To begrudge her perfect little life

I think you need to look at yourself op. What is it she has that you don’t. Why are you feeling that way. Your friend will notice if snide comments come through. I did when a friend was jealous of me. Have you considered therapy to look at areas of your life you can change and be happier?

'Other people's success is not your failure'.

Is she a nice person? If yes, be happy for her and get on with your own life. No? Then what are jealous of? Get on with your own life.

All most of us see are the edited highlights of the lives of others. We don't see the crappy bits. The unseen mental health issues, the private health battles, the worries, the struggles.

Comparison really is the thief of joy. Be happy for her and let it go. You're making yourself miserable over nothing.

I'm sorry, OP, but this sounds like plain old envy. And envy is no joke, not something to take lightly: it's so destructive... and not only to the "object" of envy (I worry for your friend) but to the envious one too.
I really hope you can work at yourself and can free yourself from this 🙏

She does have one big problem in her life….you. Hopefully she’ll get wise. I had a “friend” like you once and little comments started getting back to me so I cut it dead. Nobody needs those kind of friends.

So after failing to find dirt on her husband to try and destroy her marriage, what are you going to do next?

Just be yourself, I am sure she appreciates you for who you are! Do NOT envy anyone, life is unpredictable!!!

Oprah has it right - you absolutely cannot be friends who have even a hint of jealousy of your life - your poor friend is living her best life, you should be happy for her

And yet, despite having this perfect life she counts you as a friend and wants to share her happiness with you ……….. so either she sees something positive in you that she likes and values, or she feels really sorry for your crabby jealous soul. Which do you think it is?

OP, you sound like a deeply unhappy person.

I have a good life I’m at a brilliant University and have my Masters lined up for next year, I live alone with my boyfriend of nearly two years (we are both each other’s first) and I have a couple close friends, a nice family and have two horses daddy “bought n paid for”. We travelled this summer and my DP is very good to me. We go on weekly dates and spend 24/7 with each other, and we cook dinner together every night. We don’t drink or smoke. My life may look superficially good. people have made snide remarks before…

BUT that’s only the good stuff. I’m struggling to afford university, DP and my housing situation is unsure for next year, and his mother doesn’t seem 100% with our relationship. Also, I have a crippling amount of anxiety and an eating disorder. I struggle most days just to eat and my anxiety means I super high strung and a demanding partner at times. DP isn’t perfect either, although he’s close to it!

you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and you can lose everything in an instant.

Oh dear it sounds like she actually sacrificed some things to make it in her career , and then was in an abusive relationship 🥺
I’d be happy for her now .
Also big gestures like the big OTT proposal aren’t sustainable really so don’t be jealous of that .
Being quietly content is what matters

If you want a partner who doesn't drink and leer at strippers, I promise you they are readily available. That's not something out of your reach. MN would have you believe that all men are dogs, but they really aren't.

You should examine your own life and identify what is lacking for such terrible jealousy to be created.

If you were truly content you wouldn't be this bitter, hoping that something will go horribly wrong in her life is pretty sick isn't it.

You should distance yourself for both your sakes and work out what's needed in YOUR life.

You are not covering yourself in glory here...

I dont know about you but I severely censor what I tell people about my life.

I would generally say it’s pretty good and to the outside world I’m Sure it look perfect. I have a wonderful husband and funny kind beautiful and high performing children. I own my own home. I have a good job. We go on nice holidays. Etc etc.

However, I have had friends for thirty years that dont have a single clue about some of the shit I’ve been through in my life (mostly because just talking about it takes me to places I don’t want to visit myself, let alone share with others so it’s tucked right away).

You literally only ever see what someone wants you to see.

No one has a golden life.

focus on your own life and if it bothers you so much walk away.

Even if this post is a windup, I have been thinking about envy a lot lately as I am quite an envious person myself. It's one of my failings. My envy is usually about people who have DC who seem to sail along, because DD has had a lot of health struggles in her teens and young adulthood. I was very envious of a friend whose DD seemed to be doing fantastically at school, then uni, then a great job.

Then one day I found out that her DD was actually sexually assaulted in uni. 😢 That cured me of my envy. Everybody, nearly everybody, has their challenges.

With friends like you…

You sound really mean-spirited and jealous. I feel sorry for your friend.

i think you know yourself YABU… probably should try and work on your own self esteem tbh, not very healthy way to live if her situation makes you feel bad.

Tbh I’ve found my life improved by my friends being driven and successful as they pulled me along in uni ( to study and apply for jobs) and the network helps after as well ( when I lost my job and needed a new one ).

btw it sounds like you are in a rut maybe? So here’s a hug

I think AIBU is a good platform to put something out there and to use the replies to examine whether you are or not.

Having that reaction to your friend's life and relationship , what you perceive as, perfect , tells you something about how you feel about your life. You can examine what that might be with some soul searching or reflection. And maybe become as peaceful with your friend's life or not.

I feel the same way about some of my old school friends who have successful jobs as GPs, lawyers etc and live in very affluent areas. I know I wouldn't be able to be friends with them now as my career and mental health has not been positive over the years and knowing how their life is now would just make me feel inadequate. That's fine, I know it and I own it. My good friends are people with similar lives/ money etc to me.

@Holotropic yes, very very true.

It's not just OP either- we all have emotions and feelings/thoughts that are hard to accept and examine. But if we can be brave enough to find out where they are coming from (often from childhood) and address them, even though it's hard, it's so worth it for the sake of our own wellbeing.

I’ve known a fair few people who presented this over the top, perfect impression of their relationship and actually it was completely false and the truth was they were unhappy, arguing all the time, cheating or in an abusive relationship. The husband goes home early from a night out - could be because he misses her, could be because he’s controlling and doesn’t trust her. The over the top proposal - could be because he loves her, could be because they had a massive row the night before and he said some awful things, now he’s love bombing her back into submission.

Being jealous of other people’s lives is ridiculous because you don’t even know what their lives are REALLY like, you only know what they let you see.

I would suggest get some counselling and work through your negative feelings about your own life instead of seeing her as the problem.

Sistafromanothermista, your envy shows like a beacon I'm afraid.

Wowww… i hope this poor woman reads this thread and distances herself from you asap. Hoping this is made up tbh.

Ah op I sort of get it. I have a friend who is lovely and glam and living the great life (in my mind) and I tend to feel like the dowdy country bumpkin on comparison. But that's my issue . She has never said anything mean to me. Keep your distance if it makes you feel better