to start looking at your own life, and what would make you happier, then start reaching for it.

It’s also fine to distance yourself from people if you don’t feel warm and connected to them any more and you know your feelings towards them are turning spiteful. Maybe that’s the case with you and this woman

OP can do that of course, but the problem with just avoiding people due to jealousy is that the issue is never resolved. We will always come across people in life who have things we want, so unless you are going to become a hermit or only befriend homeless people the issue isnt going to go away.

What happens if OP drops this friend, and then the next friend she makes has aspects of her life that make OP feel jealous?- is she going to drop every single friend who is successful or has a good relationship? Avoiding isnt going to actually solve anything because the issue will keep rearing its head.

Jung once wisely said "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate" and that is exactly what is happening here.

Nobody has a perfect life. Anyone can paint theirs to seem amazing but it doesn’t mean it’s 100% reality.

OH you ought to meet my friends husband. His proposal was a video of all their milestones culminating in a proposal on the top of a castle tower with a photographer video guy hidden in another tower. The trust helped him arrange it all.

They had a fairy tale wedding. Ten years later they're still mad about each other.

She's a really nice person too. Another workaholic.

You are ridiculous.

It’s good you’ve got an insight into your feelings. And remember, this lady had an abusive relationship so things have been tough for her. No one’s life is perfect. If you’re unhappy, maybe it’s time for some changes.

You feel how you feel and only you can change that. But attempting to dig for dirt on her husband in order to make yourself feel good is quite nasty.

They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had). Apparently her husband talked about her the whole night, didn’t drink alcohol and went home early because he missed her

Would you prefer she was still in her previous abusive relationship?

You’ve been very honest OP and yes, some of it’s bitchy. But I think there are very few of us who don’t feel jealousy throughout their lives.

a really hard emotion to turn around and make positive but you can.

It’s also fine to distance yourself from people if you don’t feel warm and connected to them any more and you know your feelings towards them are turning spiteful. Maybe that’s the case with you and this woman.

it is not normal to be so irritated by a friend who seems happy in life and with her relationship. What you have described doesn’t sound that unusual. The swans on the bed in a hotel room is pretty run of the mill to be honest.

I do think the husband one is a big one. Like I love my boyfriend and he loves me but I wouldn’t leave a night out because I missed him or vice versa.

So why does it bother you that her relationship is like that? Do you want your boyfriend to leave nights out because he misses you? If not, why does it bother you that her fiancé does do that?

OP a lot of what you've said could be understandable, simple jealousy.

But the fact you were secretly hoping her fiancé had behaved badly on a night out is next level. You'd have secretly been a bit pleased if he had done so. Horrible in any context but considering she's been in an abusive relationship before, it's particularly shitty.

@Faldodiddledee 💐 that was a very generously caring post.