To begrudge her perfect little life

Why can't you just be happy for your friend and proud of her achievements?

I also can't get past the fact you were almost hoping he'd cheated on her on a night out!! That's is just awful of you.

The kids loved the swan towels when we were on a cruise once so not a romantic setting. A hotel once put rose petals on our bed and it was so bloody annoying!

Do you think it's just money that makes a great life then?

Because I think there are a lot of other factors.

For example I know a woman, who looked like she had a quite nice life. She was born into a very wealthy family.

One night she told me that her dad had badly sexually abused her as a child and she had never recovered from it.

Money isn't everything. It's one part of a nice life. But you could have been brought up in a wealthy family, with abusive parents

Im not jealous at all. My point is that im not jealous of anyone, as every single person suffers in this life.

to be human is hard.

Youve talked about people who smooth sailed through life . But you just talked about material things and money in relation to them .

What about the rest of their lives.

How could you possibly know every single thing about their lives?

@MyFairMintCat That's not true. I know quite a few people who have just had a smooth sailing life. Of course, they have to work hard etc like everyone else. But they don't have a tragic backstory like your friend. They were just born into financially comfortable families, did what was expected, married someone similar and reaped the rewards.

Same. I know plenty of people where there is no 'catch' to their relatively idyllic lives. I am close enough to them to know that their life is and always has been smooth sailing, they have every privilege under the sun, and they live an instagram-worthy life without - in almost all cases - showcasing any of it on instagram. Some people just have great lives.

Also @Applemayjune really good friends are hard to find .. don't have time to be jealous of them really.
I'm neurodiverse and click with very few people so I want to keep them!

That's not true. I know quite a few people who have just had a smooth sailing life. Of course, they have to work hard etc like everyone else. But they don't have a tragic backstory like your friend. They were just born into financially comfortable families, did what was expected, married someone similar and reaped the rewards.

You are still somewhat jealous if you have to 'justify' it. 'Oh, X has a perfect life but well this happened'.

Jealously, for me is seeing what someone else has and wishing I had it too. That's all. I dont wish them harm and I also don't need any 'bad' things to make up for it.Also, successful, prettier, richer whatever friends come in useful.

I don't know what a swan towel is though can imagine.

I've clearly missed out.

Me neither.

Mind you, I've never dreamt of being proposed to either (and indeed have never been, in my 35 years), so I'm definitely womaning wrong.

Everybody experiences the ups and downs of life. In ten years, her "perfect little life" might have dissipated. I hope it hasn't for her sake, but nothing is permanent.

I can't really see what she's done wrong here. She has a happy family life, so what? You haven't implied she's a horrible person so doesn't deserve it, in fact it sounds the opposite - like she deserves some happiness. I'm surprised you asked her how she was affording a baby and a wedding 🤦 That's not normal!

People are right. You need to focus on your own life and happiness. I know sometimes that can be difficult. If you can't contain your jealousy, you need to distance yourself from her.

I don't really feel jealous of people, because I know that everyone goes through struggle.

One example, I have a friend who is very well off and lives in practically a mansion and has a nice husband .

I also know that she had a terribly sad early life. And that both of her parents died before she was 12. One parent died by medical negligence and she got compensation.

Shes materially rich. But she went her whole life without a mother and I know she struggled from it

It’s a side issue but swan towels are good, but quite dated. Like prawn cocktail or Black Forest gateau.

think movie style every girl’s dream rose petals and swan towels
Have I been womaning wrong all these years because I've never, not once dreamed of rose petals and swan towels?

Jealousy often leads to abuse though.

If you look at many reality tv programmes, where women love together, the prettiest girl often gets severely bullied , from jealousy

People do all kinds of stuff to pass the time, I’m afraid I’m with @Sooverwork the OP seems like made up rubbish to try and stir people up.

That's not what it proves at all..

I thought the same. The school bullies never seem to grow out of it and get even worse (within the parameters of what's acceptable as an adult) when they find out that the kids they bullied at school grew up to be more successful than them.

OP to needs recognise her personality and traits need to change.

Yes, when I was single and alone I found my sense of jealousy being so much stronger than when I'm also fulfilled.

It's a signal that you need to change. Not the itejr person.

I don’t think fairness comes into it. That’s like thinking it’s unfair I’m not Beyonce.

It’s not a zero sum game. I find that people who have the attitude you describe tend to be people who don’t like their own lives very much. I maintain that their time would be better spent improving their situation than questioning the good fortune of others.

Because pretty privilege?
You know, I think it's human to be jealous. I've got some friends whom I envy although my life is pretty great.
But it's just the occasional twinge, not an obsession like the OP.

OP it's simple you feel what you want to feel. But friends should make you feel good about yourself. If you're obsessing to this degree do the woman a favour and remove yourself from her life. She doesn't deserve this. And neither do you.

Seeing how our peers are doing can be motivating and sometimes tricky too. I often scope my life against my friends and fall short. It sounds as if she worked hard in life and sacrificed to get what she wanted, which says good for her! Very sad that she went through an abusive relationship, though. Many of us do, but she's found freedom, thank goodness. I've also learned that not everything in people's lives are roses. I have a beautiful friend, who has two amazing sons who've done well, she also does well in her career and had a loving husband. I know in private, she struggled with her husband because he was an avoidant personality. Then he dropped dead from a heart attack. They were childhood sweethearts. Paint your own life beautiful and also get what you want it's not that hard.

Well more fool you. You’re only harming yourself, not them 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's like the dark attacking the light.

I actually think that women being jealous of other women, is a big problem in society.

Everywhere that I've been , school, workplaces, groups etc

I see the prettiest and kindest women - being ruthlessly attacked by nastier and jealous women