To begrudge her perfect little life

Jealous people nearly always attack the people that they are jealous of.

It’s fine to be jealous (and fair play to vent it anonymously here), but obviously not fair to in any way project or disadvantage your friend with it (not suggesting you will / are, but that’s the clear line for me).

The thing is the people that feel like this usually do act on it. And they ruin lives.

I had a much better job than my cousin. I was earning more than her. My life was going better than hers at that time.

She went out of her way to destroy me, out of jealousy of me. She made up things that i said. She turned people against me.

She was really nasty to me, then lied and told people I'd been nasty to her.

She succeeded in turning people against me. She wouldn't rest until she had knocked down

She was dripping with jealousy and she ruined a lot of my life.

You resent her because despite having some tough times and making sacrifices - like the ‘distractions’ you refer to - she’s come into a period of life going really well for her.
Whilst you give the air of someone who’s probably drifted and settled rather than put much effort into making a nice life.

The fact that you know those men would be up to something sleazy, your disappointment was that her husband spent the night talking about his wife and went home, rather than the fact your boyfriend stayed.

She’s married to a man who loves her - or ‘obsessed’ as you scathingly put it. You have a boyfriend whose friends do sleazy shit on nights out.

Bad things will happen to her as that’s how life is. Newsflash - you might feel better for a moment when you find out, but your life will still be average and unhappy despite that.

I hope she’s actually telling you things on purpose to drive you up the wall. I would!

Swan towels lol

Um, she doesn't have a 'perfect little life' (SPOILER: nobody does, it's all just gloss and framing if that's what it looks like) she is enjoying the fruits of her labours which it sounds she worked very hard to achieve.

How is her life "nearly too good"?

She's worked hard and developed a career. So have a lot of women. That's great and she's earned it. If you want to change or develop your own career, you can do so - there are lots of opportunities to explore out there.

She's in a relationship with a man who adores her and they're happy together. Many women are also in happy relationships. Rose petals and swan towel sculptures might not be everyone's cup of tea, but if it makes them happy, what's the problem? If you want your own relationship to include those things, discuss it with your husband.

She's pregnant - that's great news. Many other women are also pregnant, have been pregnant or will be pregnant - while a friend's pregnancy can be a sensitive thing in some circumstances, it's not a unique situation for someone to be in and her pregnancy doesn't affect your family in any real way.

She's someone you consider to look physically attractive. Lots of people meet various standards or expectations for physical appearance, and there's no point getting worked up over someone else's face, body or hair. If her physical health/fitness or appearance has prompted you to reflect on things you don't like or want to change about your own body, you have options for making lifestyle changes, getting a new haircut, overhauling your wardrobe, etc.

Her current successes are not unattainable miracles or things taken away from other people and given to her. It just sounds like life looks to be going quite well for her at the moment (although you don't know what's going on in private for her). She hasn't taken anything away from you and she doesn't have a "perfect little life".

If you're unhappy with your life at the moment, change things to make yourself happier. As Chilli says: Run your own race.

Mmm . Your friend’s partner was uncomfortable and made an excuse to leave early while yours presumably enjoyed it. Maybe you’re not happy with him doing that?

Jealousy is an ugly emotion. Just concentrate on making your own life what you want it to be. If you see things she's achieved through her own dedication and hard work that you also want, maybe try and learn something from her. It doesn't seem as though her blessed life has landed in her life...far from it, it sounds as though she's grafted for it.

Like I love my boyfriend and he loves me but I wouldn’t leave a night out because I missed him or vice versa

He wasn't enjoying the pissed up boys sleazy night out and was glad to have an excuse to leave early. I've done the same on a particularly rubbish hen night.

Op
People like you scare me.
Smiling in your ‘friend’s ‘ face but envying her at the same time to the point that you hoped that her partner was up to no good.

A lot of people on here are obviously perfect and have never felt any of the less desirable emotions that make us human.

OP its okay to feel this way sometimes about people, its no okay to act on it. Take a little step back if its getting a bit much in the short term, even if this is very much a 'you problem'.

Comparison is the thief of joy and we never really know what another persons life is like.

I don't understand why people act like feeling jealous of someone is a huge moral failure? And that this person shouldn't be a friend anymore. Its only bad if you act on it and let it influence your behaviour

Er, it IS influencing her behaviour- she is trying to spy on this woman's husband on a night out in the hopes he is cheating on her, did you miss that part?

