To begrudge her perfect little life

Blimey, that’s a bit of an over-reaction, are you okay?

Her wins aren’t your losses and comparison is the thief of joy.

I’ve also had a few stark reminders lately that a lot of the time, you get merely a highlight reel of peoples lives and there’s often a lot more that goes on behind closed doors.

Take a minute to go through Liam Payne’s girlfriend’s tiktok and Instagram. Her life and relationship were very much presented as ‘goals’. A young stunning waitress who ended up in a relationship and travelling the world with her superstar boyfriend. The reality of which has now been shown to be quite the opposite, with a lot of darkness and sadness behind the scenes. Had he not passed away, we wouldn’t know a thing about it.

It really is pointless comparing yourself, no one can say with 100% certainty that someone else’s life is perfect, and no one’s life IS perfect.

This is exactly the sort of bitchy, hate filled, bitter post the OP was looking for I suspect.

I'm sure you've made her feel much better.

Perhaps you two could be friends instead, and spend your friendship hoping things will go horribly wrong for each other 👍

Sorry but you sound so jealous, she has ofcourse had her struggles, just be a good friend and be happy for her xx

it just makes me feel shit being around her sometimes

That is well done x... You've got to the answer yourself... please don't feel crap about yourself. And yes you can still find the excesses in her life amusing without self-doubt being the fuel for that perspective. Can even still be happy for what is good in her life without comparing to your own.

Hey! It's ok to be envious sometimes but take it as an inspiration rather than something to resent. Do you think it's an indication something is amiss in your relationship with your boyfriend? Don't get me wrong every relationship is different and the couples around me who split up are not at all the ones I would have expected but rather the super PDA ones. But maybe just maybe the jealousy you feel is an indication of something. Only you can know and tell.

Did you find out your boyfriend had a lapdance OP?

Is that the main issue here?

She was a workaholic and wanted to focus on her career with no time for boys, alcohol and ‘distractions’ like that.

What is wrong with that? Why is that a bad thing? Sensible, no?

The years of secondary and uni are much shorter than the years of career, marriage and parenthood.

Reads like you’re angry at yourself for the choices you made. I doubt her life is without hardship and reads like you wanted her to fail in some way because she did what you didn’t.

If it helps, most people I know who have had relationships where they cannot be apart ended up single. The flame burns brightly, but burns out faster because of it.

Personally I would find a man who can’t have a night out with some pals without mooning on about me and coming home early a real turn-off. I expect in return I wouldn’t be able to have any alone time without him rocking up with a swan towel and a packet of rose petals.

Good things happen to good people. She’s worked hard, it paid off.

This is just a good old fashioned example of jealousy. It says a lot about you that you wanted your boyfriend to report back ‘Her DH paid for lap dances, took coke and slagged her off’. Some women are dangerously nasty, envious and bitter’.

Ok, genuine question, how shit is your life that you think hers is soooo perfect it's almost unbelievable? I was expecting you to say she was some sort of billionaire heiress who's never had to lift a finger in her life, but she sounds normal.

She's good looking and takes care of herself physically (the looks are luck but presumably the elegance is something she's cultivated), she has a good job (which she's worked hard for), kids, a nice house, a husband who loves her very much (having escaped abuse which is hardly a walk in the park - also a husband who loves you and doesn't want to fuck about in the "sleazy part of town" like your boyfriend is not unusual either).

None of this is the sort of magical, fairytale level of unattainable you seem to be making it out to be, and almost none of it is stuff you couldn't have done yourself.

So why so envious? What is so terribly lacking in your life that you are this bitter and envious towards this completely normal woman and the nice life she's made for herself?

Exactly

I am guessing the husband left the night out as he wasn’t into it and rather wanted to be at home!

You said she's been in an abusive relationship so it hasn't all been sweet and rosy. As happy as she can seem everyone has their issues and insecurities behind closed doors

I mean, her life isn’t that great. She clearly has a really horrible friend who slags her off on the internet and hopes her husband cheats on her. Poor woman!

Everything dose seem to have moved fast for her in the time you've been reacquainted. Engagement, marriage, baby and now baby No 2 on its way.

How many years is this ?

Look, true friends stick together through good and bad.

She's in the 'good' phase now. It could all change in an instant.
Their obsession with each other could change to hate. Who knows. Their 'obsession' does sound fragile and often those kind of relationships burn out. But at least be happy for her now.

The point is, you can't be a good friend when all you're doing is comparing what she has with what you don't have.

You need to make YOUR life like hers, if that's what you want.

If she was the class swot and you mucked around, is that her fault?
If she has a more caring husband, is that her fault?

What do you want to do with your life now?

You're not answering any of these questions are you?

Why - it is clearly the relationship they have that bothers you so what is it that you want - what is lacking in your life that makes you envy hers.

we can’t begin to know what anyone life is like but we can recognise what is missing in ours - and for you to feel this way there clearly is

If anything this just proves my point that her life is nearly too good

What does "too good" mean though?

What would it gain you if her fiancé had cheated like it sounds like you'd have secretly liked him to? Or if she lost her job? Or if she hadn't been able to have kids?

If she had less good things in her life, what benefit would there be to you?

I can't get over the fact you were secretly hoping he had betrayed her or cheated, especially considering she was in an abusive relationship before.

I think that should really make you stop and think. It's shocking.

I'd saying asking how someone can afford a wedding and actively digging for dirt on their husband is pretty shit friendship behaviour regardless of whether the friend knows or not.

Poor woman can't trust her and doesn't even know it

She has had terrible times if she was in an abusive relationship. What this is though, is you realising your life is not how you want it to be. But instead of working out why you feel like that, you are redirecting that at someone else. All perfectly normal, as it is a good way of diverting what is clearly needed, but is scary. Your life is not as good as you would like but you are pulling the woe is me card rather than taking action. So you have a choice. Continue like this and wind up angry and bitter, or take action. Sit down, with a therapist if you can, (CBT will probably be good for you as goals focussed), and work out what is wrong, and what you can do to make it better. This is all achievable, I promise. But only if you take control of your own life and own actions. Awful things can happen to people, but its what you do in the face of that that counts. Good luck. x

You know op, there's probably someone looking at your life, thinking how lucky you are.

Try to see the positives

You seem genuinely awful OP. Jealous and bitter.

Hopefully this woman has some friends who are happy for her.

I think op isn't being bitchy it just seems from the outside looking in that this woman has it all and maybe she does.

Op it's okay to think oh my god course she had the amazing proposal, course she having another baby etc but I suppose she's had some awful times being with an abuser. Maybe it's just her time for some happiness.

You aren't any less than her and maybe things will get even better for you one day maybe they won't maybe things will get even better for her one day maybe they won't . No one knows what the future holds.

All you can do is live for now and focus on the fact that you like your friend she a a lovely person and life is about growing as a persons while forming connections with all different people and personalities.