To begrudge her perfect little life

Its a dark way to think.

How do you know everything about their lives though?

You could see a woman who looks really happy and friendly. You don't know what's going on in her life.

I used to work with a woman who was beautiful, happy and friendly. The nastier women in the office were jealous of her.

The first woman told me about her home life. Her family had been terrible to her. And she was on her own fending for herself.

I don’t understand why jealous people want to be around the person they are jealous of.
Surely it would be better if they avoided the person who makes them feel like shit.
The problem with jealousy is that it usually escalates and causes the jealous person to do some really cruel things.

If I know someone is jealous of me , I avoid them like the proverbial plague

I don’t get this either! From the title I was expecting her to say this person was a multi millionaire fashion model. Not an ordinary woman who’s come through a rubbish time and worked hard to achieve the success she clearly deserves.

Do you have any other friends OP? and if so, dont they also have jobs, partners, and kids?

Those are quite normal things to have and hardly what I’d call a “perfect” life.

You are aware that you can buy a towel and make it into a swan if you really want to? 🤣

I'd feel the same way OP. I shouldn't, but I would. Happy people annoy me. Eugh.

This is terrible advice. As is all the advice on this thread that the friend might secretly be miserable.

The way to deal with envy and jealousy is not to secretly hope ill on the person you are jealous of. You won't convince yourself that a happy person is secretly living a terrible life. And hoping misfortune on others will make you bitter, not content.

Just accept that different people live different lives. Her life takes nothing from yours. Work on your own life. If it makes you unhappy to see her, phase her out.

I know someone with a brilliant life. She had a focus I did not, a personality I did not and worked harder than I was prepared to. And now she is reaping the rewards. How can I be jealous of that?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nosedive_(Black_Mirror)

NB: plot, it’s scary how this is becoming our reality. You begrudge her ‘higher rating’ than yours but it’s all BS/doesn’t matter. Live your own life well.

So your boyfriend stayed out in the sleazy part of town then?

You're being really really awful and bitter OP. You're no friend to her, I hope she finds this thread and realizes soon. Would you be happier if she has some sort of illness or misfortune? She seems happy and settled in her life. You are jealous almost to the point of wishing her ill. You sound like a peevish nasty woman.

Just don’t understand people like you. I could be the plainest Jane ever with nothing to say for myself but would still love to see everyone else happy, especially friends.
Why do you have to dull someone else’s sparkle in order to feel better about yourself?
Are you saying you’d actually be over the moon if he cheated on her? It’s just weird.

“the fact she was one person when I knew her and now she seems to be able to do it all”

You write this as if she has changed. Focus and drive as a teen led to success as an adult and she is enjoying the rewards of her labor. That is how life works.

it’s almost like you expected your nerdy little friend to have a lonely little life.

OP, describing her life as 'little' is really nasty and yes you do sound really bitchy.

I'm remembering my mum's advice to never underestimate how much people can feel threatened or jealous by success and boy is it true. Every time I've succeed in something, I've received undermining comments and people ready to bitch about me and I've heard it so often about other people's success - predominantly about women who seem successful.

As anyone who has offered good advice has said - own those feelings, try to look to your own life and values and what you're happy about with yourself and your circumstances, what you'd like to change and work on that. If this person is an actual friend who you feel warmly towards then try to be happy for her and admire that she has worked so hard, has come through an abusive relationship and is clearly in a good place now while knowing that life is not plain sailing for anyone. If you don't really feel all that warmly towards her then do both of you a favour and distance yourself.

İ dont understand. Lots of people own a house, have children and are in relationships. Why would this bother you so much that someone you care about has those things in her life? Why would it bother you that her DH left a sleazy night early. Surely most healthy people should want to minimise their involvement in sleaze?

As an aside & poss a warning to others out there, be careful about men who orchestrate ostentatious OTT proposals, especially if they ask you in a public place. They’re not always as they seem.

You sound very jealous and bitter, OP. The problem is you. I hope the person you are writing about gets you out of her life.

OP, you're never going to be happy with this degree of attitude towards someone.

I do think the husband one is a big one. Like I love my boyfriend and he loves me but I wouldn’t leave a night out because I missed him or vice versa.

Maybe your relationship is not right for you. If you're not particularly enjoying a night out, which sounds like he wasn't because they went sleazy which obviously wasn't his vibe, why wouldn't you go home to the person you love most in the world? You're picking at him terribly – trying to catch him out? Being derogatory towards their very loved up behaviour?

Look, OP – most people covet the things they want in life and I understand it might particularly sting when you have someone in your life experiencing those things on the daily when you can't seem to achieve them. But this is all a little excessive.

And posts about it on a public forum.

This is your problem. I suggest you stop drinking and get some therapy.

Well, not everything is roses round the door in your friend's life, @Sistafromanothermista. Unbeknownst to her, she has a frenemy who's pea-green with envy at her and her "perfect little life".

I think absolute kudos to the OP for recognising the feelings of jealousy. I think a whole lot of us have been jealous of someone else at some point, it's an ugly uncomfortable feeling.

OP - you sound a bit unhappy and this of more about you than her, of course you know that. Is there someone you can speak to?

You sound deeply unpleasant. I'd tell her that her husband was great on the night out. But if you can't be nice then distance yourself.

@Applemayjune I am so sorry for your loss.

This is exactly why superficial assumptions about someone "having it all" are so stupid and ignorant.

She needs to run a mile from you.

I guess this post is just proof that some “friends” really are jealous, and don’t want to see you do well for yourself.

@moddinner you said

"Dont justify
No reason is needed to go on as many holidays as you like
By giving an explanation, you’re almost saying that you have a valid reason for going on a second holiday
You don’t need a “reason”!"

It was just the person's nasty dig at me, at a time when I was grieving, that made me want to say it to her

She was wrong. And she did look ashamed.

I actually know another woman who had a similar incident to me.

She is older than me and she recently lost her grandson to a serious illness.

She was going on holiday and someone said to her nastily "are you off on holiday Melissa, it's well for you to be lying in the sun doing nothing, and i have to work hard all next week, I won't even get a weekend away this year" blah blah

And Melissa turned to her and said "my grandchild has just died from cancer. That is why I'm going on holiday. To recover".

The woman was ashamed. And didn't say anything to Melissa again

But that is only your view and is all relative. I thought you were going to say he'd hired a helicopter ( or even owns one😆) and he had landed on the top of the fully lit ( with their names) Eiffel Tower.😂

Others would see swan towels and rose petals as nothing special. I picture a dated hotel room and have no envy at all.

You are upsetting yourself when there is no need ( said in the nicest possible way)