That is incredibly mean and OP is a shit friend

I think your real problem is that your boyfriend is the type of guy who frequents the 'sleazy part of town.' , not that your friend's husband actually likes his fiance.

I hope you friend gets far away from you

First post nails it.

have a word with yourself!

she’s a victim of an abusive relationship, you have no fucking clue what she’s gone through and you begrudge her happiness?

you should honestly be ashamed of yourself @Sistafromanothermista

If this is real, I hope your friend does not bother with you a moment longer. She sounds lovely and impressive and you sound incredibly immature. And jealousy and envy is a horrible. Please let her go, tell her you are not her friend, so she can go and find friends who actually like her.

This kind of behaviour is what perpetuates the view that women are bitchy and competitive and mean and why it's so hard for a group of women to be friends. Men never write this shit about eachother.

Women will never have better until they start lifting eachother up instead of tearing eachother down.

OP if you don't like hanging out with her then don't.

There's no need for all this envy, it's really unpleasant. Leave her to get on with her life and you get on with yours.

I would say though it's a really unpleasant trait of yours that you can't just be happy for someone. She's obviously worked hard for what she has.

Op I feel bad for your friend, not you.

I've met people like you before, who are jealous of other people's happiness.

That's not a friend. I hope she sees what you're really like.

You never know someone fully. She might have gone through hell and come out the other side. She is really nice to you and that's all that counts. People are envious of each other - it's normal. But you will lose out if you don't focus on yourself and instead focus on her giving you a break to catch up.

I don't understand why people act like feeling jealous of someone is a huge moral failure? And that this person shouldn't be a friend anymore. Its only bad if you act on it and let it influence your behaviour.

Jealousy is probably what I class as my biggest character flaw, sometimes before I can be happy for someone (not all circumstances) I have to fight an initial gut punch feeling. I do, however, know this is a me problem and is completely unreasonable, so counsel myself that this person is doing anything wrong by having more luck/fortune than me.

I have a large social group, i am popular and I am an excellent friend who would never do anything to hurt anyone, in fact i often go out my way to help better people's circumstances, despite an initial pang of jealousy when someone looks better than me, has more money or success etc, I still maintain being an excellent friend and would never let my issues impact their joy/experiences.

Experiencing jealousy doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you have something within yourself you need to work on and address why you feel that way.

Anyone chiming in with "she deserves a better friend than you", i can guarantee is equally or even more so flawed in different ways.

Well I’ve learned about swan towels from this thread so that’s a plus. I’m in awe at swan towel guy’s patience and not just going “aaargh fuck this” and flinging them across the room.

OP I think if we’re honest most people have felt jealousy of other people’s lives. I know some people envy me having a creative wfh job and being my own boss. But I envy people who have space and spare time and their own garden. And so on. On top of that, anyone’s life can fall apart unexpectedly. IME it is better to see other people as just people like yourself, and be understanding of each other and that everyone will go through ups and downs over time or has their own problems that you might not be aware of. See your friend like that, and think about what you can do about things you’re not happy about, and it gets easier.

But no one is perfect and I think it’s ok to admit to yourself that you feel envy. Then just let it go and don’t let it eat you up or affect your behaviour. She sounds like a nice person. You don’t have to have exactly what she has, to have a friendship.

I had a friend like you. We are no longer friends. Her envy was bubbling below the surface all the time and sometimes came out as “jokes” or little comments when she’d had a drink. Things like “fancying” my husband even 🙄

Her life choices were her own. It just got wearing.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself Desiderata
Stop focussing on what someone else is doing and improve your own life.
She has worked hard and she's a nice person. Would you like her to fail in some way? It's mean spirited.

I know you’re getting a hard time on here but maybe part of it is how we often bond in female friendships by sharing our struggles or insecurities and ‘having a good moan’ about the difficulties we’re going through and maybe because your not getting anything on that front to dig into with each other from her side you feel a little like it’s all just pleasantries when you meet up or a bit ‘Facebooky everything is wonderful’ it can be hard to connect and bond over ‘everything being wonderful’ it sounds like she’s going through a well deserved up in life at the moment but no one’s life is perfect and no one stays on the up sadly - I wish with all my heart that we all did. I’m just guessing but I think maybe feeling like you can’t get into the nitty gritty of life over a coffee and share you’re own struggles or frustrations in life as you’ll feel stupid considering she appears to have none (everyone has them) might be making you feel like the friendship is a bit fake - even though it’s not and it’s genuinely because she’s going through a good phase in her life. Just a thought.